


JDox Drabbles

by pcrrycox



Category: Scrubs
Genre: Angst, Crack, Fluff, JDox, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 62,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5026486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A compilation of JDox oneshots.  Some were requests from tumblr, but most were just bouncing around in my brain, begging to be written. Updated frequently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Inches

JD always thinks he's being sneaky, but he seems to often forget that Perry is in tune with just about everything he does. So it should have come as no surprise to JD that Perry noticed him standing on his tiptoes while they were talking to a patient. Perry, being as tactful as he is, doesn't say anything about it until they've left the room and shut the door, but then immediately starts in on JD.

"Practicing for your ballet recital, Sharon?"

JD blushes, not realizing he'd been that noticeable. "It's just you're... well, you're taller than I am." The corners of Perry's mouth twitch, but he lets JD continue. "I'm used to being the same height as people, if not taller. I've spent the last ten years with Turk and we're exactly the same height, though my hair makes me look taller..." He trails off, entering another daydream. 

Perry clears his throat. JD shakes his head, coming back to reality. "So because I'm an inch or two taller than you, you feel the need to stand on your tiptoes?" 

"Yeah, basically." 

"Jesus, Newbie."


	2. Professor Cox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JDox College AU. What's the worst that could happen?

JD had been trying for the better part of the semester to get Professor Cox to notice him with no luck. He sat in the front row of the massive lecture hall, said “Good morning” to him before every class, and even studied extra hard so he could answer all of Cox’s questions. And still, nothing. There were only two weeks left in the semester and it was all JD could do to actually concentrate on passing his final rather than glancing up at his professor every two seconds. It was then that he formulated his plan.

Friday rolled around and JD had carefully taken note of Cox’s office hours. He had paid Turk off to keep guard to make sure no one else tried to even walk down the corridor. JD took a deep breath and knocked, hearing Cox shuffling around inside. 

“Come in,” the deep voice called.

JD, trying to control his shaking hands, turned the knob and smiled widely. Dr. Cox was sitting at his desk, black-framed glasses sitting near the edge of his nose, his tie slightly askew. 

“Dorian,” said Cox without a hint of warmth, “what brings you here?”

JD cleared his throat. “Well, Professor, I was wondering if I could get some extra help before the final. The last chapter was pretty confusing and I’m just not sure that I’m ready for the test – it’s such a big part of our grade and I –”

“Slow down,” Cox reprimanded gently. “I’ll be more than willing to help, but I’m actually in the middle of something,” he gestured to his computer where a Word document was pulled up.

“Oh, yeah – sorry, I’ll just come back later…?” JD now felt awkward and even a bit selfish for taking up his professor’s time.

Dr. Cox waited for JD to finish babbling and then began to speak again. “But I’m free for lunch in an hour if you’d like to get a bite to eat.”

JD, of course, couldn’t hide the wide grin that covered his face. “I – uh – yeah, that’d be great – I’ll just –” he began walking out of the office, still watching Dr. Cox, and walked straight into the closed door. He stuttered a bit more before thanking Dr. Cox for his time.

Once the kid had left, Dr. Cox should his head and chuckled quietly. Dorian was quite strange, but Dr. Cox felt himself drawn to that. Either way, he needn’t worry – one more hour until they could talk properly over lunch.


	3. My Intern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JDox reversal AU in which JD is the attending and Cox is the intern.

“Do you believe this guy?” JD grumbled to Turk who was too busy devouring a burrito to give a clear answer. “Thinks he’s the smartest person in this building – I mean really, what gives him the right? He’s just an intern!” He was referring to Perry Cox, one of the newest interns who had already made a sterling reputation for himself, at least in terms on treating his patients. His attitude on the other hand…

Turk swallowed the rest of the burrito down and gave a loud burp before answering. “I hear you, Vanilla Bear, but he is pretty talented. He did diagnose that patient before you –”

Turk silenced at JD’s glare. “Yeah, well, when he screws up, I’m the one who’s gonna have to deal with the aftermath.”

\-------------------------------------------------

“Perry!” JD half-shouted. “Are you or are you not a doctor?” 

JD stood his ground, but vaguely wondered if looks really could kill. He made a mental note to tell Turk that if Perry did somehow kill him with mental daggers to publish a paper about it. “Well, seeing as I did graduate at the top of my class and was accepted as an intern here, I’m going to have to say yes.” His tone was seething and the tension in the ICU had skyrocketed.

“Well that’s just dandy, isn’t it, Perry? But because you forgot to check on Mrs. Flatt’s vitals before you left last night, she’s dead.”

JD didn’t miss the split second of fear that flashed across Perry’s expression, but it was gone almost instantly and replaced by a haughty indifference. “It isn’t my fault that the night shift didn’t keep a good enough eye on her.”

JD was ready to argue with him, but Perry turned on his heel and stalked away toward the on-call room. His mouth fell open for a moment, but he quickly closed it and then patted Mrs. Flatt on the shoulder. “Good work. I’ll make sure we get you some of that chocolate pudding, okay?” 

Mrs. Flatt, who had agreed to play dead in exchange for sugary goodness, smiled and waved at JD as he made his way to the on-call room. When he got there, he almost thought it was empty before he saw Perry huddled on the furthest bunk.

“Perry?” JD said hesitantly. He didn’t move. “Perry, Mrs. Flatt isn’t dead.”

At that, Perry’s head snapped up and he glared at JD. “What the –”

“Listen to me,” JD said, taking a seat next to Perry, who bristled at the close proximity, “it’s my job as your attending to teach you and when your attitude interferes with the way this place runs, it needs an adjustment. Now, maybe that was a little too cruel, what I did there with Mrs. Flatt, but you have to understand that doctors have to work as a team. You can’t go it alone.”

Perry nodded. “I’ve never lost – or thought I lost – a patient before.” His voice was quiet, subdued. JD had never seen him so vulnerable before.

JD put his arm around the intern. “It happens to all of us, and the sooner you accept that you aren’t going to be able to save everyone, the easier it’ll be to be a little more humble, don’t you think?”

Perry nodded again and for a second he was grateful to have JD as an attending.


	4. Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Are you flirting with me?

I slid onto the stool next to Dr. Cox, appletini in hand. I nodded at him and took a big sip. Maybe a little too big because I sputtered a little. Great, there goes my smooth cool guy image. 

He rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. 

“So,” I said in a husky voice, “do you come here often?”

Dr. Cox turned his whole body to face me, resting an elbow on the bar. “Newbie, are you flirting with me?”

I shrugged, seductively sipping my appletini. 

“You do realize,” he paused for effect, “that we’ve been together for two years.”

“Keepin’ love alive, Perry. Keepin’ love alive.”


	5. Balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Have you seen the -- oh...

“Newbie!” Dr. Cox barked from beside his patient’s bed. Luckily, the guy was in a coma and no amount of Dr. Cox’s yelling could wake him… unless of course there was some new therapy I hadn’t heard about yet. I should try screaming at some of my coma patients. “Earth to Debbie,” Dr. Cox called. “Have you seen the… oh.”

I lifted my face off the counter of the nurse’s station and turned toward Dr. Cox, walking purposefully over to him. I actually saw the corners of his mouth twitch as he took in my face.

“Uh, Newbie,” he said, his voice wavering with the laugh he was trying to hold back, “you are aware –”

“No, Dr. Cox,” I said proudly, holding my head high, “we will not dignify Turk’s antics by speaking of them. Just because someone can only handle four appletinis before blacking out does not mean we write ‘BALLS’ on their forehead in permanent marker. Now what did you need?”

Dr. Cox shook his head and looked back to his patient’s chart.


	6. My Drunken Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was born after Carolina (cdawn1022) and I started swapping headcanons after seeing this post (http://pcrrycox.tumblr.com/post/133808547345/mogaimermaid-sunwukxng-draw-the-squad-like) on tumblr and imagining it as JD and Perry with Turk. Ridiculous, drunken shenanigans ensued.

Perry decides that tonight is the night that he will irritate Turk as much as possible. He also decides that he will do so by kissing JD as hard as possible and as close to Turk as possible. Of course, Perry doubts that anything good will come out of this endeavor (apart from getting to kiss JD and irritating Turk), but it will, at least for a while, be a great source of entertainment.

They're at the Sacred Heart Christmas party. And they're all drunk. So drunk. Perry knows a lot of this thought process (or lack thereof) is related to the alcohol, but he can't bring himself to care. He seizes his opportunity when Carla and Elliot leave the lounge to get more drinks. JD is sitting next to Turk on one of the couches and Perry leans forward and kisses JD. Hard. 

Turk is instantly repulsed, scooting as far as he can to the other end of the couch, but there's not much space. JD's back is against Turk's shoulder and as Perry deepens their kiss, JD lets out a few moans, the multiple appletinis he's had serving to lower his inhibitions. The longer they kiss, the more uncomfortable Turk gets, especially when Perry's hand works its way into JD's thick hair. Turk just wants it to be over, please be over, let it be over.

“Um, V-Bear –” Turk sighs, his eyes tightly closed.

JD seems to snap out of it for a second, realizing he's almost on top of Turk with how far Perry has pushed him back. “Oh, hi, Turk!” he shouts, accidentally spilling the drink he'd somehow managed to keep a hold on so far. He's easily flustered, especially when Perry's hands are still all over him.

Perry pretends he didn't know Turk was there, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Oh, hey, Gandhi.”

Turk debates punching him. Perry quickly ducks behind JD. Poor JD, always a human shield in Perry/Turk conflicts. As it is, JD is far too drunk to even notice the rising tension between the two. Turk thinks better of inflicting violence on Perry, though, because JD would cry if Turk punched Perry. It's amazing, really, how many tears the kid can produce when he sets his mind to it. Perry, for his part, would be far more angry at Turk for making JD cry than for actually punching him. He's Perry Cox, after all, he's taken his share of punches. Making JD cry, though? Turk had better run for his life.

JD is doing his best to keep Perry behind him, but the poor thing is basically a stick figure in between Turk and Perry. Was it mentioned just how absolutely schnockered he is? He can barely distinguish Turk from the wall behind him.

They're all just drunk off their asses, JD most of all, and nobody is quite sure how to handle the situation at hand. Turk just hopes he blacks out soon because Perry has pressed his lips against JD's once again after deciding Turk wasn't going to hit him. It also may have had something to do with JD's drunken begging.

He's on the verge of hysterics. “Please! Don't! Kill! Turk!” 

While kissing JD is one of his favorite activities, terrorizing Turk ranks right up there. Turk notices the shift in Perry's eyes so he starts trying to run away, but falls down a few feet from the couch. 

“I'm not gonna kill him! Just bodily harm him,” Perry growls, chasing after Turk. He also falls because what are legs? He starts army crawling toward Turk who's now lying on his back and whining, pleading with God to please spare his life.

“Perry,” JD cries, “I promise I won't make you watch It's A Wonderful Life if you let Turk go!”

It's then that Carla walks in, significantly less drunk than the rest of them. She easily pulls them all off each other, dragging Turk away and setting him on the couch and Perry and JD end up as a tangled mess of limbs on the chair.

Elliot, also far too drunk, is in a fit of giggles, providing Carla with no help. She points at JD and Perry on the chair and says, “They're like an octopus!”

“Who wants to tell me why Perry is trying to kill Turk?” 

Turk, being the upstanding, mature adult that he is, murmurs, “He started it.”

JD pipes in with, “He's right!” 

Perry mutters, “If he wasn't so irritating in the first place, I wouldn't have to start it!”

“Start what?” Carla shouts and JD looks so sad that she yelled that she just pinches the bridge of her nose.

“They were kissing each other. So much,” Turk whispers, his eyes far away as if replaying the last ten minutes. He looks so traumatized that Carla can't help but feel a little bad.

“Please remind me how old all of you are,” Carla sighs because if she didn't know better, she'd say she was talking to a bunch of twelve year-olds. 

JD starts counting on his fingers. He looks up at Perry, looking terrified. “I only have nine fingers!”

“No,” Perry shakes his head, grabbing JD's pinkie finger, “it's right there.”

“Thank god, I was so worried.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, they're so hungover and they can barely move. Turk is lying spread out on the couch and JD is lying under the table, his head sticking out. He wakes to find The Janitor hovering over him, letting his mop drip onto JD's forehead.

“Don't you guys have houses that you live in?” he asks, still not moving his mop.

JD grumbles, not yet able to form words, taking note of the ache in his back from sleeping on the floor. He moves out from under the table and sits up, suddenly realizing that Perry isn't in the room.

“Turk,” he shouts, moving over to the couch and hitting Turk in the chest. “Chocolate Bear, wake up!”

Turk sits up and knocks his head against JD's. “Aaaah,” he groans, falling back to the floor.

“Turk, Perry is gone and we have to find him!” JD's eyes are wide and Turk is pretty sure he's still a little drunk. His beliefs are confirmed when JD sways upon standing.

Turk gets up and sighs. “Okay, well, he can't have gotten far. I'll check with Carla –”

The Janitor, who JD hadn't noticed was still standing in the room pipes up and says, “Mean Doctor? Saw him on the roof this morning.”

JD starts making his way, looking as though he's moving in slow motion, to the door and Turk trails not far behind. It takes them the better part of a half hour to make it up the stairs to the roof. Laverne passes by at one point, telling them they look like they're in Night of the Living Dead.

Finally, JD opens the door to the roof and Perry, sure enough, is lying spread-eagled on his back, snoring away.

“Perry,” JD whispers, leaning down next to his ear. “The bright sun comes up, the dew fades away, 'good morning, good morning' the little flowers say.”

“If you ever say that to me again, I will shave your head,” Perry growls, his eyes still closed. “Now, I'm going to assume that Gandhi is here as your partner in crime, so if he could be so kind as to get me some painkillers, that'd be just dandy.”

“What can I do?” JD asks eagerly as Turk grumbles, rolling his eyes and turning back to the stairs.

“This,” Perry murmurs, finally opening his eyes and squinting against the light of the day, and presses a kiss to JD's lips. “Morning, by the way.”


	7. My Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one based off of Carolina's and my headcanons. We're just the trashiest.

It was never expected that Perry spend Thanksgiving with his family.  Paige had her own family, and though Jordan offered him a spot at her table, he'd declined.  He wasn't big on holidays as it was and spending them with Jordan's devil of a mother remained just as unappealing as ever.  It came as a slight surprise to Perry, then, when JD asked if he'd want to come to his family's Thanksgiving.  Perry had, of course, met and put up with Dan on multiple occasions, but he'd never met any other members of JD's family except for his now-deceased father. He had heard about JD's mother, who seemed flighty, indecisive, and like she might harbor a drinking problem.  Perry also couldn't shake away the sneaking suspicion that this was JD's way of introducing him to his family, like meeting the in-laws.  Perry shuddered at the thought.

 

Despite all hesitations and doubts, Perry found himself driving from the airport to JD's childhood home in the worst rental car money could buy.  Perry had grown up in Pittsburgh so he was used to winter weather, but it seemed even worse in Ohio, with icy patches of road seeming to pop up out of nowhere.  Thankfully - or not - they arrived at JD's mother's house in one piece, though Perry swore a piece of the rusty bumper had fallen off about a mile back.  He helped JD unload the vehicle and they waited at the front door after JD rang the bell.

 

"I apologize in advance," JD murmured to Perry, squeezing his hand before letting his own fall back to his side just as the door opened. 

 

There stood Dan, clearly already drunk.  "Little brother!" he exclaimed, embracing JD despite the fact that the latter was carrying two suitcases. He then turned to Perry, yelling just as loudly, "Coxsmith! How the heck are ya?"

 

"Doin' fine, Dan," Perry muttered, following closely behind JD as he pushed past his brother and into the entryway.  They emerged into the dining room where a feast had been spread out on the table.  The woman that Perry assumed was JD's mother was standing at the other end of the room, deep in conversation with another relative.  

 

"Hey, Mom," JD said uncharacteristically quietly.  Perry was watching him studiously, taking in every reaction, every nuance of body language to ascertain just how their relationship operated.

 

"Johnny," his mother said, her voice sickly-sweet.  She put her wine glass down and opened her arms to him.  JD hugged her awkwardly, greeting a few of his other relatives.  Perry stood in the doorway, waiting, not wanting to make himself at home without being properly introduced.  JD seemed aware of this, so he quickly waved him over.  

 

Perry, suitcases in tow, made his way through the narrow room and offered his hand to JD's mother. "Mom, this is Perry Cox, a colleague of mine from the hospital."  They had agreed before they'd even left home that they would keep their relationship quiet.  It wasn't that JD was ashamed of Perry, but his family was already a mess as it was and he didn't need them jumping down his or Perry's throats about being together.

 

"Perry," she said, making a popping noise on the 'p'.  "Lovely to meet you."

 

"Likewise," Perry grunted.  He knew he wasn't being the warmest, but he didn't like the feeling he was getting from her.

 

* * *

 

After getting settled in, the meal began and passed without incident.  It wasn't until most of the relatives had left and it was just JD, Perry, Dan, and Mrs. Dorian (Perry couldn't be bothered to remember her current last name) left seated at the table, barely able to finish their desserts.

 

"So, Perry," she said venomously, "you're much older than my Johnny."  Perry had to take a deep breath to keep from jabbing his fork into JD's thigh.

 

"Yeah, well, people of different ages can... work together, Mom," JD piped up.  Perry knew why he hesitated - he wasn't used to hiding their relationship back at home. Here it was different and there seemed to be more at stake.

 

JD's mother just raised her eyebrow and took a sip of her wine.

 

Dan sat across the table, watching the scene unfold in amusement, noting JD's supreme discomfort.

 

Perry turned out to be incredibly skilled at making small talk and JD makes a mental note to thank him for that.  He thanks his lucky stars that they'd rented a hotel for their short stay because staying here would probably kill him.

 

It isn't until JD and Perry go to leave that they realize it had been snowing all evening and there was about two feet of snow coating the yard.  Of course, no plows had been out yet as it was still snowing.  "Perry, that car is horrible and it's almost ten miles to the hotel.  We'll just stay here for the night and leave tomorrow afternoon for the airport."  Perry grumbled, but he knew JD was right.

 

That was why Perry was in a sleeping bag that was far too small for him on JD's bedroom floor with JD and Dan in the bed next to him. Perry was just about to fall asleep when Dan spoke up none too quietly.  "Hey, little brother, we should tell scary stories." 

 

"Dan, you're thirty-five years old," JD bit back.  Perry could hear how tired he was.

 

"Yeah, Dan," Perry joined in, just as exhausted, "shut the hell up!"

 

"No one asked you, Coxie.  Besides, how long have you two been butt buddies? If you want me to keep quiet about that, I'd suggest you start telling a scary story."

 

Perry cleared his throat in the darkness.  "Once upon a time, a man named Dan Dorian used the phrase 'butt buddies' in my presence. He was never heard from again."

 

"That was pretty scary," Dan muttered.

 

"Damn right." Perry got up and scooped Dan off the bed and set him down on the sleeping bag far more gently than he deserved.

 

JD mouthed a thank you against Perry's chest before settling against him.

 

"If I hear any noises, I will scream," Dan whined.

 

JD took it upon himself to kiss Perry with extremely exaggerated sucking noises and moans.

 

Dan whimpered and put his head in the sleeping bag while Perry chuckled.

 

The next morning, JD and Perry woke up at roughly the same time to see Dan and his mother standing in the doorway, staring at them.  Her eyebrow was raised and she said sarcastically, "Just colleagues, huh?"

 

JD and Perry are tangled together on the bed, JD's hair a mess, and Dan chose that moment to announce that, "Oh, they've been together for months!"

 

JD and Perry yelled "DAN!" at the same time.  JD sat up and sighed.  "Mom, this is my boyfriend Perry... Say hi, Perry."

 

Perry glared at Dan, ignoring JD.  JD's mom said, "He seems cold."

 

Perry glanced at her with slightly less animosity.  "Only when people deserve it and seeing as you've known this one," he pointed at Dan, "for his entire life, I trust you understand."

 

She shrugged.  "He's unfortunate."  JD barked out a laugh, grateful for the diffusion of tension.

 

"This backfired," Dan said, moping. Perry shot him a shit-eating grin.

 

"We'll leave you two alone now," JD's mother announced, and she practically dragged Dan out of the room.

 

"Now," Perry said, "where were we?"

 

"Perry, not here!"  JD couldn't stomach the idea of doing anything with Perry in his bedroom at his mother's house.

 

"Kidding, kidding," Perry said, but JD couldn't help but notice that he looked disappointed.

 

"When we get home, I promise I'll make it worth your while.  Now we should probably get dressed before they come back."

 

Dan, of course, was right outside, ear pressed to the door, relaying everything they were saying to his mother, who truthfully couldn't care less.

 

Perry opened the door once they were packed and ready and Dan fell in, having been leaning against the door.  Perry stepped right over him without a word.  JD smiled because his boyfriend was utterly ridiculous and he loved every bit of him.

 

After some insistence from JD's mom, they agreed to stay a bit longer, pushing back their leaving until the evening.  They spent most of the day cuddled on the couch, though not too cuddled.  Perry was watching football while JD played Flappy Bird on his phone.  When he beat his high score, he jumped up yelling and Perry just shook his head, thinking 'This is my idiot. There are many like him, but this one is mine.' It was an oddly comforting thought.

 

JD decided they should probably leave so they all say awkward goodbyes. As soon as they got in the car, Perry kissed JD and said, "I'm so glad you turned out the way you did despite all that."

 

JD kissed him back with such force that promptly realize they still have time left on their hotel room.  Perry squealed the tires leaving the driveway.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one based off of Carolina's and my freak-outs.   
> Warning sex, general cuteness, and heartwarming dorkishness.

It all starts with JD making fun of Perry's typos in his texts. It just so happens that Perry is not a huge fan of texting but it's the easiest way for them to get in contact with each other. JD's the type to immediately repeat the typo when he sees it and it infuriates Perry. It's the only trait of JD's that truly annoys Perry anymore; he's gotten over the ridiculous games he plays with Turk (what is even the point of 'Hide the Saltine' anyway?), can handle his passion for musical theatre, and can even understand his need to go the extra mile for his patients.

 

When it happens for the umpteenth time, Perry threatens to strangle JD.  JD, of course, assumes Perry means in some sort of sexy, kinky way.  Perry does not, in fact, mean that.

 

"It's not in a sexy way," Perry texts, blessedly avoiding yet another typo.

 

JD doesn't back off and continues inserting the typo, which was completely inconsequential and not even all that funny, into their conversation and Perry decides to withhold sex that night.  Or at least attempt it.  He's tried before and it usually ends up poorly.

 

That night, Perry lasts a little longer than normal before he finally gives in.  He and JD are sitting on the couch and JD's reading a book in the lamplight.  Earlier in the evening, JD had decided to completely ignore Perry's advances, interested in what the outcome would be, never having tried it before.  Perry quickly realizes what's going on, but it doesn't stop him from getting more turned on by the second.  The fact that Perry  _knows_ what JD's doing only makes it worse.

 

JD pretends to have just noticed Perry staring at him and he looks up from his book, pretending to be completely innocent.  "What?" he asks, smiling ever-so-sweetly at Perry.  "Can I help you with something, Perry?"

  
"Stop being such a tease!" Perry growls.

 

" _What?_ " JD asks, feigning confusion.  "Me? A  _tease_?" He shakes his head and goes back to reading.  He's pleased that the acting camp he went to is finally paying off.

 

Perry stays silent for a bit longer before he can't take it any longer and he fucking  _whines._

 

"Did you want something, Perry?" JD asks, adding extra sass to his tone.

 

Perry is so pissed and so turned on that he decides two can play at that game.  He actively starts ignoring JD (again, because it worked out  _so_ well the first time).  Needless to say, it doesn't end well.  JD just rolls his eyes and tries to hide his triumphant smirk.  He knows he's won; he just has to wait for Perry to make the first move.

 

It doesn't take much longer before Perry's lips are brushing against JD's neck, barely there.  It's Perry's favorite maneuver because it works every time.  Sure enough, JD melts into him, but not before exclaiming, "I win!"  He scoots closer to Perry to give him a better angle.

 

"We'll see who wins," Perry grumbles, clearly put-out that JD's right.

 

"Me.  It's me," JD says as he pulls his shirt off.  "But you still get a prize, even though you're a huge loser."

 

"In what world do losers get prizes?" He pauses for a moment.  "And don't call me a loser, loser."  He's not letting this one go without a fight.

 

"It's a consolation prize... loser," JD insists, pointing to his abs.  His abs really aren't abs, but it's the gesture that counts.

 

Perry snorts.  "Are those 'abs' my prize?  Because I'll admit I lost if I get an  _actual_ prize."

 

"Hey! I'm charmingly pudgy.  But you will definitely get your prize," JD assures him.

 

"Charming," Perry muses.  "Guess I can't argue with that one." He pulls off his own shirt before moving to kiss JD's neck again.

 

"You really think I'm charming, though?" JD asks nonchalantly as he moves to straddle Perry.

 

"Endearingly charming," Perry confirms, moving his hands to JD's hips.

 

JD leans down to kiss Perry's neck lazily, in no hurry.  "Oh, good," he says against his skin. "I'm a lot of things, but I didn't know charming was one of them."

 

"You have your moments," Perry says, sighing at JD's kisses.  "Have I mentioned you're a very good kisser?" He puts a finger under JD's chin to move his lips to his own.

 

"Maybe a couple times," JD mumbles, returning the kiss with equal enthusiasm.

 

"Just a couple?" Because it's true." Perry's other hand moves up and down JD's side, his fingers lightly tracing his ribs.

 

"Maybe you should refresh my memory," JD says as he melts into Perry, putty in his hands.

 

"You think so, huh?" Perry obliges, kissing him hard, more insistent as his hands move to tangle in JD's thick hair.

 

"Mhmm."  JD's arms wrap themselves around Perry's neck and he smiles into their kiss.  "I don't quite remember."

 

"Memory loss is a sign of being a good kisser.  Trust me, I'm a doctor."  Perry bites JD's lower lip as he runs his hands down his back.

 

JD squeaks adorably at the bite.  "I guess I should listen to you, since you're the doctor." He starts to grind against Perry, so slightly that he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

 

Perry groans at the contact, his hands flying back to JD's hips to guide his movements.

 

JD runs his hands down Perry's sides while kissing him lightly, not fully aware of the effect he's having on him.

 

"JD," Perry groans, his hips moving against JD's as much as they can with JD straddling him.  The sensation is blissful at the very least.

 

"What? Oh!" JD plants kisses down Perry's chest, sliding off the couch to his knees.  He grabs the bands of both Perry's pants and boxers and makes a big show out of pulling them down  _slowly._

 

Perry's practically a mess already and JD's barely even touched him.  His hips arch up off the couch and he runs his hand through JD's hair.  His breathing is heavier now as he watches JD intently.

 

JD chuckles at Perry's reaction and finally leaves the clothing around Perry's ankles.  "I told you you'd get a prize," he says as he kisses the tip of Perry's dick.

 

Perry gasps at the sensation, grasping at the fabric of the couch.  "I should lose more often," he mutters, his full attention on JD's mouth.

 

"It would make things easier for me," JD says before taking Perry's dick into his mouth.  He looks up at his face, liking what he sees.

 

Perry's head drops back against the cushion, his mouth falling open.  After a moment, he looks down at JD, meeting his eyes and his mouth continues to work him over.

 

JD would be grinning with satisfaction if he wasn't busy doing other things.  He keeps his gaze locked on Perry as he quickens his pace.

 

"Oh,  _fuck_ , JD," Perry moans, one hand moving to the back of JD's head, resting there without adding any pressure.  He desperately tries to keep his hips still but can't help it when he bucks up against JD's movements.

 

JD reaches up to grab Perry's other hand, lacing their fingers together.  That hand on the back of his head turns him on more than he'll let on.

 

Perry squeezes JD's hand.  "Not gonna last," he manages to huff out, his head falling back again, immersed completely in the pure pleasure JD is bringing him.

 

JD squeezes back as he picks up speed.  He wants to tell Perry how sexy he is right now, but since his mouth is preoccupied, he just stares harder at Perry and hopes he gets the message.

 

Perry definitely gets it and his grip on JD's hand tightens impossibly as he reaches his climax, just barely able to keep his hips still.  He gasps out JD's name as the pleasure washes over him in waves.

 

JD waits a few moments before speaking.  "Did you get that I was trying to tell you how hot you were right there?" He licks his lips.

 

Perry lets out a breathy laugh. "I definitely did." He's got a stupid smile on his face and his eyes are half-closed.  "Get up here."

 

JD obliges, climbing up on the couch next to him and burying his face into Perry's shoulder.  Perry's all but melted into the couch at this point.  He wraps an arm around JD, holding him close for a moment before moving a hand to his dick.  "I fucking love you," he breathes against JD's neck, his voice barely a whisper.

 

JD moans against Perry's neck, a long, drawn-out sound.  "I love you. I love you," he repeats, mumbling.

 

Perry's hand moves faster, his wrist twisting as he presses kisses to JD's neck and shoulder.  JD is most decidedly  _not quiet,_ his volume increasing each time Perry's lips touch him.  "Not long now," he manages to choke out between moans and whimpers.

 

"I love you," Perry says again, his tone intense as his thumb moves over the tip of JD's dick.  His pace quickens just slightly and his other hand wraps around JD's waist to pull him closer.  Perry's words put JD over the edge and he moans Perry's name just once, almost in a whisper, too overcome to say anything else.  Perry holds JD against him as he comes down, pressing kisses wherever he can reach.  He runs his fingers through JD's hair.

 

JD finally looks up to meet Perry's eyes.  "I love you.  So much."

 

"I love you too," Perry says, kissing JD's forehead.  "Very much."

 

JD looks down at the tangled mess of limbs and laughs.  "How the hell did we even get here?  Seems like one day you were calling me Betty and the next you said you loved me."

 

"It's all a blur.  Think I might've called you Sheila too," Perry smiles.  "Betcha that's what did it."

 

"Sheila? Yeah, that was it." JD looks at Perry with an absolutely ridiculous amount of love in his eyes.  "Whatever happened... I'm  _really_ glad it did."

 

"Me too... Newbie," Perry adds for old time's sake.  He rarely refers to JD by anything other than his name now, but Newbie reminds him of the beginning and it's something akin to 'sweetheart' which Perry wouldn't be caught dead saying.

 

"So,  _Dr. Cox,_ what now?" JD asks playfully.

 

" _Now_ I need a shower and to get into bed with you, Dr. Dorian."

 

JD nods, then pauses, cocking his head to one side.  "Have you ever actually called me Dr. Dorian before?"

 

Perry is quiet for a moment. "I don't think so," he says, sounding a little confused.  "Well,  _Dr. Dorian,_ would you care to accompany me to the shower?"

 

JD giggles.  "That's weird that you've never called me that before."  He puffs out his chest and puts on an official-sounding voice.  "I would be delighted to join you, Dr. Cox.  Official hospital matters and all."

 

"You've gone and ruined it now," Perry laughs, standing and pulling JD along with him.  "From now on, you will be JD and JD only."

 

"I kind of like Newbie," JD pouts.

 

"You're right.  I probably couldn't get rid of that one for good."

 

"I'm glad." JD turns on the shower faucet and wraps his arms around Perry's waist.  "As long as I don't have to call you Dr. Cox."

 

"Definitely not," Perry says, stepping into the shower and moving back to make room for JD.

 

Between actually washing up, they share soft kisses and Perry just has to be touching JD all the time.  His arms are wrapped around his waist and he presses sweet kisses to JD's jaw.  When he finally lets JD wash himself, he's slightly disturbed by the fact he's now seen both JD  _and_ Dan with a bubble beard.  He tells JD as much and JD can't get the bubbles off fast enough.  Perry just laughs and kisses JD but sputters when he tastes soap in his mouth.

 

They help to dry each other off once they're out of the shower and get dressed for bed where they cuddle against each other.  Perry pulls JD closer and presses a final kiss to his lips before turning off the lamp on the bedside table and drifting off to sleep mumbling about what has to be done at the hospital tomorrow.


	9. My Nursery Rhyme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an embellishment/expansion on a conversation Carolina (cdawn1022) and I had about these two lovesick idiots.

It all starts with JD having trouble sleeping at the hospital. It's not an uncommon problem, especially with the general cacophony of the hospital that can't be completely blocked out by the on-call room door. Between the light that seeps in under the crack of the door and the noise, it's a hopeless endeavor. JD tells Perry as much one day, rubbing at the bags under his eyes. He's been pulling so many double shifts lately that he's been almost exclusively sleeping at the hospital – or trying to at least. 

Perry jokes, “I know one thing that always puts you to sleep.”

JD is confused for a moment before he figures out what Perry's alluding to, and perhaps it's not such a bad idea. He looks at Perry, doe eyes alight with an idea.

“Oh no,” Perry says, shaking his head, “I know that look. I am not giving you a handjob just so you can fall asleep. Besides, where's the fun for me?”

JD pouts, resisting the urge to stomp his foot. “Perry,” he whines, “I need sleep.”

Perry chances a look at JD's face and he gives in the moment he sees the lower lip pushed out, the brows furrowed. “The things I do for you,” Perry mutters, just giving him a hard time for the sake of it. It's not like he really minds in the first place.

Ten minutes later, Perry is exiting the on-call room while JD is sound asleep in one of the beds. Perry can't say he's all too bothered by the lack of a happy ending for him. He knows the kid needs sleep and as his boyfriend, it makes sense that he should offer help when help is needed.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, JD is halfway through another sixteen hour shift and he looks like hell. He finds Perry leaning against the nurses' station talking to Carla. 

“Perry, I can't sleep,” he says, not bothering to keep his voice down.

“Be there in a second, Newbie,” Perry says and JD turns around, heading back for the on-call room. 

Carla looks at him in confusion and Laverne rolls over on her desk chair. 

Perry looks up from a patient's chart to find them both staring at him. “Oh, that?” he asks nonchalantly. “It's this thing he has... He can't sleep here without hearing this nursery rhyme his mom used to read to him. It's a little ridiculous, I know, but it helps him sleep.”

Carla looks at Perry suspiciously for a moment longer before letting it go. Laverne has told everyone on the floor by the time Perry gets to the on-call room.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later, everyone is working the night shift and like clockwork, JD tells Perry he needs to at least get a nap in. Perry kisses him quickly and tells him he'll be right in.

JD leaves, giving Perry a tired smile. Perry finishes writing out a prescription for a patient as Turk walks up. 

“You know, that's funny,” he says conversationally, “because JD says he always falls asleep right after sex – wait!” 

Carla's eyes go wide and Laverne's head practically explodes. “That nursery rhyme story was crap, wasn't it?” Carla accuses.

Perry hurries off to the on-call room without so much as a backward glance. He slips inside, and moves to JD's bed. “We've been found out,” he says as he sticks his hand in JD's pants.

JD lets out a breathy moan before asking, “What are you talking about?”

“Gandhi had to mention how you always fall asleep after sex and now no one believes the nursery rhyme story,” Perry mutters.

JD can barely form coherent sentences at this point, but he still manages to ask, “What nursery rhyme story?”

And it occurs to Perry that he may have neglected to inform JD of their cover story. So he moves his hand more quickly over JD and whispers, “Shh, sweetie,” in his ear.

JD doesn't take much longer after that and falls asleep very soon after. Perry kisses him quickly and hopes he doesn't remember the conversation.

Perry exits the on-call room quietly, taking care to shut the door gently, and goes back to the nurses' station, avoiding Carla's looks.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, Carla comes up behind him.

“You know, I think it's actually kind of sweet what you're doing for Bambi,” she says with a smile.

Perry brushes it off. “It's not like I don't enjoy it too,” he mutters, signing a form.

“You drop everything you're doing pretty much every time he sleeps here!” Carla laughs. “You even went home to 'read him nursery rhymes',” she says with air quotes.

Perry just mumbles, “You don't know what you're talking about,” and fakes a page. He goes off to find JD just to tell him he loves him and JD laughs and asks if he's been bodysnatched. It's not like Perry doesn't tell him he loves him, but it just seemed so random.

That night, Perry is strangely romantic. He lights candles for when JD gets home from work and orders takeout. JD is grateful for the food and moodlighting, but he can't help but ask, “What did you do?” He's almost certain that Perry has done something terrible (like sold Rowdy or accidentally set fire to JD's journals).

Perry shrugs. “I just wanted to do something special for you. You've been so stressed and tired lately, I just though a quiet evening would be nice...” And it's in that moment that Perry realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with JD, picket fence not included.

JD, unaware of what's going on in Perry's head, just smiles at Perry sweetly.

Almost without thinking, Perry blurts out, “JD, will you marry me?” It's so sudden and they're just sitting on the couch in their sweats with a couple of candles burnt out and takeout boxes littering the coffee table.

JD grins and says, “If you think you're gonna get away with not getting down on one knee...”

Perry just sort of slides off the couch and takes JD's hand and says very seriously, “I don't even have a ring. I didn't even know I was gonna say that.”

JD leans forward and grabs his soda bottle off the coffee table and takes off the plastic ring around the neck and hands it to Perry. “There,” he says softly. “A ring.”

Perry laughs and shakes his head, barely able to believe that this a thing that's happening. “John Dorian,” he says officially, looking into JD's eyes, “will you marry me?” He holds out the soda bottle ring.

“Yes, of course I'll marry you,” JD says, grinning wide, and he lets Perry slide the stupid ring on his finger.

Perry moves back up onto the couch and kisses JD so softly it's almost painful.


	10. My On-Call Room Occurrence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is smut. Just smut. So much smut. These idiots, I swear to god. #PWP

“And just exactly _how_ did you think that was a good idea, Belinda?” Perry growls, taking a step forward into JD's personal space. Not that it bothers him at all – he's Perry fucking Cox and he does whatever the hell he wants.

JD stands his ground, holding Perry's gaze. It's a lot harder than it looks because Perry is intimidating... and incredibly good-looking.

JD breaks their eye contact as his gaze flickers down to Perry's lips for a fraction of a second before moving back up to his eyes. JD's not even sure Perry notices because his mouth is still moving in a meaningless rant that JD couldn't care less about. All he can think about is Perry slamming him up against the wall and bringing their lips together in a bruising kiss. JD's head tilts off to the left and his eyes glaze over as he enters yet another fantasy.

_Perry's hand rubs him through the front of his pants and JD's head falls back against the wall with a dull thud. He figures it'll hurt later, but at the moment, it's the last thing he wants to think about. His hips buck up into Perry's touch, which isn't giving JD nearly enough friction. He lets out a whimper, begging for more as Perry sucks at his neck._

JD is brought back to reality in a forceful way, with Perry snapping in his face and shouting, “Newbie!” JD shakes his head and looks at Perry like he's just realized he's standing there.

“I'm listening,” he says quickly, swallowing hard and trying _not_ to think about Perry jerking him off.

“I can tell when you're daydreaming,” Perry growls, crowding JD even more. Their chests are just shy of touching they're so close. “The point of the rant is to get you to listen _better,_ not _even less_.”

JD's eyes dart to Perry's lips once more and no matter how hard he tries, he can't get the fantasy out of his head. “Maybe you should _make_ me listen,” JD blurts out before he can stop himself. He lets out a small squeak of horror – _damn you, subconscious!_ – and hopes to high heaven that Perry just yells at him a little more and then lets him leave.

Of course he shouldn't be so lucky.

“What did you just say?” Perry asks in a low voice as he takes another step forward, pushing JD back against the wall of the on-call room where he chose to share this particular rant.

JD whimpers when his back hits the wall for two very different reasons. “N-nothing,” he says quickly, unable to tear his eyes off Perry's.

“You want me to _make_ you listen?” Perry growls, now so close to JD that, not only are they touching, their lips are just inches from each other's. “And what exactly, Betsy, did you have in mind?”

JD shakes his head and shuts his eyes tightly. “I didn't have anything in mind – nothing at all,” he says. “Can I please leave now?”

“Unfortunately, I don't think my message has quite sunken in yet,” Perry says regretfully. “Might have to resort to... drastic measures.” And he kisses JD. Hard.

JD can scarcely believe this is happening, but he kisses Perry back eagerly, letting out the smallest of moans against his lips. The kiss is bruising, intense, and JD's never experienced anything like it. His hands come up to fist the front of Perry's lab coat, keeping him close.

Perry breaks the kiss after a few long moments, but he stays close, his lips just barely brushing against JD's when he speaks. “I'm still not sure,” he breathes, his voice rough, “you've got the message.”

JD lets out a whimper, sounding quite pathetic. “Better do something about that,” he murmurs, trying to catch Perry's lips again.

Perry lets out a low groan from deep in his chest and the sound goes straight to JD's firming cock. He runs a hand over the front of JD's pants, rubbing at him insistently. “Was this your fantasy?” Perry whispers in JD's ear. “You want me to make you come?”

JD's head falls back against the wall with a dull thud and he notes somewhere in the back of his mind that his fantasy is coming true, but it's even better in real life. “Please,” he gasps, his eyes closing at the sensation as he tightens his hold on Perry's coat for support.

Perry smirks and grabs one of JD's hands, bringing it down to the front of his own pants, his own cock hardening at the sight of JD so desperate for him. “Gotta put in a little work yourself,” he mutters before he slides his hand into JD's pants, wrapping it around his cock.

JD lets out a gorgeous moan and Perry's lips trail down JD's jaw to his neck. “Fuck,” JD groans as he follows suit, his own hand sliding into Perry's pants to fist his cock. He matches Perry's pace, which reflects JD's, and apparently Perry's, desperation.

JD never thought in a million years that they'd be jerking each other off in an on-call room, though he'd fantasized about it too many times to count. None of those fantasies even came close to how fucking good it actually feels to have Perry's large, rough hand moving expertly over his cock and his lips kissing and sucking at his neck. JD knows he's not going to last very long, not with the sensory overload that is Perry Cox.

Perry thanks his lucky stars that the kid finally slipped up and said something because he was never going to be the one to make the first move. He couldn't be – JD had to initiate it or Perry never would have felt right about it, would have felt like he was taking advantage. He's so glad it finally – _finally_ – happened because fuck if the kid doesn't know what he's doing. JD twists his wrist in just the right way at just the right time that Perry's actually gone a little weak in the knees. He bites at JD's neck, not bothering to be gentle, as his hips roll up to meet JD's movements.

JD lets out a breathy moan, his own hips bucking up against Perry's hand. “Not gonna – _fuck_ – last much longer,” he chokes out, increasing his pace on Perry's cock, reflecting his own need.

Perry's lips brush against JD's earlobe as he speeds up, knowing he's also getting close. “Come for me, JD,” he says in a low voice, his thumb running over the head of JD's cock with each stroke.

“Oh god, oh _fuck, Perry,_ ” JD moans, thrusting his hips forward into Perry's hand as he comes, his climax hitting him hard. He somehow manages to keep his hand moving at a fairly steady pace, though he's not sure he'll remain standing for much longer.

Perry groans, burying his face in the crook of JD's neck as he comes, the hand in JD's hair tightening and pulling as he rides it out. “Christ, Newbie,” Perry mutters as he slowly comes down, his breathing ragged.

JD's hair is noticeably disheveled from Perry's grasp and his lips are swollen and his pupils blown. He lets out a soft noise when Perry pulls his hand out of JD's pants and JD quickly does the same.

Perry moves for the door. “Go clean yourself up,” he says, his voice back to the same old, gruff Dr. Cox. “Say nothing of this to anyone, got it?”

JD nods, trying to ignore the disappointment that this was apparently a one-time thing.

“And, Newbie?” Perry says, his hand on the doorknob. “Be at my place at eight.”

With that, he walks out, leaving JD to try and collect his thoughts which are moving at a thousand miles per minute. He leaves the on-call room a few minutes later, a massive smile on his face.

 


	11. My Christmas Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy March 4th, have a Christmas Eve ficlet. Trans JD, established JDox. Enjoy :)

It's Christmas Eve and Perry is on the couch reading a medical journal just for the fun of it, Christmas music playing softly in the background at JD's insistence. JD, who had been curled up next to Perry, has now been in the bathroom sitting on the edge of the tub for nearly a half hour. He doesn't want to believe what he's looking at, but the two pink lines have been staring back at him for what feels like hours.

Having a child isn't something the two of them have discussed in any way. It's common knowledge that JD loves children, but he hasn't really brought up the idea of having a child with Perry yet, though it's something he's fairly certain he wants. But he has absolutely no idea what feelings Perry has on the subject, if Perry even _wants_ children. JD knows sitting in the bathroom isn't going to change anything and that, as unlikely as this is, it's happening. He and Perry have been together for nearly eight months now and JD knows that both of them love each other more than anything. For JD, this is it for him. Perry is all he's ever wanted and more and judging by the way Perry looks at him, he feels the same way. But JD can't shake the feeling that this is going to change everything.

JD sighs, standing and walking back out into the living room, still holding the pregnancy test in his hand. He swallows hard and stands in the doorway, leaning against it as he tries to ignore the rising panic in his chest.

“Perry?” he asks softly, working to keep his tone casual.

“Yeah, Newbie?” Perry asks, not looking up from his reading.

“Perry,” JD says more firmly, his nervousness seeping into his voice despite his best efforts.

Perry looks up at him, his expression quickly turning to worry when he sees JD's face. His eyes slowly move over JD and he spots the pregnancy test. Perry opens and closes his mouth a few times, speechless.

“It's positive,” JD says, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes wide and his hands shaking.

Perry puts down his medical journal, not taking his eyes off JD. “Are – are you okay?” he asks hesitantly.

“I'm fine,” JD says quickly, crossing his arms in an attempt to fold in on himself. “It's just... we haven't _talked_ about the possibility of – of pregnancy.” The word feels strange on JD's tongue. All he wanted was a quiet Christmas Eve, not... _this._ “I don't even know how you feel about kids.”

Perry sighs. “Come here, Newbie,” he says gently, patting the cushion next to him. JD walks over and sits down next to him, placing the pregnancy test on the coffee table in front of them. “I see myself with you for a long time,” Perry says after a slight pause. “If that future involves a kid, well, I'm all right with that.”

JD relaxes, but only slightly. “And if that future is sooner than we thought?” he asks in a small voice, still staring at the pregnancy test.

“Hey,” Perry says softly, taking JD's hand in his. “JD, look at me.”

JD slowly looks up at Perry with wide, terrified eyes.

“I'm willing to do this, but only if you are,” Perry tells him, his thumb rubbing small circles over JD's hand. “If this isn't something you want, I'll support you no matter what.”

“I want this,” JD says quickly, surprised at the conviction in his voice. “It's just... I know it's gonna be scary and difficult, but I want to have a baby with you.”

“I will be by you every step of the way,” Perry says seriously. “And if anyone has anything to say about it, they can talk to me.”

JD gives Perry a small smile and leans into his side. “One hell of a Christmas present,” he says quietly.

Perry chuckles. “You can say that again,” he says, running his hand over JD's arm. He kisses the top of JD's head. “I'm really proud of you, you know.”

“I know,” JD says softly, wrapping an arm around Perry's waist. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Newbie,” Perry says, holding him close. While he knows this will be difficult, especially for JD, there's no doubt in his mind that this baby will be loved more than anything.

 


	12. My Fallen Idol AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during 5x21, My Fallen Idol, but with established JDox and most definitely alcoholic Perry.

JD knows he has to do _something,_ but what he’s not exactly sure. He feels awful about the whole thing. He’d bailed on Perry when he’d needed JD most and he felt pretty sure that was part of the problem. So the first thing he does when he arrives at Perry’s apartment (might as well be his apartment too, at this point for as much time as he spends there) is apologize.  He tells Carla and Turk they can leave, that he and Perry will be okay. 

He sits down on the couch, keeping a small distance between himself and Perry. The whole place reeks of alcohol and JD takes notice of the empty bottles on the shelf behind them. He swallows hard as he looks at Perry out of the corner of his eye. He has half a mind to snatch the glass of scotch away from him, but he doesn’t. 

“I’m sorry, Perry,” he says softly after a long silence, his voice feeling out of place in the quiet of the apartment. “So sorry.” He glances up at Perry hesitantly and is surprised to find Perry staring at him in confusion, though his eyes are still unfocused. “I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. I just… I got scared. I didn’t know how to help you and - and I ran away.”

A muscle in Perry’s jaw twitches as he watches JD, but he remains silent. Truth be told, he’d missed JD a lot more than he was even willing to admit despite being with him for nearly six months. Sure, the major catalyst had been losing all those patients because of his own oversight, but it wasn’t the _only_ reason he’d been beating himself up. He’d driven JD away. Again. It certainly wasn’t the first time and Perry felt certain it wouldn’t be the last.

“I really am sorry, Perry,” JD says, his voice barely above a whisper as he reaches his hand out toward Perry. Just as he starts to pull it back, thinking better of the action, Perry takes it in his own, larger hand.

“Stop apologizing,” Perry says gruffly, his voice rough with emotion and from disuse. “Doesn’t make sense.”

JD looks confused at Perry’s words, but pleased that Perry’s finally speaking. “Perry, you… you needed me. I should have been here by your side the entire time,” he says, looking at Perry guiltily. “Maybe… maybe I could have stopped… _this._ ” JD gestures to the half-empty bottle of scotch on the table and the empty ones behind them. 

Perry snorts. “Yeah, like you’d be the first one to try that,” he mutters, his words slurring ever-so-slightly.

JD sighs heavily. “Perry, you can’t just live in a glass whenever things go bad,” he says as gently as he can manage. “There are other ways to… to cope.”

Perry looks at him resentfully. “You don’t think I’ve tried, Newbie? Tried to put down the goddamn bottle? It’s not that simple.” Perry sounds angry, but JD can see through to the hurt beneath.

JD squeezes Perry’s hand. “We’re gonna get you help, Per,” he says softly, looking at Perry with the blue doe eyes that affect Perry a lot more than JD knows. “There are ways to get through this, you know that.”

Perry does know that, but he finds himself willing to believe it for the first time in his adult life. “Thanks, JD,” he says quietly, putting down his glass on the coffee table. It’s a simple action, but it speaks volumes. JD feels hopeful for the first time in a while that things might actually be okay.


	13. My New Year's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This popped into my head this New Year's Eve. I hope you all enjoy and have a happy new year!

              I’d been watching him all night from across the room, and I knew he’d seen me.  Every time he would chance it and look in my direction, I’d avert my eyes, pretend I hadn’t been watching him.  There was something _different_ about him tonight, though I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Maybe it was because we weren’t in the hospital or because he’d had a few too many drinks, but whatever it was had drawn me in and I was hooked.  I was still holding a beer in my hand, though I’d barely taken more than a couple sips from it.  I ignored anyone who tried to make conversation with me, though that was just par for the course.  Even Carla seemed to get the hint that I was preoccupied and stopped trying to get me to talk.  On the rare occasions I wasn’t looking at him, my eyes fell upon Carla, who was in the corner, talking to Barbie.  They looked like they were having a good time, laughing and gossiping like usual.

              Everything seemed normal except me.  And Newbie.  There was something off about both of us, and I had a funny feeling that, as the clock slowly got closer to midnight, it was about to come to a head.  Carefully, I started moving towards him.  The room was packed full of hospital employees, all of whom seemed to want to wish me a Happy New Year.  I brushed them off one by one, my eyes focused on JD.  I swallowed hard when I saw him lick his lips, though his attention was elsewhere. 

              When the crowd suddenly became one and began the countdown from ten to one, to the new year, I realized what had changed.  I had seen JD as just another annoying intern, but now that he was out of our usual environment, and out of his scrubs, everything was crystal clear.  He was, in short, incredible.  I wanted him.  And what I wanted, I got.

              The moment everyone cried out “Happy New Year,” I strode up behind him, looped my arm around his waist, spun him around and pulled him close to me, and kissed him hard.  I wasn’t even sure he realized who I was, but it was too late to go back now.  I kissed him thoroughly, not caring whether or not people were watching us.  At least they’d have a story to tell if they were.  JD seemed too surprised at first to really kiss me back, but soon enough, his hands moved to my waist and his lips began to move.  I was surprised to find that he really seemed to know what he was doing – he didn’t seem like he’d have much experience, but I was glad to be wrong in this instance. 

              When I finally pulled away for breath, I kept our lips close, panting slightly.  I could tell his eyes were still closed when he whispered, “Happy New Year, Dr. Cox.” I smirked and kissed him again.


	14. My Election Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst, but remember: there's always hope. The next four years are going to be hard, but we have the power of change.

Perry was just getting home from a particularly late night at the hospital and he was looking forward to relaxing with JD. He had it all planned out – they could order takeout and watch TV and the night would end with JD falling asleep, as he often did, on Perry's shoulder. Perry suspected JD did this on purpose just so he could be carried to bed. It wasn't as if Perry minded, of course.

He opened the front door and stepped inside the apartment that the two of them shared, kicking off his shoes and dropping his keys onto the small table just inside the door. Perry was surprised to see that the apartment was completely dark apart from the light cast toward the couch by the TV. He could just make out JD's huddled figure on the couch, sitting up with his arms wrapped around his knees.

“Hey,” Perry said in greeting as he walked over and sat down next to JD, making it a point to kiss his cheek. That was how he realized that JD was silently crying. His eyes widened as he started to make out the tear tracks on JD's cheeks and he felt a flash of panic. “JD, sweetheart, what's wrong?”

JD shook his head, uncharacteristically silent. He seemed to curl in on himself even more, hugging his knees to his chest.

“Come on, talk to me,” Perry begged, brushing away JD's tears with his thumbs. “What happened?” He was at a loss as to what to do – whenever JD was upset, the first thing he did was tell Perry exactly what was wrong.

JD sniffed and pointed at the TV, his tears still flowing. Confused, Perry turned his head toward the screen and watched for a few moments. It immediately became obvious why JD was so upset, but Perry couldn't force himself to look away at first.

The headline on the news channel JD had on was clear as day and Perry felt his heart sink. He'd managed to somehow forget that today was election today; he and JD had sent in their absentee ballots ages ago, owing to the unpredictability of their shifts. Granted, JD had been much more involved and vocal about the election than Perry ever had been, though Perry had been just as invested as JD was. The outcome of the election would determine the future of the country and of the policies that affected their daily lives.

“JD, I... I'm so sorry,” Perry said quietly, turning back to JD. “What can I do?”

“I feel sick,” JD murmured, staring at his knees.

Perry ran his hand through JD's hair, watching him worriedly. “I didn't think this would actually happen,” he admitted.

“I can't even believe it,” JD breathed, shaking his head. “I'm scared.”

Perry sighed and pulled JD closer, gathering him up in his arms. “You know I'm not going to let anything happen to you,” he promised. “This election doesn't change that.”

JD wrapped his arms around Perry's neck and held onto him tightly. “I love you,” he whispered, his eyes shut tightly.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Perry echoed, rubbing JD's back. “We'll make it through this.”

JD was quiet for a long time after that. Perry felt certain that JD didn't entirely believe him, but he understood. It was hard to be hopeful at a time like this; truthfully, Perry wasn't even all that hopeful, but he'd do whatever he had to to make sure JD was safe. Perry was almost certain that JD had fallen asleep by the time he next spoke.

“I want to get married,” he said, in a voice so quiet that Perry had to strain to hear it.

Perry slowly pulled back, though he kept his arms loosely around JD's waist, and looked at JD. “You want to what?”

“Please,” JD said, an edge of sadness in his voice that Perry couldn't stand. “I don't know what they'll do in these next four years and I don't want to lose out on the chance to be with you forever.”

“JD,” Perry said gently, “you're already going to be with me forever. You shouldn't rush this decision just because it's a scary time right now.”

“I'm not rushing it,” JD maintained after yet another sniffle. “I have a ring in my sock drawer. I bought it two months ago.”

Perry's eyebrows shot up. “You did?”

“Please say yes,” JD said softly, his blue eyes wide and worried.

Perry let out a soft laugh and even managed the smallest of smiles. “Of course, Newbie,” he replied. “Didn't really think I would say no, did you?”

JD gave Perry a watery smile and leaned in to hug him once again. “I don't want them to take this from us,” he said quietly, his face buried against Perry's neck.

“This is the one thing they _can't_ take,” Perry said, hugging JD back just as tightly. “No matter how hard they try. You've got me, kid, right 'til the end.”

JD closed his eyes and pressed a soft kiss to the crook of Perry's neck. “I'll go get your ring.”

 


	15. A Much, Much Worse Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in 1x19 "My Old Man" when Perry tells JD that his father could have done a much worse job raising him.

              “Trust me when I tell you that I wouldn’t care if today was the first time you ever even met your daddy,” Dr. Cox said and I braced myself for the final blow, “because in reality, well, he could have done a much, much worse job.”

              And there it was – _wait._ Did he just… compliment me?  And I certainly hadn’t been imagining the way his eyes flickered down to my lips, had I?  I stood still, trying to process what had just happened.  I had been expecting Dr. Cox to really give it to me good since I seemed to be annoying him so much with talking about my dad all day, but instead I had gotten… this.

              Dr. Cox turned away and started to leave, but something told me I had to stop him.  This wasn’t our dynamic.  He hardly ever said anything that wasn’t demeaning or hostile, especially to me.  But for some reason, he’d changed gears and said the exact opposite of what I had expected him to.  I wanted to know why.  “Dr. Cox,” I called, quickly catching up to him, “wait.  Aren’t you going to call me a girls’ name or make fun of me?”

              I watched his face intently, waiting for his reaction.  “No,” he said, stopping once again in the middle of the hallway.

              “Well… why?” I asked, utterly confused.

              Dr. Cox closed his eyes for a second before grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me into the supply closet we’d stopped in front of.  For a few moments, I was afraid he might kill me, but there was something different about his expression.  It was softer, but almost pained in a way.  It worried me.

              I kept my eyes on Dr. Cox’s, not noticing the hand he slowly brought up to cup my cheek until it was almost touching me.  Before I could question the touch, he was leaning toward me, his eyes locked on mine until the last possible moment, when I saw them close just before my own.  The very second his lips met mine, I knew I was gone.  This was… it was everything I never knew I wanted.  And the softness with which he kissed me, touched me, was incredible.  It was also the furthest thing I would have ever expected from him, but I was too busy kissing him back just as slowly, just as gently, to complain.

              Of their own accord, my arms wrapped around Dr. Cox’s neck, loosely, but firmly enough to keep him right where he was.  He removed his hand from my cheek and soon both of his hands were on my waist, pulling me closer to him.  I’d barely taken a breath, but it occurred to me that I didn’t care.  If I died right here, right now, I would die happily.  I still could hardly believe the way Dr. Cox seemed to be taking his time with me.  If I’d been asked what I thought he would be like, I would have said rough and impatient.  I would have expected him to throw me up against a wall and the kisses would have been bruising and _amazing._ But this was so much different and yet, I couldn’t say that I was the least bit disappointed.  I loved every moment of it, savoring each time our lips met, every time I felt his fingers dig a little more into my hips, every time he took a hurried, harsh breath.

              Eventually, after what could have been mere minutes or whole hours, he pulled away, but then rested his forehead against mine.  I kept my eyes closed, panting and wishing we could stay this way forever.

              “What the hell are you doing to me?” he whispered, his thumbs rubbing small circles on my hips.  I practically shivered at the sensation.

              I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer, so I stayed quiet, wondering if he had anything more to say.  I wouldn’t have even minded if we stood there in silence as long as he never let go of me.

              “JD,” he murmured.  I could feel his lips, mere inches from my own, and wished he’d kiss me again, wished he’d say my name like that every time.

              I hummed in acknowledgement of my name, restraining myself from leaning forward to kiss him once more.

              “No one can know about this,” he breathed, pulling away from me so he could look me in the eyes.

              I nodded silently.  If it meant I could have him, I would keep this a secret. 

              “Come over to my place when your shift is over.”  It wasn’t a request.

              “I’ll be there,” I said softly, my eyes searching his.  I had never noticed how blue his eyes were, but then again, I’d never been this close to him. 

              He nodded and for one quick second, I thought he was going to kiss me again.  Maybe he had been about to, but just then, someone opened the supply closet door.  Without any hesitation, Dr. Cox let his hands fall from my waist and shrugged off my arms that had still been around his neck. 

              “Pass me a trach kit, would you, Newbie?” he asked gruffly.

              I did as I was told, ignoring the nurse that had opened the door.  This was the way things were going to be, sneaking into supply closets and on-call rooms, all the while pretending that we were just two doctors, a mentor and his protégé.  If it meant that I got to have him all to myself outside the hospital, I could live with that.


	16. Our Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a follow-up to the previous chapter, but it can certainly be read on its own.

              Perry and I had been together for almost four months now and I knew that I was falling in love with him.  I hadn’t told him yet because I wasn’t sure how he would take it and I didn’t want him to feel any pressure to say it back.  Regardless, we were doing _really_ well.  Perry was sweet, I’d found out.  Sweet and very attentive.  Of course, these traits only showed themselves at his apartment since he’d sworn me to secrecy.  At the hospital, it was a much different story.  Granted, he wasn’t as hostile as he once was, but he was distant and cold when anyone else was around.  It would help when we had a moment alone in an on-call room or even the occasional supply closet, but those weren’t as safe considering anyone could open the door at any given time. 

              Lately, the sudden shift in our relationship when we _weren’t_ at Perry’s apartment was starting to get to me.  I hadn’t even told Turk or Carla about us, though I was sure they knew _something_ was going on with me.  I wished I could walk up to Perry and hold his hand or have his arm around me, but it was clear that he didn’t want anyone to know that he was with me.  It was frustrating, though, because it wasn’t as if we were just fooling around.  We were in a _relationship_ – he’d been clear about that from the start.  All I wanted was for everyone to know that I was his.

              At the moment, I was leaning against the wall outside the lab, waiting for one of my patient’s test results to come back.  I guess I didn’t really realize I was frowning until Perry walked up and leaned up against the wall, right next to me.

              “Don’t you have work to be doing?” Perry asked, using the detached voice I had grown so accustomed to.

              I closed my eyes for a minute and sighed.  “I’m waiting for my labs,” I explained, my voice flat.  I knew Perry would notice my tone, but I wasn’t sure if he would comment on it.

              I saw him looking at me from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t look at him.  Instead, I stared at the floor.  “Meet me in the on-call room in ten minutes,” he said under his breath and walked away without waiting for an answer.

              I knew I’d meet him, but watching him walk away only left me feeling more miserable.  I retrieved my patient’s results when they were ready and found exactly what I’d expected: cancer.  I could be a little late to meet Perry; there was no way I could rush telling my patient that her diagnosis was terminal. 

             

              A little late turned out to be _forty-five minutes_ late, but for what had not been the first time that week, Perry wasn’t the first thing on my mind.  When I walked out of my patient’s room after holding her hand while she cried and then explaining the different options that were available to her, I saw Perry standing by the nurses’ station.  There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be able to walk into his arms and just breathe him in, but that wasn’t allowed in our arrangement.  Instead of setting myself up for disappointment, I turned away from him and walked toward the exit, deciding I needed some air.

              I knew he was following me, but I didn’t look over my shoulder and I didn’t stop.  I kept walking until I made it out into the parking lot.  I sat down on the cold, concrete steps and took a deep breath of the cool nighttime air.  I heard him walk outside a few moments later, and he sat down beside me, his elbows on his knees. 

              “You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Perry asked quietly, looking straight ahead.

              I put my head down, trying to decide how to respond.  “Perry, I… I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I whispered.  “All this pretending and – and hiding.  It’s too much.”

              Perry slowly turned his body toward me and I could tell he was looking at me now.  “This?” he repeated.  “What are you talking about?”

              “I’m talking about _us_ ,” I said softly, looking up at him, my eyes already starting to water.  “I haven’t even told my best friend about us and you hardly _look_ at me in there.  I can’t do it anymore.  I – I can’t act like you don’t mean the world to me and then go to your apartment and pretend everything is normal.”

              Perry looked dumbfounded, an expression I rarely saw on him.  “JD,” he said in a gentle voice that he reserved only for me, “how long have you felt this way?”

              “I don’t know,” I mumbled, shaking my head.  “Maybe a week or two.”

              Perry sighed and put a hand on my leg.  “I wish you would have told me right away,” he said, “but you’re not the one at fault here.  I should have known this wouldn’t work forever, but I just wanted to protect you as long as I could.”

              “Protect me?” I asked slowly, my brows furrowing.  “What are you talking about?”

              “Well, you didn’t think I was doing this for _my_ benefit, did you?” Perry asked, a small smile playing on his lips. “I didn’t want people to know because they’d never stop giving you hell for being with me.  It might come as a surprise to you, but I’m not exactly the most popular person in this place.”

              It was my turn to be dumbfounded.  I had never considered that as a reason for Perry’s choice to keep our relationship a secret.  “Oh,” I said lamely.  “I – I thought…”

              “You thought I was ashamed of you,” Perry finished for me. 

              “Well, yeah, sort of,” I said sheepishly.  “I just wanted to make you happy and I thought this was what you wanted.”

              “JD, you are my first priority.  I was just doing what I thought I had to,” Perry said seriously.  “If you want to tell people, I’ll support that because I am damn sure not giving up on us.”

              “When I left my patient’s room, all I wanted was to walk up to you and have you give me a hug,” I said softly, my eyes watering again.  “And when I couldn’t…”

              Immediately, I felt myself being wrapped up in Perry’s strong arms.  I buried my face in his neck and closed my eyes.  “There’s something else I should have told you a while ago,” I whispered, holding Perry back tightly.

              “And what’s that?” Perry asked, rubbing my back just the way he knew I liked it.

              “I love you,” I said quietly, hoping it wouldn’t upset him.  “And I don’t care if it’s too soon to say it or if you can’t say it back yet.  I just wanted you to know.”

              Perry pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder.  “I love you too, sweetheart,” he murmured without missing a beat.

              I smiled against Perry’s neck, having a feeling that things were about to get much, _much_ better for us.  I couldn’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces when they found out about Perry and me.


	17. Our Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third (and probably final) installment to my last two chapters. At this point, they should all probably be read together, though I suppose they can be stand-alone chapters as well. Either way, enjoy!

              I had everything planned out as to how Perry and I would tell people we were together.  It would be romantic and perfect and, in a perfect world, they would all be happy for us.  I was a little anxious about how Turk would take the news, knowing that Perry wasn’t his favorite person, but ultimately, Turk just wanted me to be happy, and I certainly was. 

              “And then you’ll kiss me right in front of the nurses’ station and it’ll be _perfect_ ,” I told Perry, smiling widely.

              We were curled up on the couch at his apartment, like we often were, with my head on his shoulder, my legs in his lap, and his arm wrapped around me.  I closed my eyes when I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head and he chuckled.

              “Well, how can I say no to that?” he asked fondly.  “But, JD, expect people to talk.  There’ll be rumors and –”

              I leaned up and pecked Perry on the lips, silencing him.  “I – don’t – care,” I said in between kisses.  “Not – one – bit.”

              “All right, all right,” Perry laughed, pushing me onto my back.  “Message received.” He moved over me and kissed me deeply, running a hand down my side.

              I practically melted into the couch at his touch.  It had been four months and I knew I would _never_ get sick of when he kissed me like this, like I was the only person on the planet who mattered to him in that moment.

              “Promise you’ll always kiss me like this,” I whispered, threading my fingers into his hair. 

              “Promise,” Perry echoed as he pulled off my shirt and immediately started kissing down my neck.  “And like this.  And this.”  I let out a soft moan, arching up against him, a weak smile on my lips.

              Before I knew it, he’d made it to my chest, kissing and sucking at my skin as he went.  I knew exactly where he was headed and had no complaints.  “You’re really taking your time,” I commented, breathless, as I looked down at him.

              “It’ll be worth it,” he said in a low voice as he started sliding down my scrubs, taking my boxers right along with them. 

              “No doubt about that,” I said weakly, unable to take my eyes off him.  He was incredible when he was like this – so intense and passionate and gorgeous.  God, I loved him.

              Perry kissed down my stomach, his fingers digging into my hips.  I was already hard, uncomfortably so, but I knew better than to expect him to give in right away.  Just as I suspected, he moved to my thighs, still pressing kisses everywhere he went.

              I whimpered, letting my head fall back and my eyes close.  “You’re pure evil,” I managed, gasping when he nipped at my skin. 

              “I could always _stop_ ,” Perry teased and I could practically hear the smirk on his face.

              “Don’t you dare,” I said quickly, looking back down at him just in time to watch him lick the entire length of my erection.  I let out a strangled moan, grabbing at the couch cushions. 

              “Still think I’m pure evil?” he questioned, repeating his action.

              “ _God_ yes,” I groaned, my eyes shut tightly.  I knew he was loving every second of this – he always did.  Me, I was just along for the ride, letting Perry do whatever he wanted to me.  Oh, and of course, I loved every second of it, too.

              I was rewarded by Perry taking me fully into his mouth.  I let out another loud moan as Perry set an agonizingly slow pace.  He really was evil.  He hummed around me and I knew his eyes were locked on my face, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him yet.  Every time I did, without fail, it pushed me close to the edge.  Part of me still couldn’t believe that Perry _wanted_ to do this for me, wanted me to feel as good as possible.  Plus, he was drop-dead gorgeous.

              I relaxed back into the couch and let myself focus entirely on the feeling of Perry’s mouth sliding over me, his tongue doing wondrous things.  I moaned often, unable to keep quiet as everything started to converge until I couldn’t think about anything other than how close I was.

              It was then that I opened my eyes and looked down at Perry.  Sure enough, his blue eyes were locked on mine, a fire in them that drove me crazy.  I whimpered, my hips rocking up of their own accord. 

              “Not gonna last,” I panted, my back arching slightly.

              Perry’s answering moan around me said everything I needed to know: _let go._ I kept my eyes on him for as long as I could, but it soon became too much to handle.  I moaned his name breathlessly, my back arching even higher off the couch as I rode out the sensation rolling through me like waves.  His movements didn’t falter in the slightest until I was completely finished, and I let out one final moan when he pulled off me.

              As much as I wanted to keep my eyes closed and just soak in the afterglow, I wanted Perry more.  I sat up and climbed into Perry’s lap, grateful that he’d had the foresight to undress as quickly as humanly possible, though he’d already been shirtless.

              “How was that?” he asked in a rough voice, his hands moving to my hips.

              “Perfect,” I murmured, catching his lips in a deep, thorough kiss.  “As always.”

              Perry moaned softly into my mouth, grinding his hips against mine.  As much as I would have liked to make him squirm like he did to me, I wanted to make him moan like that even more.

              I slid down off Perry until I was kneeling on the floor in front of the couch.  I wrapped a hand around him and stroked him, setting a steady rhythm.  I smirked when he let out a moan that came from deep in his chest.  God, he was incredible.  I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around him, taking him in as far as I could manage.  The resulting moan was louder, more desperate, and he moved a hand to the back of my head, just resting it there.

              I looked up at him as I started moving faster, my hand moving in perfect time with my mouth.  I’d wondered if I was much good at this when we first got together, but from the first moment I sank to my knees in front of him, I could tell I had him wrapped around my finger.  It was strange, feeling that powerful, but it was also _amazing_ to be able to have complete control over Perry.  I loved watching him fall apart and lose control the closer he got.

              “Just like that, angel,” Perry said breathlessly, the hand in my hair tightening just slightly.

              I moaned around him and felt him twitch on my tongue.  If my mouth hadn’t been so busy, I would have grinned.  I no longer had any doubts about my talent, given the way Perry seemed to love every second.  I sped up a little more, keeping my eyes on his face.  He looked back down at me, his breathing quickening along with my pace.  I could tell he was getting close.

              “Oh, JD,” Perry groaned, his head falling back as he let out another low moan.  _That_ was what I lived for, hearing him moan my name, my _real_ name.  It wasn’t like I didn’t love when he called me angel or sweetheart or even Newbie, but when he moaned _my_ name, there was no doubt that I was the only thing on his mind. 

              It wasn’t much longer before Perry reached his peak and pulled a little harder at my hair, making me moan right along with him.  I kept him in as long as I needed to, making sure he had finished before I slowly began kissing back up his chest.  His breathing was just starting to even out when I climbed back onto his lap and kissed lazily at his neck.

              “Damn good, JD,” Perry murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist.  “Damn good.”

              “Glad you enjoyed yourself,” I said softly.  “Take me to bed?”

              Perry held me securely as he stood, making the movement seem effortless.  He carried me into the bedroom and gently lowered me onto the bed, but I didn’t let go of him.  Instead, I pulled him down with me, kissing him deeply.

              “I can’t wait ‘til everyone knows I’m yours,” I breathed, my lips still brushing against his.

              “I’ll make damn sure they do,” Perry replied, pulling the covers over us.

              I had already started to drift off, curled right up against Perry.  “Love you,” I mumbled against his chest.

              I heard him say it back right before I fell asleep.

 

              No thanks to the Janitor, my master plan for letting the hospital know Perry and I were together had been ruined.  Instead, I was sitting in a bed of my own in the ICU, though I maintained I was perfectly fine.  Unfortunately, Elliot disagreed.  It might have had something to do with my broken wrist, courtesy of the Janitor tripping me.  I’d thrown out my left arm to brace my fall and had heard – and felt – the sickening snap when I hit the floor. 

              “Somebody should probably tell Perry,” I muttered, frowning.

              “Perry?” Elliot asked, arching her eyebrow.  “Since when do you call him Perry?”

              Since I started having sex with him.  “It’s just something I’m trying,” I sighed, leaning back in my bed.  Thankfully, Elliot had administered some morphine, so I felt okay.  I was mostly just irritated that we hadn’t gotten to make our grand announcement. 

              A few minutes later, Turk and Carla showed up to make sure I was all right.

              “Bambi, we came as soon as we heard,” Carla said worriedly.  “Are you okay?”

              “Has anyone seen Dr. Cox?” I asked impatiently, ignoring Carla altogether. 

              “Where the hell is he?” came Perry’s booming voice from the other end of the ICU.  I immediately turned bright red.  Of _course_ he was overreacting.

              I waved sheepishly at him from my bed, taking care to use my right hand.  His expression was dark and worried as he strode over to me, pushing past Elliot, Turk, and Carla to get to my bedside.

              “What happened?” he asked, looking almost angry.

              “I fell?” I offered, biting my bottom lip.

              “That’s not the story I heard,” Perry said flatly, ignoring the confused looks from my friends, who had no idea why he would be so concerned about my well-being.

              I blushed again and looked down.  “Okay, so it might have had something to do with the Janitor, but Perry –”

              “Don’t ‘but Perry’ me,” Perry said, cutting me off.  “I’m talking to Kelso about this.”

              I sighed.  “Fine,” I allowed, “but it’ll probably only make it worse.”

              “Hey,” Perry said, his voice suddenly much softer.  The sudden change made me look up at him, forgetting the small audience we had.  “You’re sure you’re okay?”

              I gave him a soft smile and nodded.  “Yeah, I’m sure, Per,” I assured him.  “Just a broken wrist.  I’ll be perfectly fine.”

              “’ _Per’_?” I heard Turk whisper, but I didn’t bother looking at him.

              Perry took a breath and brushed a piece of hair out of my face.  Before he could say anything more, Turk stepped forward.

              “What the hell is going on?” he asked incredulously, looking back and forth between Perry and me.

              I laughed nervously and glanced at Perry, who nodded.  “We’re together,” I said, hoping Turk wasn’t angry.  “We have been for four months.”

              Turk’s eyes went wide.  “ _Four months_?” he repeated.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

              “We didn’t want everyone to know,” I said, still nervous.  “I actually had planned to tell everyone today… before all this happened.”

              “That is so _cute_!” Elliot squealed, practically jumping in place.  I didn’t miss Perry rolling his eyes at her reaction.

              “I’m sure Perry knows,” Carla said, stepping up next to Turk and taking his hand, “that if he hurts JD, he’ll have us to deal with.”  I was immediately grateful for her, seeing that she was trying to calm Turk down.

              “Dude,” Turk said, still looking more confused than anything, “I’m your best friend.  You should have told me.”

              “I – I know,” I said worriedly.  “But believe me, Turk, Perry makes me really happy.”

              Turk was quiet for a long moment, still glancing at Perry every so often.  “I guess that’s all I can ask for,” he finally said and I let out a relieved breath.

              “Rest assured, I intend to keep it that way,” Perry spoke up, addressing Turk directly.  “This isn’t a one-sided relationship.”

              I smiled up at Perry, wishing I could take his hand, but he’d stood on my left side, and I didn’t think it was worth the attempt with a broken wrist.

              “We’ll give you two some time alone,” Carla said firmly, tugging Turk and Elliot away.  She winked at me and I gave her a smile in return. 

              “Thanks for coming,” I said to Perry once they’d left.  “I knew you’d be worried, but I promise, I feel okay.”

              “Like I would have been anywhere else after I found out,” Perry said dismissively.

              “Still,” I insisted.  “I think I should probably take the rest of the day off, though.”

              “I will, too,” Perry said immediately.  “You’re coming home with me and resting.”

              “I can’t argue with that,” I said with a smile.  “Sounds kind of nice, actually, relaxing with you all day.”

              Perry finally cracked a smile and pressed a kiss to my temple.  “Sure does, doesn’t it?” he agreed.  “Gotta admit, you worried me a little, there, Newbie.”

              “Aw, Perry, were you scared?” I asked, my tone teasing, though I was a little surprised.  “It was nothing major, really.”

              Perry sighed.  “I just don’t want anything to happen to you is all,” he said gruffly. 

              “I’m fine,” I reminded him.  “And I love you.”

              “Love you too, kid,” Perry said softly, not noticing the way Laverne’s eyes lit up as she walked past.  At least the rest of the hospital would know about us in less than a half hour.  It would save us plenty of time – time that I would much rather spend with Perry.


	18. My Observation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set mid-S8. Established JDox. A little bit of angst, but nothing major. Enjoy!

              I got to Perry’s just before one in the morning after a shift that had seemed like it would never end.  Unfortunately, it was Perry’s day off, but I told him not to wait up for me.  It wasn’t very often that our days off lined up, and this was just another example of how hard it was to find time to spend together with our hectic schedules.  Despite not being able to see each other as much as we would like, Perry and I were doing great.  It had been nearly two months and I could safely say that I’d never been happier.  We’d worked out some of the kinks right off the bat – he didn’t call me girls’ names or yell at me anymore and I did my best to keep from sliding into a fantasy every time he licked his lips.  So, you know, we were working on it.

              I wasn’t all that surprised to find Perry on the couch when I got to his place.  I had a funny feeling he wouldn’t listen to me and wait up for me anyway, but it was clear he’d gotten too tired.  The TV was still on, though he’d muted it at some point.  The closer I got to the couch, I realized just how peaceful Perry looked.  The glasses that he rarely wore anywhere but the apartment were perched on his nose, looking like they’d slid down a few inches.  The book he’d been reading was now face-down on his chest, rising and falling with his even breathing.  There were no traces of the worry lines between his brows or the frown I often saw when we were at work.

              I very carefully sat down on the couch, content to just observe him for a while.  I wanted to let him sleep – I knew he needed it.  In the light of the flickering television, I could more plainly see the grey and white hairs that had begun to show in his beard, which he’d recently started to let grow again.  They seemed to shine every time they caught the light, and even though I knew they bothered him, I thought they made him look even more distinguished. 

              My desire to touch him warred with wanting to let him sleep, but I couldn’t let him sleep on the couch – he’d hurt his back and then he’d be even more miserable than if I just woke him.  Selfishly, I let him sleep for a while longer just so I could watch him.  I hadn’t told him yet, but I knew I loved him.  I didn’t know how things would go for us, if we would stay together, but I did know that I could _see_ a future for us.  I wanted to go to sleep next to him and wake up the same way every single day for the rest of my life.  Regardless of how things went for us, I knew that he would be it for me, the only one.  Shockingly, the knowledge didn’t make me want to run.  On the contrary, I wanted to embrace it.  We had wasted so much time over the last seven years and I had gotten through my commitment problems and become more secure.  He’d finally become Chief of Medicine and had mostly stopped getting in his own way, though I still had to remind him occasionally that putting up with the bureaucratic aspects of his job was worth it.

              For tonight, I let the hospital leave my mind.  For tonight, I wanted my only thoughts to be of him.  Carefully, I took the book from his chest, taking care to mark his page before I placed it on the coffee table.  I reached a hand up to brush his cheek with my thumb, feeling the scratch of the stubble there.  “Perry,” I murmured, looking up at him.  God, he really was beautiful.  I hated to wake him, but if I had to do it, I wanted it to be as gentle as possible.  “Perry, it’s time to go to bed.”

              He stirred for a few moments before he really woke.  When he opened his eyes, he turned his head toward me, my hand still on his cheek.  “Hey,” he whispered, a faint smile on his lips.  “You’re home.”

              I leaned up and kissed him softly.  “Yeah, I am,” I said warmly.  “Come on, let’s go to bed.  You shouldn’t sleep on the couch.”

              “I almost made it,” he insisted, sitting up.  “Fell asleep around midnight.”

              “I can’t blame you,” I said, taking his hand and helping him up from the couch.  To my surprise, he pulled me into a tight hug, his arms wrapping securely around me as he held me to his chest.  I circled my arms around his waist and breathed deeply, taking in the smell of him.  I knew I was home.  It finally occurred to me that maybe he missed me even more than I’d really thought.  “I think we should go to the janitor’s wedding,” I breathed, pulling away just far enough to look up at him.  “It might be nice to get away for a weekend.”

              “You have no idea how good that sounds,” Perry agreed, sounding exhausted.  “Feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

              I gently pulled Perry toward his bedroom, regretfully breaking our embrace.  “I miss you too,” I said with a sad smile.  “I know the new hours have been tough on you, but you’re really doing great, Per.”

              He shook his head as he climbed into bed.  “I don’t want to talk about work,” he requested as I changed into my pajamas.  When I slid under the covers, Perry pulled me to his chest once again and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

              I closed my eyes, wishing there was something I could do to make this transition easier on him.  “Would it help if I told you that I’m proud of you?” I offered hopefully.

              Perry sighed.  “Not tonight, angel,” he murmured, holding me a little tighter.  “I’m sorry.”

              “It’s okay,” I assured him quickly.  “Just know that I love you.”

              I didn’t quite realize what I had said at first.  It was only when Perry seemed to be holding his breath that my eyes widened.  Had I said it too soon?  I hadn’t meant to pressure him into saying it back if he wasn’t ready.  I just wanted to try and make him feel better and it seemed like the best choice.  It was certainly true.

              All my fears were put to rest when Perry let out the breath he’d been holding and tilted my chin up to press a long, soft kiss to my lips.  “I love you, too,” he whispered.

              Somehow I knew we’d be okay.


	19. Our Much-Needed Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry loses a patient he's been trying to keep alive for weeks and relies on JD for support.

     “ _Damn it!_ ”

     I heard the cry as it carried from the far side of the floor, echoing through the unusually silent ICU.  It seemed all my other patients were sleeping, and I glanced at the nurses and saw them pretending they hadn’t heard anything, though I knew better.  Slowly, hesitantly, I started toward the source of the noise, certain as to what I would find behind the door that was opened just a crack.  I took a deep breath before I pushed the door open, though I took care to shut it behind me without making any noise.  The rest of the hospital staff didn’t need to listen in on this.

     “Perry,” I murmured, spotting him hunched over the patient’s bed, his hands planted flat on the bedspread.  He hadn’t turned off the monitor yet and the sound of the flatline cut through the silence with no disregard for the way I knew it was causing Perry even more pain.  He didn’t move when I said his name even though I could tell he’d heard me.  Silently, I walked over to the monitor and turned it off, staring at the blank screen for a moment before I turned back to Perry. 

     “He could have made it,” Perry whispered.  His stance and his tone told me that he’d given up, that he’d really felt defeated by this one.  “He had a chance.  If I’d just gotten him to surgery sooner or run some more tests –”

     I watched Perry sadly.  It wasn’t often that he took a patient’s death this hard, but he’d worked harder than ever to keep this particular patient alive for nearly two weeks, only for him to crash tonight.  “Come with me,” I said softly, interrupting him.  I took Perry’s hand in my own, making him straighten up, and pulled him toward the door.

     He didn’t put up a fight as I led him to the cafeteria.  The hospital was quiet that night, and for that I was grateful.  No one tried to stop us on our way, nor did anyone comment on the fact that we were holding hands.  I was sure it was common knowledge by now that we were together, but we weren’t obvious about it.  Our getting together… it had been a long time coming, and both of us knew it.  By the time I’d finally gotten up the courage to ask Perry on a date, he had seemed perhaps a little too eager to accept.  I’d known then that I wasn’t alone in my feelings and everything had just sort of fallen into place.  There had been no pressure, no expectations from either of us, and deciding to let this be whatever it was worked quite well.  That, of course, had been _months_ ago – almost half a year, actually.  We’d kept it under wraps on purpose at first, but a couple months ago we’d given up and the transition from being strictly colleagues to being colleagues who were in love with each other had happened quite seamlessly.

     I was grateful that the transition had already happened because if I couldn’t try and comfort Perry now, publicly, I doubted he’d let me at home.  He would have had hours to stew in his own self-loathing by then and anything I said wouldn’t have made a difference.  I sat him down at our table, right next to the window.  The cafeteria was closed apart from a few of the vending machines, which were our only source of light in the deserted room.  I slid into the chair next to him, his hand still in mine, and looked over at him.

     “What happened?” I asked quietly.  Even that felt out of place in the otherwise silent cafeteria.

     I took it as a good sign that he didn’t pull his hand away, but he shook his head.  “JD, I don’t – I don’t want to talk about it.”

     “I know you don’t,” I sighed.  “But you need to.”

     Perry closed his eyes for a long moment and rubbed his thumb over my hand.  When he spoke, it was to the table rather than my face.  “I was in there, just – just checking his vitals,” he murmured.  “He went into v-fib and I tried shocking him, but it didn’t work.  His heart just… gave out.”

     “You know that happens sometimes,” I said in as gentle a voice as possible.  “His heart was already weak and these past couple weeks haven’t been easy on him.  I saw him earlier… He was tired, Per.”

     Perry pulled his hand away and rubbed his face.  “He could have had years left,” he muttered.  “I should have been able to give that to him.”

     “Do you remember what you told me, back when I was an intern?” I asked after a few minutes, not waiting for him to answer.  “You said that everything we do is a stall.  All we’re doing here is trying to keep the game going, but eventually, it always ends the same way.  Whenever I lose a patient, I remind myself of that because I know I’m doing my _best_ for every single person that comes in here.  My best is all I _can_ do.  If, for whatever reason – maybe it’s too much blood loss or because of a weak heart – my best isn’t enough, I tell myself that it was a _stall._ When I think of that, I don’t lose hope.  It makes me try that much harder to keep that stall going, to give my patient as much time as I possibly can.  It doesn’t matter if that’s two hours or two years.  And that’s exactly what you did, Perry.  You gave Mr. Wagner two extra weeks to – to say goodbye and to make peace with himself.  He wouldn’t have had those two weeks if it wasn’t for you.”

     Perry slowly let his hands fall from his face, though he kept his eyes on the table in front of us as I spoke.  “When did you get so good at giving advice?” he asked, finally turning his head to look at me.

     I smiled softly up at him.  “I had a great teacher.”

     Perry put an arm around me, pulling me closer.  I was pleased by the change in position, and even more pleased that he wasn’t wallowing any longer.  He buried his face in my hair and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.  “I don’t want to be here anymore,” he whispered.  I could hear the pain in his voice and there was nothing more I wanted to do than take him away from this place.  I had been there; I remembered the times when the hospital seemed to pile it on even more than usual.  The last time it had happened, to both of us, in fact, was two years ago when we’d lost Jill Tracy, whose organs we used for transplants.  She had turned out to have died from rabies and we’d infected all our other patients with the virus.  It had taken far too long to get Perry out of that slump and I was determined that that wouldn’t happen to him again.

     “We’re both off tomorrow,” I reminded him.  It was a day we had both been looking forward to for quite some time.  “We can do whatever you want, I promise.  We don’t even have to _think_ about being here.”

     Perry groaned and I held him a little tighter.  “What do you think about a vacation?” he asked.  “I just… I need to get out of here for a while and I want you to come with me.”

     “I’d go anywhere with you, Perry,” I murmured.  “Wherever, whenever.”

     I swore I felt him smile.


	20. A World of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've seen some posts about soulmate!AUs and there was one that said you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate. Naturally, I slapped some JDox on it and it was beautiful.

              It came together like a watercolor painting: muted, faded at first, but then layer by layer a masterpiece was created.  Swelling blues and greens revealed themselves like ink being dropped into clear water, blossoming and flourishing in a brand new, wild world of color.  The effect was slow, but all-encompassing and suddenly color was all he could remember.  His memories flashed through his head in a whole new light; he saw the oranges and pinks of sunsets and the vivid purple of the violets his mother grew in her garden.  There were so many shades and hues to look back on – how there could be so many different colors was beyond him, but he appreciated them all.  He had heard people describe their favorite colors before, but he couldn’t understand how anyone could choose between them – at least until he looked up into his soulmates eyes. 

              They were breathtaking: an icy, stormy blue behind which there was a story he was desperate to know.  He felt the sudden urge to both laugh and cry and found himself doing a little bit of both.  It had all happened with a certain grace, a leisureliness that put him at ease, a sense of calm washing over him.  For some, it was too overwhelming, but he found himself wanting to go outside and see what colors the world held for him.  He decided such exploration could wait, though, because the reason for this burst of color was standing right in front of him.

              JD realized that Carla had excused herself from the patient’s room and that Dr. Cox was crossing the room toward him.  He could see the shades of white in the older man’s lab coat as it moved with him, creasing and billowing.  Still, JD had trouble keeping his eyes off those crystalline blue eyes, the ones that were locked on his own.  Absently, he wondered what color his own eyes were, but he wasn’t given much time to contemplate as Dr. Cox took JD’s face in his hands with a surprising gentleness, given his demeanor, and kissed him.  It was slow and soft and didn’t last all that long, but for JD, it was consuming.  He could have lived inside that kiss forever and was just about to wrap his arms around Dr. Cox when he pulled away. 

              “I’m Perry,” he murmured, looking down into JD’s eyes with a wonder that made him blush.

              “JD,” he whispered, unable to look away.  He had a feeling that seeing color in a world where Perry Cox existed would be the greatest thing he could ever do.

 


	21. My Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JD has a little conversation with Jack.

              “We haven’t had a night in together in almost two weeks, you realize that?” Perry asked, his hand cupping my face as his thumb brushed my cheek. 

              “I’ve been counting the days,” I said with a smile.  “It’s been sixteen, actually, unless you count that night we had in the on-call room…”

              “I definitely _don’t_ count that one,” Perry chuckled.  “We both got paged about two seconds after we finished, and we both know how you love your afterglow.”

              I laughed and playfully pushed Perry.  “Says you, you big softie,” I teased.  “You like cuddling after and you know it.”

              Perry rolled his eyes and pulled me closer.  “I’ll never admit it,” he said fondly as he leaned in to kiss me.

              Eagerly, I threw my arms around his neck.  We’d seen each other at work just about every day, of course, but hadn’t had a chance to really spend time together.  “I missed you,” I murmured against his lips.  “So much.”

              “I missed you too,” he replied, kissing his way to my neck.

              Before we could get any further, the door to Perry’s apartment flew open, making me jump about a foot in the air and Perry sit straight up in shock. 

              “Per,” Jordan said with no regard for what she’d just interrupted, “I’m going to my mother’s for the weekend and I need you to take Jack.”  Sure enough, she was carrying Jack’s car seat, in which he was sleeping soundly, barely three months old.

              Perry looked torn, glancing between me and his son.  “Perry,” I said softly, touching his arm, “it’s okay.  Really.”  I could never come between him and Jack, and I wouldn’t want to.  If it meant sacrificing our alone time, I understood.

              Perry sighed and gestured for Jordan to bring Jack over.  It was no secret that she wasn’t exactly happy with me, seeing as Perry had chosen me over her when she decided she wanted him back.  The two of them kept things civil for Jack’s sake, but it turned out their definition of civil was a little different than most.  Civil for Perry and Jordan meant constant bickering, angry glares, and, just like tonight, showing up unannounced at any given time.

              “There’s formula in the diaper bag,” Jordan called over her shoulder, having set Jack on the couch and already making her way to the door.  “See you in three days.”

              The moment the door slammed shut, Perry groaned, running his hands down his face.  Gently, I placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Perry, it’s okay,” I repeated.

              “No, JD, it’s not okay!” Perry said in frustration, pulling away from my touch.  I looked down and sighed.  “She can’t keep doing this, just… interrupting our lives!  I love my son, god help me, I do, but she can’t just drop him off whenever she wants.”

              My eyes flickered over to Jack, who was still sleeping.  “We can still have a nice night,” I offered timidly.  “He’s just a baby.  He’ll probably sleep most of the night anyway.”

              Perry huffed out a breath and carefully took Jack out of his car seat.  “I’m going to put him in his crib,” he said quietly, all without even looking at me.  Part of me wondered if I should just go home.  Every time Perry was around Jordan, he got like this.  Angry, distant… I hated it, hated that she had that power over him.

              I watched him go, walking down the hall toward Jack’s room.  After a few moments, I stood and moved the car seat out of the way, next to Jack’s diaper bag.  If I could just get Perry to relax, maybe we could still salvage our night together.

              A few minutes later, Perry returned, a baby monitor in his hand.  He sat back down next to me, but he was still tense.  I was able to lace our fingers together, and was pleased to see him looking back at me when I lifted my gaze back to his face.  “Hey,” I said softly, my thumb rubbing circles on his hand.  “I don’t mind having Jack here.  Really.”

              “I know,” Perry sighed.  I saw his shoulders lower just slightly as some of the tension left him, but there was no indication of the smile he’d had earlier.  “I have to get those locks changed.”

              “Just relax,” I murmured, leaning in to kiss at Perry’s neck.  I was determined to rid all thoughts of Jordan from his mind by any means necessary.  “For me.”

              Perry let out a breath, his eyes closing.  “I’m sorry, kid,” he said after a moment.  “I’m just not in the mood right now.”

              Slowly, I pulled away, feeling a little hurt and a lot frustrated.  Still, I wasn’t planning on leaving.  “Okay,” I said, my voice subdued.  “Why don’t we just go to bed?  You had a long day at work, I know.”

              Silently, Perry stood and pulled me up along with him.  I walked along beside him, wishing there was something I could do to put him in a better mood.  He had been so happy before, so happy to be spending the night together.  Why couldn’t he see we could still do that?

              When we reached his bedroom, he stripped down to his boxers while I changed into the sweats I’d brought along with me.  He set the baby monitor on his nightstand, turning the volume up.  It was clear he intended to go to sleep.  At least we would be together even if the night hadn’t gone the way I’d planned.  I climbed into bed, but was surprised to find he had turned on his side, facing away from me.  My face fell, but I decided not to push it, so I turned away from him as well, curling in on myself.  “Night, Perry,” I whispered, and I received no response.

              The next time I opened my eyes, it was hours later and I could hear Jack’s cries coming from the baby monitor.  Perry hadn’t woken up yet, so I slid out of bed and padded down the hall, still half-asleep.  I figured the least I could do was save him the trouble of getting up, and besides, I was perfectly capable of taking care of Jack.  Before I made my way into the nursery, I stopped to grab the diaper bag, figuring Jack was hungry. 

              “Hey, Jack,” I said softly when I walked over to his crib, finding him fussing, but not quite crying.  “What’s the matter, buddy?”  I scooped him up and brought him over to the rocking chair that Perry had picked out when he’d found out Jack was his. 

              The moment I sat down and started rocking him, Jack quieted down, though he made the occasional noise as he stared up at me.  “Just didn’t want to be alone, huh?” I murmured, holding him to my chest.  “Yeah, me either.”

              Jack whined a little, but I watched as his eyes began to droop.  “Your daddy loves you so much,” I told him, mesmerized by his tiny features.  “Sometimes he and your mommy don’t get along very well, but I promise they’ll always take good care of you.  I will, too, if they let me.”

              Jack seemed to consider this before closing his eyes.  I didn’t blame him.  After all, it was hard work being a baby.  “I hope your daddy keeps me around for a long time, so I get to see you grow up,” I continued, though I knew Jack was drifting off.  “I bet you’ll be handsome, just like him.  And so, so smart.  I hope you’re just like him.  And I’m gonna tell you something, something I haven’t even told your daddy yet.  I love him, more than I ever thought I could.  I know he’s not always the most talkative, and that he gets upset sometimes, but it’s okay.  Because even if he can’t say it, I know he loves me, too.”

              I rocked Jack for a little while longer, making sure he really was asleep, before I gently set him back in his crib.  I watched him for a moment, smiling softly, before making my way back to the bedroom.  As quietly as I possibly could, I slid back into bed and pulled the covers back over me, careful not to disturb Perry.  I didn’t bother trying to cuddle with him, considering the way we went to sleep.  I wasn’t angry at him – how could I be?  I more than understood his frustration with Jordan and with not being able to see me as often as he wanted to, even though I wished he didn’t shut down because of it. 

              That was why I was shocked, and let out a small noise, when I felt Perry’s arms move around me, pulling me close as he spooned me.  “You were right,” he breathed, his lips brushing against the back of my neck.

              “I was?” I asked slowly, my voice no more than a whisper.  “About what?”

              “What you said to Jack,” Perry said simply.

              I froze in his arms.  I hadn’t even _thought_ about the baby monitor.  Had he heard everything I said?  “W-which part was that?” I asked nervously.

              “I woke up when you got out of bed,” he replied, running his hand over my side, making me shiver.  “I heard everything, JD.”

              I swallowed hard.  If he was saying what I thought he was… “Perry, you don’t have to –”

              “I love you,” Perry whispered, resting his head against mine.  “I love you so damn much and I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you.  I’m sorry that I get in my own way sometimes and that I shut you out and that I’m not so good at communicating, but I want to try.  For you.”

              I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  This was nothing short of incredible.  “Perry, I – I love you.  I have for a long time.”  I turned in his arms to face him, bringing a hand up to touch his cheek.  “I didn’t mean for you to hear it that way… and everything else I said.”

              Perry turned his head and pressed a kiss to my palm, surprising me with the tenderness with which he did it.  “It’s okay,” he said softly.  “And for the record, I want you to be in Jack’s life, too, just as much as you want to be.  I know you’ll take good care of him.”

              I nodded, my eyes welling up with the tremendous faith Perry was putting in me.  “Thanks,” I said thickly, unable to tear my gaze away from him.  “I – I don’t want to intrude on anything, but I love him, too.  I promise I’ll take care of him, Perry.”

              He kissed me softly then, holding me closer.  “I know,” he assured me.  “I’m sorry about tonight, about the way I acted.  You deserve better than that.  Hell, you deserve the world.”

              I let out a long breath, trying to compose myself.  “All I want is you, Per,” I murmured.  “You _are_ my world.”

              Perry smiled faintly and rested his chin on my head.  “Get some rest,” he whispered.  “Love you, kid.”

              “I love you,” I echoed, closing my eyes and relaxing completely in Perry’s arms.  “Goodnight.”

              This time, I did get a response.

             


	22. Their Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry plans a special surprise for JD on Valentine's Day

              “I just want to make it special for him,” Perry muttered, his arms crossed as he looked Carla.  “Are you gonna help me or not?”

              Carla grinned from ear to ear.  “Of _course_ I’ll help you,” she agreed, looking smugger than she had any right to.  “You big softie,” she added under her breath.

              “Heard that,” Perry called as he walked away.

 

              “Hey, Per,” JD said happily as he fell into step with Perry.  “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

              “Hmm,” Perry replied, grunting his acknowledgement of the holiday he usually despised.  He’d decided to play it off to keep JD from realizing he had a fantastic surprise planned for him.  “Just another Tuesday, don’t you think?”

              JD’s expression faltered for a moment, but he quickly masked it.  “Oh, uh, yeah, I guess,” he said unconvincingly. 

              Perry rolled his eyes and stopped walking, grabbing JD’s hand and pulling him in for a quick kiss.  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sheila,” he sighed.  “Now get to work.”

              JD looked considerably happier after that and walked off toward a patient’s room.  Perry watched him go before pulling out his phone to check that Carla and Turk were working on finishing up the smallest details of his surprise.

 

              JD’s shift finished an hour after Perry’s and when he got to their apartment, he was more than looking forward to a quiet night in, complete with a sappy movie and some cuddling.  However, Perry was nowhere to be found when he got home, much to his disappointment.  The apartment was dark – it looked like Perry hadn’t come home at all.  JD frowned and set his bag down by the door and kicked off his shoes.  Surely Perry would have told him if he was going somewhere… and where on earth would he be going on _Valentine’s Day_ , especially since he knew that the holiday meant a lot to JD.

              JD made his way to their bedroom, planning on changing into more comfortable clothes, when he saw a note on their bed, beside it a single red rose.  His heart leapt and a smile shone brightly on his face within moments.

             

_Meet me in the park at seven.  I love you._

_\- Perry_

_PS: No, I don’t care what you wear._

JD grinned and changed into jeans and a t-shirt, shrugging on a hooded sweatshirt over it.  He took care to put the rose in a vase (which was nothing more than one of their nicer glasses) before pulling on his sneakers and heading out the door so quickly that he nearly forgot his keys.  It was already quarter to seven and he certainly didn’t want to keep Perry waiting, though he hadn’t the foggiest idea what he had planned.

On his way to the park, he couldn’t help but think about the last few years.  He and Perry had gotten together just after he finished his internship, though they’d kept it quiet for a few months before everyone started to catch on.  JD had found that Perry was much different outside of the hospital; he was much more caring and far sweeter than JD had ever anticipated.  That wasn’t to say that they hadn’t had their problems and fights.  The first time JD walked out on Perry after a particularly heated argument and spent the night at Turk and Carla’s, JD had been shocked to realize that Perry had thought they’d broken up.  It had just been a fight and they had both needed time to cool down.  Perry had taken JD’s walking out to mean he was really _leaving,_ which broke JD’s heart when he came back, making him forget why they’d even been fighting in the first place. 

They’d had far more good times than bad, though.  He thought about the first trip they’d taken together.  They’d gone to the coast for a long weekend and spent most of it walking on the beach or in their hotel room.  That trip had marked the first time Perry told JD he loved him, and truthfully, JD couldn’t have picked a better setting for it.  They were sitting in the sand while the sun set with Perry’s arms wrapped around JD from behind.  He’d whispered it out of nowhere and JD had closed his eyes and committed the sound to memory before saying it back.

Perry still didn’t say it as often as JD did, but JD didn’t need to be told.  He just _knew._ Perry was always showing him that he loved him, whether it was by bringing home his favorite food or texting him something sweet during a long day.  JD found himself waking up each morning and loving Perry a little more each day. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he arrived at the park, just a few miles from their apartment.  He wasn’t entirely sure where to go, but it wasn’t that big of a place.  Surely he’d find Perry somehow.  He got out of his car and started walking toward a favorite spot of theirs, more out of habit than anything else.  As he got closer to the gazebo where they’d had their first _real_ date (one that involved real food and not just jumping into bed with each other), he realized they’d put string lights in it, casting a warm glow on the interior. 

JD walked inside and looked around, smiling softly.  Whoever had decided to do this was brilliant.  He would have to tell Perry about it once he found him. 

“JD,” Perry said from behind him, his voice quiet.

JD spun around, grinning.  “Oh, Perry, I got a little sidetracked – _oh my god._ ”

JD’s eyes widened and then began to water when he realized what was happening.  Perry was down on one knee, looking back at him with an unreadable expression.  “What are you doing?” JD whispered, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.

“I’m proposing, you idiot,” Perry said with a weak laugh.  “May I?”

JD nodded, holding back a sob that threatened to break free.  “Please do.”

Perry cleared his throat, never taking his eyes off JD for even a second.  “I never actually thought I’d be here, doing this again,” he said, taking care to keep his voice level.  “But I realized that I get to wake up every morning next to _you_ and after three years together, I still _like_ that, and I’ll be damned if I don’t love you more every single day.  So… marry me?”

JD knew that if he tried to speak, he’d just end up bawling his eyes out, so he settled for sinking down to Perry’s level and practically pushing him over when he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.

Perry smiled against JD’s lips and wrapped his arms around his waist.  “Is that a yes?”

JD pulled back and nodded, tears running down his cheeks.  “Of _course_ it’s a yes,” he said thickly.  “I think I’ve rubbed off on you over the past few years.”

Perry reached up and brushed JD’s tears away.  “Sure have,” he chuckled.  “Come on, you didn’t really think we were just going to sit around at home doing nothing for Valentine’s Day, did you?”

JD shrugged, laughing.  “A little, yeah,” he admitted.  “This is so… Perry, this is _perfect._ ”

“Carla helped,” Perry muttered.  “Gandhi, too.”

“Wait, they _knew_?” JD asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I threatened them under penalty of death to keep their mouths shut.  They strung the lights and the rose was Carla’s idea.”

JD smiled.  “You’re so sweet,” he said warmly.  “I love you so much, Perry.”

“I love you too, kid,” Perry murmured, pressing a soft kiss to JD’s lips.  “You want to see your ring?”

JD nodded excitedly.  “I still can’t believe this is happening,” he gushed.

“Well, believe it,” Perry said as he pulled a ring out of his pocket and slid it on JD’s finger.  “Also, why did Gandhi know your ring size?”

“He’s my best friend,” JD said, blinking at Perry like his answer should have been obvious.

“Right,” Perry said slowly, shaking his head.  “Well, what do you think?”

“I love it,” JD said softly, looking down at the ring.  “Where’s yours?”

Perry reached into his other pocket and handed the ring to JD.  “Care to do the honors?”

JD eagerly slid the ring on Perry’s finger, admiring it all the while.  “It’s very you,” he said in approval. 

Perry smiled and pulled JD up toward one of the bench seats in the gazebo, moving an arm around his shoulders as he kissed the top of his head.  “I’ve got a good feeling about this,” he commented.

“Yeah,” JD agreed.  “Me too.  This has got to be the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.”


	23. My Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JD and Turk begin planning a surprise for Perry, but it goes badly wrong.
> 
> In which JD is transgender, legally married to Perry, and 100% friend-married to Turk.

              “Dude, are you okay?” Turk asked, eyeing JD suspiciously.  Over the past few minutes, Turk had watched him wince in pain more than once, though it seemed to be momentary and he acted like nothing had happened. 

              “Yeah, of course,” JD said quickly, waving a dismissive hand in Turk’s face.  “I’m fine.”

              “All right,” Turk said begrudgingly, turning his attention back to the TV.  It had been ages since he and JD had gotten time to hang out together without their significant others.  Carla had gone shopping with Elliot and Perry was away at a medical conference that Kelso had roped him into.

              The two of them chuckled at all the funny parts of the _Brady Bunch_ rerun, which they practically knew by heart they’d watched it so many times.  Turk didn’t miss it when JD’s hand suddenly flew to his lower stomach and he winced once again.

              “Okay, what the _hell_ is going on?” Turk asked, switching off the television.

              JD rolled his eyes.  “I’m _fine_ , Turk,” he insisted, though his pale face begged to differ.  “I’m just having some cramps is all.”

              Turk didn’t seem satisfied by JD’s answer.  “I’ve seen you with cramps before,” he said seriously.  “You curl up in a ball on the couch with a heating pad.  Tell me what’s going on.”

              JD frowned, but Turk could tell he was giving in.  “Perry and I… we’ve been trying to have a baby,” he finally admitted.  “It was supposed to be a secret.”

              Turk’s eyes widened.  “Wait – I don’t – you’re _pregnant_?” he asked in shock.  “I didn’t think you’d want to do that.”

              JD blushed.  “I haven’t taken a test yet, but I know the signs,” he told Turk.  “And Perry and I have talked about it a lot since we got married.  I’m in a place right now where I’m comfortable carrying a child and besides, why shouldn’t I?  I mean, it’s _our_ baby.  I don’t want a surrogate.”

              Turk still had a look of surprise on his face.  “I can’t believe this,” he said, mystified.  “You’re gonna be a dad.”

              A brilliant smile suddenly appeared on JD’s face.  “Yeah, I am,” he said with a small laugh.  “So’s Perry.  And look, he and I have, like I said, talked a _lot_ about this.  It’s something that’s been a long-time coming, but we’ve only been trying for a couple months, so I’m not expecting it to happen so fast.  I just… I’m really ready for this.”

              Turk leaned across the couch and pulled JD into a quick hug.  “I’m happy for you guys,” he said with a genuine smile.  “And you know I’d do anything to help.  I’m gonna be a bluncle, after all.”

              “Yeah, you are,” JD laughed.  “The best bluncle ever.”

              “You know what you should do,” Turk said, grinning in a way that told JD he was coming up with one of his plans.  “Carla still has some pregnancy tests in the bathroom.  That way you’ll know for sure and you can surprise Perry when he gets home!”

              “You think so?” JD asked, beaming.  It was no secret he loved surprises, especially when it was something big like this. 

              “Do it,” Turk urged.  “Plus I can say I was the first to know.”

              JD rolled his eyes, but pushed himself up off the couch.  “Don’t tell Perry that, he’d be upset,” he teased as he walked toward the bathroom.

              Turk waited impatiently after JD closed the door, his fingers crossed that the baby they weren’t even sure existed yet would be a boy.  Several minutes later, JD emerged, but the look on his face was not something Turk had expected to see.

              “What is it?” Turk asked, noting that JD looked far worse than when he’d gone into the bathroom and that he was shaking.  “Is everything okay?”

              JD shook his head.  “Something’s wrong,” he told Turk, his face ashen.  “I think I need to go to the hospital.”

              Turk immediately stood from his seat on the couch and hurried over to JD.  “What happened?” he asked worriedly, helping JD get his shoes on.  “You were fine a minute ago.”

              “There was a lot of blood,” JD said quietly.  “And that, along with the cramping… It’s not good, Turk.”

              Turk wasn’t sure what to say – part of him wished Perry was here instead of him, but JD was his best friend and he would do anything for him, including this.  “Okay,” Turk said gently, leading JD toward the door.  “Let’s go.”

             

              Turk had called ahead while he drove to let the right people know they were coming, all while JD stared out the window silently.  Turk noticed he kept a hand on his stomach, though he wasn’t sure if it was because he was in pain or just because it was comforting.  He hoped against hope that this was just a normal pregnancy symptom and not what they both knew it was.

              He offered to push JD in a wheelchair when they got to the hospital, but JD had quickly refused.  Still, Turk stayed close to him and glanced over at him often. 

              “Will you come in with me?” JD asked quietly on their way up to obstetrics.  “I don’t think I can do this alone.”

              “Of course,” Turk said without hesitation.  “You’re my best friend, JD.”

              JD nodded, his arms wrapped around himself as they walked.  He spotted his doctor down the hall and walked a little faster toward her.  Turk followed them both back into an exam room.  He kept his head down when JD changed into a gown and then took his place right beside him, up by his head.  He did his best to give good moral support, but knew that it wasn’t time to try and joke around to lift JD’s spirits.  This was serious.

              JD closed his eyes when the doctor began examining him and Turk watched his face.  He wondered if he should excuse himself and call Perry, but he didn’t want to leave JD alone, especially since he’d asked him not to.  JD’s doctor said she wanted to get a blood sample and Turk watched as JD’s eyes fluttered open.  His expression was different, almost blank, as he agreed.  Turk wondered if he was steeling himself for the blow that was sure to come.  The atmosphere in the room told them all they needed to know about the outcome of JD’s exam.

              JD remained silent as the doctor took a blood sample and then assured them she’d be back as quickly as she could.  Turk wasn’t sure what to do – he wasn’t much good at this sort of thing, but he wanted to make it easier for JD in any way he could. 

              “Is there anything I can do?” he asked after some time, during which JD had laid there, motionless, and stared at the ceiling.

              JD shook his head in small movements and did not look at Turk.  He decided not to talk anymore after that.

              By the time the doctor returned, Turk had sunken into a chair in the small room, but he sprang up out of his seat when the door opened and took back his spot standing right next to JD.  He listened with an overwhelming sense of dread as the doctor explained that JD had miscarried, that there was nothing he could have done differently, that this happens sometimes, and that it would have no effect on any future pregnancies he might have.  JD didn’t have any questions for her, so she left them alone with a list of helpful resources and support groups for this sort of thing.  Robotically, JD sat up and Turk handed him his clothes. 

              “Can you give me a minute?” JD asked in a broken voice, his eyes firmly on the floor.

              “Course,” Turk said, awkwardly shuffling out of the room.  He walked out into the corridor and pulled out his phone, selecting Perry’s name from his contacts.  This was probably the last thing JD wanted him to do, but he knew he had to.

              “Gumball,” Perry answered, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

              Turk’s voice was subdued, anything but joking.  “Perry,” he said in greeting, “you need to come home.”

              There was a sudden silence that lasted for a few moments before Perry spoke again.  “What happened to him?” he asked slowly, and Turk could hear the fear in his voice.  “Is he okay?”

              Turk hated to be the one to break the news to Perry, because he was certain it would devastate him as well.  “He – he had a miscarriage,” he said, running a hand down his face.  “He wasn’t even sure he was pregnant and he was cramping and bleeding, so I brought him to the hospital –”

              “I’ll be on the next flight,” Perry said, cutting Turk off and promptly ending the call.

              Turk didn’t blame him.  He wouldn’t want to lose it on the phone to _anyone,_ let alone Perry.

              Several minutes later, JD joined him out in the hall, fully dressed, but he still didn’t meet Turk’s eyes.  “I want to go home,” he said quietly.

              “Okay,” Turk said, letting JD lead the way down the hall.  “Home it is.”

              He wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell JD that he’d called Perry.  Maybe it was because he didn’t want him even more upset and worried about Perry’s emotions in all this on top of everything else, or maybe because he thought the surprise would make him a little happier, even if it was just so they could grieve together.  Whatever the reason, he kept his mouth shut as he drove JD back to the apartment he and Perry shared.   He had no intentions of letting JD be alone, though.  He parked his car and helped him up to the apartment.  JD said nothing the entire time.  Turk wondered if he was grateful for the company or if he just didn’t have it in him to argue with Turk.  Either way, Turk wasn’t leaving. 

              JD turned down the hall that led to their bedroom without a word and Turk watched him sadly.  He made his way into the kitchen and got JD a glass of water before following him into the bedroom.  “Here,” he said softly, setting the drink on JD’s bedside table.  “Drink that, okay?”

              JD nodded from his place under the covers, nothing more than his nose and eyes and hair visible. 

              “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything,” Turk continued.  “Get some rest, V-Bear.”

              “Thanks,” JD whispered, staring at the wall in front of him. 

              Turk was surprised JD wasn’t in tears yet, but he supposed he was still in shock more than anything.  He was sure the tears would come eventually and he’d do whatever he could to make things easier on both of them.  Over the next several hours, Turk checked on JD frequently, sometimes just popping his head into the dark room, other times walking over to his side of the bed and making sure he’d been drinking his water and offering to bring him something to eat.  JD refused each time, sounding exhausted. 

              He passed the time waiting for Perry’s arrival by leafing through some of the magazines and medical journals the two of them left lying around and then channel surfing.  He kept the volume nearly muted so he didn’t disturb JD, not that any of the shows really held his attention anyway.  By the time he heard Perry’s key in the lock, it was well into the evening.  He stood up from the couch as Perry came inside, dropping his bags on the floor.

              “He’s in the bedroom,” Turk said in lieu of a greeting.

              Perry nodded and headed that way, but paused halfway through the living room.  “Thank you,” he said gruffly.  “I know you’d do anything for him and I – that means a lot to me.”

              “Of course,” Turk said quickly.  “Go on, you don’t have to thank me.”

              Perry heard the front door close behind him and knew that Turk had left.  He continued on his way toward the bedroom, not bothering to flip on the lights.  “Sweetheart,” he murmured as he walked over to JD’s side of the bed and knelt down next to him.  “You awake?”

              JD’s eyes opened slowly and took a moment to adjust in the darkness.  “You’re home,” he whispered.

              “Turk called me,” Perry told him.  “How are you feeling?”

              “I don’t know,” JD answered after a brief pause.  “I think I’m kind of numb right now.”

              Perry sighed and walked back around to his side of the bed to crawl in next to JD, holding him from behind.  “I’m so sorry,” he breathed, burying his face in JD’s hair.

              The moment Perry’s arms wrapped around him, JD’s breath hitched with a sob he hadn’t even expected.  His body shook with each noise, each heartbreaking cry that wrenched its way out of his chest and into his pillow.  He wasn’t numb, not anymore.  He had wanted this baby, the one he hadn’t even been sure existed, more than anything.  He and Perry had spent months and months talking about starting a family and what becoming pregnant would mean for JD himself.  Being trans was not something that had ever deterred him from wanting to carry their child despite what people might say.  That was what Perry had always expressed the most worry about: how JD would handle people talking about him.  In return, JD had promised that if he was having trouble, he’d tell Perry immediately, and if need be, he would even take an extended leave of absence from the hospital.  Now none of that seemed so important anymore.

              “What if I did something wrong?” JD sobbed into his pillow and he felt Perry’s arms tighten around him.

              “JD,” he said thickly, “you didn’t.  You did everything you were supposed to.  You’ve been off your hormones since we started trying, both of us had our fertility tested…  These things just happen.  We’ll try again when you’re ready.”

              “I’m sorry,” JD whimpered, his eyes squeezed shut.  “I’m so sorry.”

              Perry rubbed JD’s side.  “Why are you apologizing?” he asked softly.

              “Because I know you wanted this, too,” JD whispered.  “We both did.”

              Perry’s hold on JD relaxed.  “Look at me,” he said, his voice quiet but firm.  He waited as JD turned over in his arms and brushed away some of his tears.  “I love you.  We’re going to get through this and we’ll try again and that baby will be here before you know it.”

              JD sniffled and curled close to Perry’s chest.  “I love you too,” he said sadly.  “I don’t know why I’m so upset… I didn’t even know I was pregnant.”

              “I’m sad, too,” Perry assured JD, rubbing his back.  “We still lost a baby, even if we didn’t know until after.”

              JD took a deep, shaky breath.  His tears had gradually stopped flowing, but the ache deep inside him remained.  “Thanks for coming home, Perry,” he murmured. 

              “There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be right now,” Perry told him.  “Nowhere.”


	24. Our Little Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set a month and a half after Perry's and JD's daughter, Grace, is born. Straight up fluff.

              “Why won’t she sleep?” JD asks, his desperation obvious.  “What am I doing wrong?”

              “Sweetie, you’re not doing anything wrong,” Perry insists from the doorway of the nursery.  “She’s a baby.  This is what they do.”

              JD bends his head as he paces, bouncing their newborn daughter in his arms.  “I’ve tried everything, but she won’t sleep,” he says helplessly.  “I’m so _tired_ , Perry.”

              Perry steps into the nursery and holds out his arms.  “Give her to me,” he says gently.  “Come on, JD, you need to sleep.”

              “I can do it,” JD mumbles, holding Grace against his chest.  “I can take care of my own daughter.”

              “JD,” Perry says slowly, lowering his arms, “I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

              “I – fuck, I know,” JD sighs.  “I’m sorry.  Here, you – you can take her.”

              Perry takes Grace in his arms, trying to get her to stop crying.  “Hey,” he says softly, looking back at JD. 

              “Hey,” JD echoes, lifting his gaze to look at Perry. 

              “You’re doing an incredible job,” Perry says softly.  “We both knew there would be sleepless nights and the whole thing… it’s an adjustment.  But we have our baby girl, who we’ve wanted for a very long time.”

              JD manages a small smile and reaches up to kiss Perry’s cheek.  “I’m the luckiest man on the planet,” he murmurs.

              “I’ll argue with you about that in the morning,” Perry chuckles.  “Go get some rest, babe.”

              JD kisses Grace’s forehead, grateful that she seems to be settling down at least a little, not so much crying as she is fussing.  “Goodnight, Grace,” he whispers.  “Be good for Daddy.”

              Perry watches him go, noting the dark circles under his eyes.  Grace isn’t even two months old yet, but Perry hopes her sleep schedule starts becoming more regular soon.  JD chose to take some time off work, meaning that he spends more time with their daughter while Perry works.  Perry is growing worried that JD’s not getting enough of a break or enough rest. 

              An hour later, Grace is in her crib and Perry carries the baby monitor into their bedroom, setting it on his bedside table.  JD is fast asleep in their bed, for which Perry is grateful.  He climbs in bed next to him and hugs him close, pressing his lips against JD’s bare shoulder.  In his sleep, JD snuggles closer, draping his arm over Perry’s waist. 

             

              Grace wakes up three times that night and Perry gets up as quickly as he can, taking the baby monitor with him so it doesn’t wake JD.  He deserves all the rest he can get.  When JD does wake up the next morning, it’s because Perry is bringing him breakfast in bed.

              “Perry,” JD says in a scratchy voice as he stretches.  “What’s all this?”

              “This is breakfast,” Perry says simply, leaning down to kiss JD softly.  “And you are not allowed to leave this bed today.”

              “But you work today,” JD says, rubbing his eyes in confusion.  “And I have to pee.”

              Perry chuckles.  “All right, go pee.  But other than _that_ , you are not allowed to leave the bed.  And I told Kelso I was taking a personal day to be with my family.”

              JD smiles widely as he slides out of bed.  “Yeah, I’m definitely the luckiest guy on earth,” he says on his way to the bathroom.

              Perry has his food set up when he returns, and he’s sitting on the bed with Grace in his arms.  He takes her tiny wrist and waves it at JD.  “Say hi to Dad,” he tells her, grinning.

              JD’s heart swells with love for both of them as he sits down and pulls the tray full of food close to him.  “How’s my baby girl?” he asks, leaning over to kiss Perry.

              “Quiet, at least for now,” Perry tells him with a smile. 

              JD watches them as he eats, unable to stop grinning.  “Now that I’m done eating, am I allowed to go put all this in the sink?”

              “Not a chance,” Perry says firmly.  “Here, you hold Grace and I’ll take care of it.”

              JD holds out his arms and takes his daughter, smiling down at her.  “Hey, Grace,” he whispers, careful not to disturb her.  “Did Daddy take good care of you last night?  I bet he did.  He’s so sweet.  Did you see?  He brought me breakfast in bed and everything.”

              Grace opens her eyes for just a moment, looking tiredly up at JD before closing them again.  JD smiles at her with all the love in the world as he settles back into the bed, rocking Grace just slightly.  Perry soon walks back into the room, sitting on the bed behind JD and pulling him back against his chest, running a hand through his hair.

              “So what’s the occasion?” JD asks softly, closing his eyes.

              “You deserve a rest,” Perry tells him.  “You’re with Grace a lot more than I am, getting up at all hours of the night.  I wish I could give you longer than a day because you deserve _so_ much more.”

              “Per, you didn’t have to do that,” JD says half-heartedly.  “I was just tired last night; I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

              “I know, sweetheart,” Perry said, kissing the top of JD’s head.  “Please just let me take care of you for a change.  We haven’t seen enough of each other since Grace was born.  This is just as much me being selfish as it is giving you a break.”

              “Aw, do you miss me?” JD asks, tilting his head back to look up at Perry, a small smile on his face.

              “Very much,” Perry says quietly, wrapping his arms around JD from behind.

              “I miss you too,” JD murmurs, relaxing completely against Perry.  “Especially this.”

              “You know I’m so proud of you, right?” Perry says, nuzzling against JD’s hair, which is blessedly free of product.  “You’re doing so well with Grace, JD.  You were cut out for this.”

              JD blushes.  “I’m just doing my best,” he says modestly.  “And I’ve seen _you_ with her.  The way you talk to her is so sweet.”

              “Overall, I think we’re doing pretty well,” Perry says with a small chuckle.  “Our little family.”


	25. My Exquisite Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very, very NSFW, folks. Absolutely no plot, just a sex scene. Enjoy!

              “Perry,” I pant, throwing my head back and planting my heels into the mattress in a desperate attempt to thrust up into his hand.  “Perry, please.”

              He’d denied me twice so far, not allowing me to finish.  The first time, a mere ten minutes ago, he’d been giving me the best blowjob of my life when he pulled off just moments before I came.  This time, all he’d been doing was stroking me, fast and hard.  It was exquisite torture. 

              I reach a hand down to wrap it around my cock, but he shoves it away.  He’s having way too much fun with this.  I whine, loudly, and shove my face into the pillow as he secures both my wrists to the headboard.  My cock is positively throbbing, and steadily leaking onto my stomach.  I’m not sure I’ve ever been this turned on in my life.

              “Perry,” I whimper again, looking up at him pleadingly.

              “Yes, dear?” he purrs, leaning down to suck hard at my neck.  My cock leaps at the sensation and I cry out, rolling my hips in search of friction. 

              “I’m so hard,” I say pathetically, though the time has long since passed for me to be self-conscious about begging.  “Let me come.  Please.”

              “Be patient,” he warns me, trailing his fingertips along the underside of my cock.  My hips jerk up in response and I groan.  “It’ll be worth the wait, I promise.”

              Easy for him to say.  He’s not the one who’ll die from lack of orgasm.  Totally a real thing.  I’m a doctor.  He slides down my body and gives the head of my cock a long, generous lick, earning another moan from me.  “You’re evil,” I gasp.  A sheen of sweat coats my entire body.  I’m not sure I’ll survive this.

              “Don’t be dramatic,” he tells me, smirking up at me so smugly that for a fleeting moment, I hate his guts.  That is, until he pushes my legs up and apart to lick insistently at my entrance.  I moan more loudly than before, my back arching. 

              “ _Fuck,_ Perry,” I groan, pulling at my restraints.  My forgotten cock strains, twitching hard at his motions.  It’s not often that he does this, but when he does, it’s nothing short of incredible.  I don’t dare to hope that he’ll actually let me finish this time.

              He lets his tongue dip inside me, his fingers digging into the back of my thighs.  I’m panting again, trying to rock against him.  It’s a good thing I love him or I swear to god I’d kill him for this.  He hooks one of my legs over his shoulders to press his thumb against the patch of skin just behind my balls and I nearly explode.  Immediately, all touch ceases, leaving me frustrated, my orgasm just out reach.

              “Please,” I beg over and over, the word becoming my personal mantra.  “Please, please, _please_.” 

              I’ve never needed release so badly in my life and I know this is a power trip for him.  He loves seeing how far he can push me, but I’m not sure how much farther I can go.  I’m so busy begging that I don’t realize that he’s slicked up his own cock with lube until he’s pressing it into me.  My resulting moan comes from low in my chest and I wrap my legs around his hips the second he’s fully inside me.  I can tell how hard he is from all this and wonder how long he’ll last.  He leans down over me and catches my lips in a kiss that’s all teeth and tongue.  He even bites my lower lip and I suck in a sharp breath in response.  I’m aching now, my cock still leaking precome onto my stomach.  He’s moving in and out of me in such slow movements, making sure I feel every single inch of him.

              “Perry,” I sigh, my eyes heavily lidded. 

              “Mm?” he answers, pulling back and resting his weight on his forearms.  I can see his face better now.  God, he’s incredible.  Intoxicating.  I can tell he’s getting close, just by the way he’s breathing.

              “I want to come with you,” I tell him, gasping again as my cock rubs against him.  “Please, Perry.”

              He shifts his weight and wraps a hand around my cock and I nearly come undone right there.  But I hold on despite my head screaming at me to just _let go_ and soak in the feeling as he starts thrusting into me much harder, much faster, just the way I like it.  Curses spill from my lips and I hear him moaning.  Yes, yes, he’s finally going to let me come, right along with him.

              My climax hits me like a freight train and I cry out, so loud that I’m certain the neighbors hear me, my cock spasming hard in Perry’s hand.  I feel him spill inside me, hear him groan, and I just keep coming, coating Perry’s hand and my stomach.  It feels like it will never end, and I’m not sure I want it to after all it took to get here.  I whimper his name over and over again as I ride out the tidal wave of pleasure, my entire body shaking.  One last shock courses through me before I go limp in the bed, my eyes falling shut.  I have never felt more sated or more satisfied in my life.  He’s lucky I didn’t go through all that just for a lackluster orgasm.  I try to tell him as much, but I can only mumble, still shaking as my body turns to mush.  Besides, it’s never lackluster with him.  I make a pathetic noise when he pulls out of me and slides off the bed. 

              He returns quickly with a damp washcloth and cleans me off, pressing soft kisses to my shoulder.  Then he takes off the wrist cuffs, untying me from the headboard.  He tosses them over his shoulder and I immediately curl into a ball against his chest.

              “You were amazing,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing my back to try and stop me from shaking.

              “Intense,” is all I can manage at the time being.  He pulls the blanket over us even though we’re both sweating and kisses my forehead.  He’s always perfect afterward, so caring and gentle with me.  We don’t do things like this as often as we used to.  Usually we’re lucky to squeeze in a quickie if we’re both home at the same time, but half the time we’re too tired.  Tonight was a special occasion since we both didn’t have to work until later tomorrow. 

              “I know,” he replies, his voice soft and calm.  “You did great, JD.”

              I gradually stop shaking, though my entire body still feels like I’m floating.  “I love you,” I whisper against his neck.  “So much.”

              “I love you, too,” he tells me.  I can hear the smile in his voice.

              “’M gonna be sore tomorrow,” I mumble.  It’s not even how hard he fucked me, but rather being so tensed up for so long.

              “I’ll give you a massage,” he promises, chuckling.  “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

              I grin and take a deep breath, soaking him in.  “I’ll hold you to that,” I say, just moments before dozing off.


	26. Our Surrogate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A five-part oneshot in which Elliot is JD's and Perry's surrogate. JD is trans in this one, but wouldn't be comfortable carrying a child, so they ask Elliot. Little snapshots into what the pregnancy is like for the three of them.

**One**

“Are you guys planning on telling me what’s going on?” Elliot asks, glancing nervously between JD and Perry. 

              “We have something to ask you,” JD says, his hand firmly in Perry’s.  Both of them are sitting on the edge of their sofa, their gazes directed at Elliot.

              “Okay,” Elliot replies.  She doesn’t know what to expect from them.  She can only hope it’s not something terrible.

              “Perry and I have been talking a lot,” JD says, looking up at his husband, “and you know we’ve wanted to have a baby for a while now.”

              “Yeah, of course,” Elliot assures him.  “You guys will be great parents.”

              “Thank you,” Perry interjects.  He’s been on his best behavior tonight, not even teasingly calling Elliot ‘Barbie.’

              Elliot nods, waiting for JD to continue.

              “Yeah, thanks,” JD agrees.  “Anyway, we wanted to ask you to… be our surrogate.”

              Elliot’s eyes widen and she looks from JD to Perry and back again in shock.  “Y-you… really?”

              “Only if you want to,” Perry says, nodding.  “We know this is a big decision and if you need time to think it over, we understand.”

              “Elliot,” JD interjects, “there’s no one else I’d trust more to carry our child.  It – it would be my egg, of course, but even though we considered it, I don’t think I would be okay enough mentally to carry the baby.  You were the logical choice.”

              They both watch as Elliot tears up and blinks rapidly.  “I – I just can’t believe you’re asking _me_ ,” she says thickly.  “You know I’d do anything for you guys.  I’d _love_ to do this.”

              JD actually jumps in surprise and glances over at Perry, his face lighting up.  “You would?” he asks in disbelief.

              “Elliot, you have no idea how much this means to us,” Perry says, a grin spreading onto his face.

              “I think I do, actually,” Elliot disagrees with a laugh.  “JD’s been talking about this for _months_ , wanting to have a baby with you.  I didn’t realize you were considering surrogacy or I would have volunteered!”

              JD springs up, tears welling up in his own eyes as he holds his arms out for a hug.  “Thank you so much,” he murmurs as he hugs Elliot tightly.  “Just… thank you.”

              Elliot giggles softly and kisses JD’s cheek.  “I totally get you not wanting to do this yourself,” she tells him.  “This is my way of helping you, making it easier on you.”

              JD wipes his cheeks and laughs.  “You’re a saint,” he says honestly before looking at Perry over his shoulder.  “Get up here.”

              Perry’s grin widens and he kisses the top of JD’s head before hugging Elliot.  It occurs to him that, though they’ve gotten much closer since he and JD started going out, he and Elliot don’t always display their emotions toward each other.  However, he considers this the best gift anyone’s ever given him.  “Anything you need,” he promises her, “you just let us know and we’ll take care of it.”

             

**Two**

“Elliot should be here any minute,” JD calls to Perry, who’s finishing getting supper ready.

              “I’m just about done in here,” Perry calls back.  “Is the table set?”

              “Yes, it is, Per,” JD chuckles as he walks into the kitchen and leans on the counter.  “What are you so nervous for?”

              “What, you aren’t?” Perry asks, arching an eyebrow as he puts their steaks on plates to rest.  He leans across the counter and kisses JD softly.

              “I’m trying not to get my hopes up,” he says with a shrug.  “There’s a good chance she won’t get pregnant the first time and I don’t want to end up disappointed.”

              Perry smiles softly.  “Fair enough,” he allows, but before he can say anything else, the doorbell rings.  “Here we go.”

              Both of them answer the door together, revealing a beaming Elliot holding a bottle of wine.  “I brought this,” she says right away, thrusting it into JD’s hands.  “But I can’t drink any because _I’m pregnant!_ ”

              JD’s jaw nearly drops and Perry barks out a laugh.  “Didn’t want to waste any time, did you?” he asks, pulling Elliot into a hug.

              “There was no way I could have played it out,” Elliot explains, moving from Perry’s arms to JD’s shaking ones.

              “Oh my god,” JD says breathlessly as Perry pulls them both inside the apartment and shuts the door.  “I – I didn’t think… _oh my god_.”

              Elliot laughs and pulls back to look at JD.  “I think I broke him,” she says to Perry.

              “No, I just – I didn’t think it would happen so soon,” JD says, shaking his head.  “I thought we’d have to try over and over and it would be so hard.”

              “I just have an awesome uterus,” Elliot says with a straight face.

              Perry snorts and puts his arms around JD’s shoulders.  “We’re having a baby,” he says, watching his face intently.  “It’s really happening.”

              “Okay,” JD says, waving his hands, “I’m going to start blubbering like an idiot if you don’t shut up.”

              Perry chuckles and pulls JD to his chest and, as if on cue, he loses it.  Elliot watches them with a soft smile, tearing up herself.  She knows now without a doubt that this is the best decision she’s ever made.

 

**Three**

              “Is it weird that I’m nervous?” Elliot asks, looking up at Perry and JD.

              “Definitely not,” JD tells her.  “I’m nervous, too.  We’re about to hear the heartbeat for the first time.”

              Perry rubs JD’s shoulder, clearly nervous as well.  Dr. Matthews, their preferred OB, comes in and explains the procedure to Elliot before he starts the ultrasound.

              “I’m just looking for the heartbeat now,” he tells Elliot, who’s biting her lip. 

              They all wait silently until the only sound in the room is their baby’s heartbeat.  JD sucks in a sharp breath and Elliot looks up at them with a grin.  Perry, for his part, is transfixed by the sound, completely in awe.  If it hadn’t sunken in for any of them yet, it certainly has now.

 

**Four**

              “Oh my god, you guys,” Elliot says, lounging on the couch, “come here!”

              “What’s wrong?” Perry asks, hurrying over with JD in tow. 

              “Just give me your hand,” Elliot sighs, grabbing Perry’s hand and placing it on her stomach.  “The baby’s kicking again.”

              Perry smiles, relaxing.  Throughout the pregnancy, he’d been more than a little paranoid, much to Elliot’s annoyance.  When he finally feels the kicking, his eyes widen.  “I bet that’s fun when it’s aimed at your bladder,” he remarks.

              “I want to feel,” JD says excitedly, brushing Perry’s hand aside and placing his own on Elliot’s stomach.  He laughs when he feels it, looking at Elliot in awe.  “That is so _cool_.”

              “Yeah, until it’s keeping me up at night,” Elliot chuckles.  “Totally worth it, though.”

              “I just can’t get over how _easy_ you make this seem,” JD says, plopping down next to Elliot.  “It’s like you were meant for this.”

              Elliot blushes and looks up at JD.  “Kinda feels that way,” she says softly.  “I wish you’d let me find out what it is, though.”

              “Not a chance, Barbie,” Perry says, winking at her.  “We both want it to be a surprise, isn’t that right, sweetie?”

              “That’s right,” JD says with a grin.  “And we both know that if you find out, you’ll tell Carla and Carla will tell Turk and Turk will let it slip to me and then I’ll tell Perry.  Am I wrong?”

              Elliot pretends to pout.  “No,” she mutters, crossing her arms.  “Still not fair.”

              JD laughs and rests his head on Elliot’s shoulder.  “We’ll find out in just a couple months,” he says placatingly.  “Until then, you can help us brainstorm names.”

 

**Five**

“Perry?” Elliot says into her phone.  Her voice is a little off and she knows it.

              “Yeah?” Perry says, holding his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he cleans up the apartment.  Elliot’s due any day now and he wants to make sure the place is spotless when they bring the baby home.

              “Can you come get me?”

              “Where are you?” Perry asks, confused and a little preoccupied.

              “I’m at home.”

              “I’m not following,” Perry says slowly, tossing the dirty clothes from their bedroom into the hamper. 

              “My, uh, my water broke this morning,” Elliot says and Perry can hear the nervousness in her voice. 

              Immediately, he straightens up, now devoting his full attention to the conversation.  “Have you been having contractions?” he asks, already pulling his shoes on and reaching for his keys.

              “They’re about seven minutes apart right now,” Elliot tells him.

              “Elliot!” Perry says in shock, sprinting into the nursery to grab his and JD’s hospital bag.  “Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

              “I didn’t think it would go so fast!” she says shrilly.  “I’m kind of freaking out, okay?”

              Perry knows that telling Elliot that he’s freaking out too isn’t a good idea.  “Just take some deep breaths,” he says as gently as he can manage.  “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

             

              By the time Perry gets Elliot to the hospital and into a room, her contractions are nearly five minutes apart and she’s just barely holding back tears.

              “JD’ll be here soon,” Perry offers, standing anxiously next to Elliot’s bed.  “I hope.  There was an accident on the highway and he’s stuck in traffic.”

              Elliot whimpers and reflexively reaches for Perry’s hand, doubling over in pain as she breathes through another contraction.  Perry lets her squeeze his hand as hard as she needs to, surprised at the power behind it. 

              “You’re doing great,” he tells her honestly, though he feels a little out of his element.  “Just keep breathing, Elliot.”

              “Easy for you to say,” she pants just as Dr. Matthews strolls in.

              He performs a quick exam and determines that Elliot is ready to begin pushing. 

              “Whoa, whoa, wait,” Elliot says quickly.  “JD’s not here yet.”

              “I’m afraid we can’t wait any longer,” Dr. Matthews tells her.

              Elliot looks up at Perry, panicking.  “He’s not here,” she repeats, her eyes wide.

              “He’ll be here as soon as possible,” Perry says soothingly.  “But I’m right here with you, all right?  You’ll do great.  You can do this.”

              Elliot takes in a deep, shaky breath, but she looks a little more determined.  “Thanks, Perry,” she says softly before turning back to Dr. Matthews, still holding Perry’s hand tightly.  “Okay, let’s do this.”

              “Great,” he says, several nurses in place beside him.  “The next time you feel a contraction, I need you to give me a nice, big push.  Think you can do that?”

              Elliot nods, looking more determined than Perry’s ever seen her.  Mere moments later, she squeezes his hand hard and pushes, hard, letting out nothing more than a few whimpers.  Perry keeps up a constant stream of encouragement and helps keep Elliot’s hair out of her face. 

              “I’m here,” JD shouts, racing into the delivery room, breathless.  He hurries to Elliot’s other side and takes her hand.  “Sorry I’m late.”

              Elliot doesn’t get a chance to greet him as she pushes again, staying relatively quiet even as she puts all her effort into it.  Several minutes later, Dr. Matthews announces that the baby’s almost here and asks Elliot to ease up just a little. 

              “You hear that?” JD says, already starting to tear up as he looks at Elliot.  “You’re almost done, Elliot, you’re doing so well.”

              Elliot manages to give him a weak smile in between contractions while she tries to catch her breath.  She pushes once more and JD and Perry hear the sound they’ve been waiting nine months for: their baby’s cries. 

              Before they know it, Dr. Matthews is cutting the cord and one of the nurses places the baby in JD’s arms.  “Meet your daughter,” the nurse says, smiling widely.

              JD can’t hold back the swell of emotions he feels when he looks down into her face.  She’s still crying, loudly too, but she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.  He can’t help but cry right along with her, tears streaming down his cheeks as he counts her fingers and toes.

              Perry can hardly take his eyes off them, but he doesn’t want Elliot to feel forgotten.  He bends down and kisses her forehead.  “Thank you,” he whispers, and she squeezes his hand. 

              “You’re welcome,” she whispers back, watching as JD carefully transfers their daughter into Perry’s arms.  

              “Oh my god,” he breathes, finding himself even more choked up than he thought he’d be.  “She’s… she’s perfect.”  He realizes he’s actually crying, and for a few moments, the whole world stops as his daughter looks up at him, still fussing.  The first thing he notices is that she has JD’s eyes.


	27. His Protector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this post I made the other day on tumblr: http://pcrrycox.tumblr.com/post/160916546600/holy-shit-so-as-usual-i-was-daydreaming-while-i
> 
> Fair warning: there's some hinted-at sexual violence, but nothing major and definitely nothing explicit. Mostly just uncomfortable feelings.

              Perry had been sitting at the bar since his shift ended.  It just so happened that JD, Turk, Carla, and Elliot had the same idea, and soon after Perry arrived they filed in the door, laughing raucously about something that was undoubtedly ridiculous.  Perry grumbled to himself and quickly ordered another scotch, deciding that if he had to sit here all evening and listen to their conversations, he might as well be drunk enough to hear them. 

              It turned out, as the evening went on, that there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to make the absurd conversations he was hearing seem even remotely normal, so Perry gave up on trying.  He had to wonder if it was always like this when they hung out, with all the bickering and Gandhi’s unnecessary way of adding ‘izzle’ to the end of half his words.  Perhaps Perry had walked into the twilight zone without realizing it.

              Across the bar, separated from his friends, JD was talking to a very tall, large man named Alan.  JD had quickly found out that, after Alan walked up beside him and offered to buy him a drink, that he was the epitome of all things jock, and while JD had a certain admiration for muscles, he didn’t often set his sights on guys like this one.  As their conversation lingered on, Alan made it clear that he was into JD and very much wanted to take him home.  JD grew more and more uncomfortable with the way Alan was coming onto him, but his friends were so busy with their own conversations that they didn’t even seem to notice JD wasn’t with them. 

              “I’m really flattered and all,” JD said with a nervous laugh as he rapidly developed a plan in his head, “but I actually already have a – a boyfriend.”

              Alan snorted and rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, sure you do,” he said dismissively.  JD swallowed.  “If you have a boyfriend, why isn’t he here with you?”

              “He is,” JD said, suddenly struck by a plan.  It was far-fetched, but if it got him away from this jerk, it would be worth it.  “See him, across the bar, with the scotch?  That’s Perry, my boyfriend.”  Oh _god,_ Perry was going to _kill_ him.

              “Prove it,” Alan said, crossing his large, muscled arms.  It was a clear challenge and JD could only hope that Perry would somehow understand.  “And if you can’t,” he said, lowering his voice and leaning in toward JD, so close that it made him even more uncomfortable, “I’ll expect you to be coming home with _me_.”

              JD shuddered as he slid off his barstool and walked around to the other side of the bar.  He already felt better about being away from Alan, but the closer he got to Perry, the more nervous he became.  _Please, please, please,_ he begged silently.  _Don’t hit me_.

              He walked up to Perry without glancing over at Alan and noted Perry didn’t seem to be drinking anything at all.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered without moving his lips just as Perry turned his head toward him.  Without further hesitation, JD took Perry’s face in both his hands and kissed him long and slow, trying to make the kiss appear as romantic as possible.

              Perry was stunned.  What the hell had gotten into the kid, thinking he could just waltz up and kiss him?  And yet, despite his complete and utter shock, his arms wound around JD’s waist of their own volition and Perry turned his whole body on his barstool so that JD was standing between his legs and they were pressed together as much as they could be.  The kiss lingered on and on, the two of them only taking momentary pauses for breath before capturing each other’s lips with a renewed fervor each time.

              The only reason for the two of them finally breaking apart was the sound of a glass being slammed down on the bar.  Both their heads snapped up and looked across the bar for the source of the sound.  JD quickly realized it had been Alan, who was glaring at him.  He shrank against Perry and watched in horror as he strode over to them, red-faced and intimidating.

              “Who the hell are you?” Perry asked bluntly, looking the man up and down with his right arm still circled around JD’s waist.

              “He’s – he’s nobody,” JD dared, tucking himself into Perry’s side.  After all, he hadn’t murdered JD yet.  “Just some guy who won’t take _no_ for an answer.”  He could only hope that Perry understood.

              Perry felt a sudden, inexplicable anger flare up inside him at JD’s words and he nearly rose out of his seat.  “Get lost,” he growled, his arm tightening around JD.  “ _Now_.”

              Alan turned away and stormed out of the bar, muttering under his breath the whole time.  JD waited until he was certain he was gone before relaxing, nearly going limp against Perry.  He looked up at his friends to find all of them were gaping at Perry and himself. 

              “Uh, sor – sorry about that, Dr. Cox,” JD babbled, jumping away from the other man.  He could feel his face turning bright red.  “He – he just wouldn’t leave me alone and I didn’t know what else to do so I’m – I’m sorry and please don’t kill me.”

              Perry resisted the urge to lick his lips as he watched JD jumping around nervously.  “It’s fine, Newbie,” he said gruffly, turning back to face the bar and deliberately avoiding eye contact with Carla.

              “Dude,” he heard Turk squeal, “how could you not pick _me_?”

              “I – I don’t know,” JD mumbled, running a hand through his tousled hair.  “I panicked.  And besides, you were acting way too straight.”

              “What, and Dr. Cox wasn’t?” Elliot muttered before dissolving into a fit of laughter.

              “Elliot, shut up,” JD said, frowning and glancing over at Perry.  “I was freaked out, okay?  Can we just drop it?”

              “Fine,” Elliot said, raising her hands in surrender.  “Don’t have to go and get all defensive about it.”

              “I think I’m just going to go home,” JD sighed.  “I’m not really in a party mood anymore.  I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

              “JD, come on,” Elliot called even as JD began walking toward the exit.  “It was just a joke!”

              “Don’t worry about him,” Turk said, taking another swig of his beer.  “He’ll be fine tomorrow at work.”

              Perry watched JD leave and even though he knew he should just leave well enough alone, there’d been something about that kiss and for whatever reason, Perry wondered if there’d been more to it than just JD trying to shake off some creep.  Perry stood from his seat and pulled a twenty from his wallet and set it on the counter.  He said nothing to the remaining group as he stalked off toward the exit.

              As Perry would later recall in the time after everything settled down, he didn’t even think about what he did next.  He walked out of the bar and immediately caught sight of some sort of disturbance on the far side of the parking lot.  Acting on a sudden instinct and with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he raced over.

              “Get the hell off me!” he heard an all too familiar voice say.  There, under a broken light in the parking lot, that ugly, meat-headed jock was pressing JD – _Newbie_ – up against a car.

              “Your boyfriend’s not here now to save you,” Alan growled, his large body leaving JD no room to escape. 

              JD tried as hard as he could to shove Alan away, but quickly found his hands pinned behind his back as Alan reached for the fly of his jeans.  JD’s breath came in panicked gasps as he tried to squirm, tried to find any way of getting free.  This wasn’t happening to him, it couldn’t be.  And suddenly, it wasn’t.  Alan was thrown off him and JD looked up to see Perry, of all people, with his sleeves rolled up and his hands balled into fists.

              “You have three seconds to get the hell out of here,” Perry said, his rage barely contained.

              Alan staggered back against the light pole and rubbed his jaw where Perry had punched him.  “Fuck you,” Alan spat, though he seemed to at least have the good sense to leave and not pick a fight.

              Perry watched him get into his car and drive away before turning back to JD, who was shaking rather violently.  “Jesus,” Perry sighed, stepping closer to JD.  “Newbie, did he hurt you?”

              JD shook his head.  “N-no, I’m fine,” he said unconvincingly.  “Physically, anyway.”

              “Come on, kid, you’re shaking,” Perry maintained.

              “If you hadn’t come out here…,” JD whispered, his arms wrapping around himself as he stared at the ground instead of meeting Perry’s eyes.  “Thank you.”

              “You don’t have to thank me,” Perry said, his voice taking on a tenderness he rarely used around JD.  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

              JD nodded, straightening up, though in his eyes was still that far-off look.  “Yeah.  That’d be good.”

              Perry led JD over to his car, suddenly grateful he’d only had the one drink.  He was still on high-alert, his eyes moving over the parking lot even though he knew that the guy had driven away.  The ride to JD’s apartment was silent, but Perry was pleased to see that he’d at least stopped shaking.  JD gazed out the window and tried not to think about what might have happened if Perry hadn’t shown up when he did.  He doubted he would getting much sleep that night.

              When Perry parked the car outside of JD’s apartment, he toyed with the idea of just dropping JD off and heading home, but something stopped him.  “I’ll walk you up,” Perry said, sliding out of the car along with JD. 

              “’Kay,” JD said in a subdued voice, not bothering to argue and tell Perry that he was fine, he could get inside just fine.  Part of him was grateful for the company.

              They walked up to JD’s and Turk’s shared apartment in silence, and JD did not question when Perry followed him inside.  He made sure to lock the door and went about getting ready for bed in his usual routine while Perry leaned dumbly against the half-wall in the kitchen.  It was while JD was in the bathroom, having changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, that everything truly hit him. 

              Perry found him ten minutes later, after having gotten rather worried about how long it was taking JD, sitting on the bathroom floor with his arms wrapped around his legs.  Perry noted the silent sobs that shook JD’s entire body and realized just how close a call it had been tonight.  Perry knelt down in front of JD but did not reach out to touch him.

              “Newbie,” he said gently, but he garnered no reaction.  “JD,” he said and that time, JD lifted his head to look up at Perry with watery, red eyes.  “Come on, you can’t stay on the bathroom floor all night.  Bed.”

              JD bit his bottom lip and wiped ineffectively at his cheeks before forcing himself up.  He felt like an idiot for breaking down at all, let alone in front of Perry, but at least he didn’t seem angry about the kiss.  Deep down, JD knew why he had chosen Perry, and it wasn’t just because Turk was acting too straight or because there was no one else around.  No, he’d chosen Perry a long time ago without even meaning to.  He had never told anyone else, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Carla saw right through him.  Thankfully, she’d never brought it up – not that it would have mattered, because there was no way Perry would ever feel the same about JD.

              He allowed Perry to walk him into his bedroom, but couldn’t force himself to look into the older man’s eyes.  He was too ashamed of himself, too pathetic.  At least he’d stopped crying, though he was sure he looked like a complete mess.  He felt a little better once he was in his own bed and under the sheets, but that meant that Perry would be leaving.

              “Newbie?” Perry said again, still in the same soft voice that JD doubted he’d ever get to hear again. 

              He looked up at Perry, feeling small.  “Yeah?”

              “Do you want me to stay?”

              It was a simple question, but JD was immediately touched by the offer.  He never would have asked Perry to, but if he was offering, surely that meant he wanted to…

              “Please,” JD murmured.

              Perry felt a stab of sorrow for the younger man as he looked up at him with those doe eyes.  He only wished there was something he could do to ease JD’s pain, to take away some of that fear.  If staying helped him, then he’d do it, no questions asked.  And he knew why he had offered to stay, and it wasn’t just because JD had been attacked or even because JD had kissed him.  No, he’d known for longer than he would have liked to admit just how much he cared for JD, and it wasn’t as a mentor or a father figure.  He’d never admit it out loud, but it just so happened that he loved JD far more than he’d ever planned.

              He toed off his shoes and sat down on JD’s bed, on top of the covers, and leaned back against the headboard.  “Then I’ll stay,” he promised, not surprised to see JD looking up at him with a mixture of shock and something else less easily defined.  He watched as JD gradually scooted closer to him until his head was right up against Perry’s hip.  “Get some rest, kid,” he murmured, draping his arm over JD’s shoulders.

              Eventually, JD relaxed and then, before Perry knew it, he was asleep, his arm draped over Perry’s leg and his head still resting against his hip.  Perry doubted he’d be getting any sleep himself – he was still far too worked up about that jerk that had come onto JD and what might have happened if he hadn’t decided to leave the bar when he did.

 

              Perry had just started to drift off, still sitting upright against JD’s headboard, when he heard Carla and Turk come home.  He debated hiding out in JD’s room, but decided that JD’s friends should know what happened.  As carefully as he could, Perry got off the bed, making sure JD was still sleeping before walking out into the living room, taking care to shut JD’s door behind him. 

              “What are you doing here?” Turk asked in confusion.

              Perry sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets.  “Before you freak out, he’s fine now, but it’s a good thing I left when I did.  That… that _jackass_ had him pushed up against a car and was about to…”

              “Oh my god,” Carla breathed, covering her mouth.  “What happened?”

              “I took care of it,” Perry said simply, preferring not to get too detailed.  It was bad enough just thinking about it.  “Got him home safe, but he was pretty shaken up.”

              “Is he still awake?” Turk asked, looking horrified.  “Should I go talk to him?”

              Perry shook his head.  “No, he’s finally asleep,” he told Turk.  “I think we should let him rest.  If he wants to talk about it, I’m sure he will, but for now, let’s leave him be.”

              Turk sank down onto the couch and Carla sat next to him and rubbed his shoulder.  “Thank you,” she said softly, looking up at Perry.  “I’m glad you were there.”

              “You and me both,” Perry agreed, sitting down in a chair near the couch.  “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if he’d gotten hurt…”

              It was silent for a few moments until Perry looked up at Turk and Carla, who were both staring at him in surprise – and in Carla’s case, a hint of satisfaction. 

              “Dude, do you…?” Turk asked slowly, though he trailed off when Carla elbowed him in the side.

              Perry figured that admitting his feelings out loud was a start, and maybe this could be a warmup for telling JD.  “Yeah,” he said quietly.  “I do.  I love him.  Have for a long time now and believe you me, I’ve tried not to.”

              “Does he know?” Turk asked, looking rather bewildered.  “I mean, he hasn’t said anything…”

              “No, I haven’t told him,” Perry said, shaking his head.  “Never really planned to, but I guess tonight just put things into perspective.”

              Carla started to smile.  “Perry, you’re ridiculous.  I mean, honestly, what’s stopping you from telling him how much you care about him?  If you’re scared, that’s _normal_.  And you can bet he’s scared, too.  But if you can’t see by now how much _he_ loves _you,_ then you’re more of an idiot that I ever thought.”

              Perry blinked at her, taken aback both by what she’d said and how she’d said it.  “I didn’t know,” he said lamely.

              “Dr. Cox, even _I_ could tell.  I mean, I tried to talk him out of it a few times, but I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do now.  So tell him.  And then treat him right or you’ll have me to answer to.”

              “You don’t have to worry about that,” Perry said readily.  “I won’t hurt him.”

              Turk nodded.  “Then go get him.  Or wait ‘til he wakes up, but either way, you should stay with him.  He’ll want you there when he gets up.”

              Perry stood up and walked back over to JD’s bedroom door, hesitating with his hand on the doorknob.  “You really think I’m good enough for him?” he asked, not bothering to look over his shoulder at them.

              “D’you really think I’d let you back in there if I didn’t?” Turk replied seriously.  “Perry, if you care about him as much as you seem to, I know you’ll be good for him.  And besides, he wants you.  That counts for a lot.”

              Perry actually managed a tiny smile.  “Yeah, I guess it does,” he said under his breath as he pushed open the door to JD’s room.  For some reason, he wasn’t all that surprised to find JD’s eyes open when he turned toward the bed after shutting the door once again.  “Hey, kiddo,” he murmured, sitting down on the bed beside JD.  “How you doing?”

              “I’m okay,” JD said softly, looking up at Perry in wonder.  “I thought I might have been dreaming when I woke up and you were gone.”

              “My shoes are still on the floor,” Perry pointed out with a half-smile.

              “Perry, can I tell you something?” JD asked after a short pause.

              “Course you can,” Perry said, swallowing hard.  He had a funny feeling he knew what JD was about to say.  This was it.

              “I – I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I’ve… I’ve had these feelings for a while,” JD said slowly, trying to choose his words carefully.  “Feelings for – for _you_.  And if you don’t feel the same way, I understand, but you’d tell me if I was reading too much into the way you’ve been with me tonight, wouldn’t you?”

              “Yeah, I’d tell you,” Perry said, reaching out for JD’s hand that had been fidgeting nervously with his pillowcase.  “But I don’t have to.  JD, I – I’m afraid I haven’t been honest with you, making you feel like you were alone in this because the truth is is that I’m… well, I’m in love with you.  And I have been for a long time.  I’m just sorry it took what happened tonight for me to tell you that.”

              “You love me?” JD whispered, his blue eyes rapidly filling with tears. 

              “I do,” Perry confirmed.  “That’s not supposed to make you cry, you know.”

              “I know,” JD mumbled, clearing his throat and wiping at his eyes.  “I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t think I’d ever actually get you to say it.”

              Perry opened his arms to JD.  “Come here, Newbie,” he said quietly.  “I’ll say it as much as you want me to.”

              JD quickly moved into Perry’s arms, wrapping his own arms around Perry’s waist and burying his head against Perry’s neck.  “I love you,” he breathed.  “So much.”

              “Me too,” Perry replied, holding JD tightly.  “More than you know.”

              “I’m not so sorry that I kissed you at the bar anymore,” JD giggled, though Perry could tell he was still crying. 

              “Yeah, I bet not,” Perry chuckled, pressing a kiss to JD’s forehead.  “Look, JD, I promise I’ll take care of you.  No one will hurt you on my watch.”

              “I know,” JD said softly.  “I trust you, Perry.  You already proved that tonight.”

              Perry tightened his hold on JD momentarily and closed his eyes, rocking the other man in his arms.  He had a good feeling about this.

 


	28. Happy to Be Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a post I made on tumblr

              It had been three months since JD left Sacred Heart.  Adjusting to life away from his closest friends that he’d worked alongside for eight years was difficult, but rewarding at the same time.  He was closer to his son and had a great place all to himself.  Once he and Elliot had come to the conclusion that they were better off as friends, everything seemed to fall into place in JD’s life – except for one thing.  Or in this case, one _person._

              Elliot had told JD herself that he was wasting his time.  Turk had said the same.  Carla, on the other hand, said that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.  At the end of the day, though, it didn’t really matter what his friends thought.  He only cared about one person’s opinion.  Perry’s.

              JD couldn’t lie – the fact that Perry had hardly given him a passing glance as he left on his final day at Sacred Heart still stung, but he held onto the hope that Perry was just too proud of a person to make any grand displays of affection or appreciation for the years they had spent working alongside each other.  Deep down, JD felt he knew that Perry cared about him, at least on some level, but asking Perry to share his feelings was like trying to get blood from a stone.  Each time JD visited Sacred Heart after he left, which was no more than a few times per month, he’d missed Perry.  He was always fed some excuse by Ted as to where Perry was or what he was busy doing.  By the second month, JD had stopped asking about Perry, though he couldn’t force himself not to wonder.

              JD had come to visit again, having a rare two-day stretch off during which Kim and Sammy were out of town visiting Kim’s mother.  JD was staying at Elliot’s place – just like old times, he’d said – but was spending most of his time hanging around the hospital.  Carla had shooed him away from the nurses’ station a half hour ago, and in that time, JD’d found that the newest group of interns was just as incompetent and immature as ever, Doug’s legs were once again broken by a corpse, and that he was, in fact, still on Perry’s “Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever Allowed In” list.  He smiled at the sign, but was quickly broken out of his thoughts by a very sweaty and nervous Ted.

              “Dr. Dorian!” he said, using his tie to wipe at his forehead.  “What are you doing here?”

              “Oh, I’m just in town for the weekend,” JD explained.  “Thought I’d stop by and see if Perry was in.”

              “Not yet,” Ted said, looking harassed.  “Thank goodness, because I was supposed to have all these sorted for him by today.”  He held up the large stack of files in his arms.

              “Say, Ted,” JD said, an idea popping into his head as he completely ignored Ted’s troubles, “d’you think I could wait in Perry’s office for him?  There are some… things I need to talk to him about, transferring retirement funds, that kind of thing.”  Of course, JD was lying, but if there was even the smallest opportunity he could talk to Perry, he’d take it.

              “Oh, I don’t know,” Ted said slowly, eyeing the list behind JD.  “You’re still on the ‘Never, Ever, Ever’ –”

              “Ted, don’t you think it’s a little silly that I’m that list when I don’t even work here anymore?” JD interrupted.

              Ted scratched his head as he thought over JD’s point.  “Well, I guess it wouldn’t do any harm,” he allowed.  “Go on in.  He leaves the door unlocked – everyone’s just too scared to try and open it.”

              JD chuckled.  “Thanks, Ted.  Good luck with those files.”

              Once Ted had hurried off – and sounded like he’d dropped the stack of files if his resounding “ _Oh man!_ ” was any indication – JD tried the knob of Perry’s office door and sure enough, it was open.  He slipped inside and walked across the room to the windows that overlooked the parking lot.  God, he missed it here, missed how familiar it was and how effortlessly he fit in.  It was bittersweet, being back, because it made him miss everything he’d known since the beginning of his career in medicine, and more importantly the people that had been such a big part of his life.  He knew that he’d made the right decision in leaving, even if it was only to be closer to his son.  He daydreamed often about picking up Sacred Heart with a very large crane and moving it closer to Sammy just so he could come back.

              JD was still gazing out the window, watching the rain pour down over everything he could see, his hands stuffed into his pockets, when Perry walked into his office.  JD was so engrossed in his own thoughts, as usual, that he didn’t notice.

              “So, did you forget you quit and showed up at the wrong hospital?” Perry asked, striding over to his desk.  He was already halfway there by the time JD spun around in surprise.

              “I didn’t hear you come in,” he said lamely.  “I’m sorry, I just… I wanted to see you.”  Perry did not look at JD, much to JD’s dismay.  “You – you look good.”

              Perry rolled his eyes.  “Dr. Dorian, it has been three months since you’ve seen me.  People don’t tend to change much in three months.”

              “Whoa, Dr. Dorian?” JD asked, his eyebrows shooting up.  “When did that start?  Where’s the ‘Newbie,' the girls’ names?”

              Perry leaned over his desk, his hands planted flat on its surface, and he finally looked up at JD.  “What do you want?” he sighed.  “You don’t work here anymore.”

              JD swallowed hard as he realized that this could be his last chance to find out once and for all how Perry truly felt about him.  “Dr. Cox… _Perry_.  I think we both know the answer to that question.”

              “Couldn’t just leave well enough alone,” Perry said under his breath, shaking his head.  “Who am I kidding?  Of course you couldn’t.  You’re _you_ for Christ’s sake.  Look, JD, I don’t know what you’re looking for here, but you’re not going to find it.”

              “I’ll respect that and walk out this door right now if you can look me in the eyes and truthfully say that you don’t feel anything for me,” JD said, preparing himself to hear exactly that.

              Perry looked over at JD again, seeming to study him.  When he didn’t speak, JD decided to continue.

              “Look, I followed you around this place for eight years,” he said, crossing his arms.  “All I ever wanted was for you to let me in, Perry, and the times you did were few and far between.  I honest to god don’t know if that’s because you’re the most stubborn person on earth or if it’s just because you really don’t think about me like I think about you.  These last three months have been really hard for me, leaving all my friends back here and starting out fresh, but leaving you was just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  And not only did I leave, but I left without hearing a damn thing from you.  You owe me that much at least.”

              “So what do you want me to say?” Perry asked, sounding helpless.  “That I miss you?  That this place is damn near insufferable without you around?  That there’s no one here to tell me what’s important or when I screw up?  That ever since you walked out that door I’ve regretted not telling you exactly how I feel about you?”

              JD held his breath, his eyes widening as Perry spoke.  If this was what he thought it was…

              “Don’t make me say it, Newbie,” Perry murmured, closing his eyes for a brief moment.  “Just don’t.”

              JD walked the few short steps to close the distance between them.  “You don’t have to,” he breathed.  Even if Perry couldn’t say it out loud, at least now he had his answer.  For a moment, the only sound in the room was that of the rain hitting the window as the two of them looked at each other, unable to tear their eyes away.  And then, before JD could properly process it, Perry’s lips were on his and his arms were wrapping around JD’s waist, pulling him closer than the two of them had ever been.

              JD felt all the breath rush out of him as he threaded his fingers into Perry’s hair, reveling in the taste, the feel of him.  Perry’s kiss was anything but gentle or delicate, but JD was more than ready to give just as good as he got.  When Perry paused to take a breath, JD bit down lightly on Perry’s lower lip, pulling a low groan from deep in his chest.  JD pressed closer, repeating the movement and pulling slightly.

              “Careful there, Newbie,” Perry said in a rough voice, not bothering to pull back to look at JD.  “You keep biting me like that and I won’t be responsible for what I do next.”

              JD shivered, but dared to trail his kisses down to Perry’s neck.  When he reached the spot where Perry’s neck met his shoulder, he bit down again, running his hands down Perry’s sides.  He felt the older man shudder and heard him growl and then seconds later, he was being pushed back toward the couch across from Perry’s desk.  JD was determined not to let his lips leave Perry’s neck, so he continued kissing him and pulled Perry down on top of him when he fell backwards onto the couch.

              Perry lowered his hips down onto JD’s and the two of them rocked together in search of friction.  JD moaned softly, finally letting his head fall back and his mouth drop open when he felt Perry pressing down against him.  Through the layers of both their clothes, JD could feel Perry, just as hard as himself, but he quickly became desperate for more.

              “Too many clothes,” he gasped as Perry retaliated, biting JD’s neck as his hand roamed beneath JD’s shirt.  “Want to feel you.”

              Perry lifted his head and JD looked up at him, breathing hard, and watched as Perry’s expression shifted.  The lust in his eyes was still there, but suddenly there was something more… something that made JD’s heart beat even faster.  Wordlessly, Perry pushed JD’s shirt up and pulled it off, moving his hands over the smooth, pale skin revealed to him.  JD hummed his approval, but quickly moved to do the same to Perry, pulling his shirt over his head.  He’d seen Perry shirtless before, but this was different.  It was more intimate, and now he was allowed to _look_.  Perry ducked his head after letting JD stare at him for a few long minutes, a small smile on his face as he pressed his lips to JD’s once again.

              By the time Perry’s hand found its way into JD’s pants, JD was beyond thinking.  He let out a choked moan against Perry’s lips, rocking his hips up into his hand.  “Oh god,” he gasped as Perry’s hand wrapped around his cock, not even moving yet.  JD was quick to reciprocate, pushing down Perry’s pants as much as he could and curling his fingers around his cock, stroking slowly as he took in the feel of it in his hand.

              Perry whimpered – honest to god _whimpered_ – but JD didn’t have the presence of mind to really appreciate it just then as Perry’s hand had started to move, matching his own pace.  JD closed his eyes as Perry dropped his forehead down onto JD’s, both of them rocking together and stroking each other with at a pace that gradually began to quicken. 

              “You feel so good,” JD murmured, rolling his hips up in time with Perry’s touch.

              Perry groaned.  “You too, kid,” he managed, pressing kisses along JD’s jawline.

              “Wanted this for so long,” JD breathed, his back arching when Perry sped up.  He had a feeling Perry didn’t want him to keep talking, but he couldn’t help himself.  “Th-thought about it a lot.”

              “So did I,” Perry said after a moment, his breathing going ragged.  JD was rather surprised that Perry would admit to something like that, but even more surprised that Perry felt the same way.  “Thought about you a lot.”

              JD moaned loudly, tensing up as he got closer.  He’d have to ask Perry more about that when he was able to form words.  Right now, he was too close to think about anything other than the fact that it was Perry’s hand wrapped around his cock, squeezing and stroking him so perfectly.  He was doing everything he could to keep his voice down, but it wasn’t until Perry silenced him with a very thorough kiss, that the sound was muffled.  He quickened his own pace on Perry’s cock, feeling it twitch in his grasp.

              “Fuck, JD,” Perry groaned, his mouth dropping open against JD’s.  They continued rocking against each other’s hand with a mutual desperation.  JD felt Perry tense up and heard him gasp and then make soft, low noises as he came, coating JD’s hand.

              It was hearing his own name on Perry’s lips and the gorgeous sounds he made that pushed JD over the edge, a string of gasped nonsense falling from his mouth as he joined Perry, coming in long pulses across his stomach.  Perry gradually lowered himself down onto JD, kissing absently at his neck, as both of them tried to catch their breaths.

              “Oh, Perry,” JD whispered, carding the fingers of his clean hand through Perry’s hair.

              “You’re not to tell anyone that I cuddle after sex,” Perry murmured, but JD could hear the smile in his voice.

              “It’s fine,” JD chuckled.  “They wouldn’t believe me anyway.  Besides, I’m just happy to be here.”

              “You know what, Newbie?” Perry said, lifting his head to look JD in the eyes.  “Me too.”


	29. In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one, even if it's kind of short!

              The first time it happened, it was innocent enough; it had been a genuine accident on JD’s part, and it was certainly believable enough, as clumsy as he was.  He had been walking down the hall at a brisk pace, late for rounds, when he tripped in front of the elevators.  Nothing had tripped him this time – the Janitor wasn’t around – but left to his own devices, JD could find a way to trip over nothing but thin air.  He had braced himself for the fall that was sure to come, but instead, he was caught by a pair of large, strong, capable arms, finding himself tucked against the chest of none other than Perry Cox. 

              There had been a long, drawn-out moment during which the two of them did nothing other than stare at each other, their eyes locked in silent communication, though JD would later find it rather difficult to decipher what exactly Perry was thinking.  He always had a hard time trying to figure out what Perry was thinking, due in large part to the fact that he so often shielded his true thoughts and feelings with sarcasm.  Eventually, Perry had cleared his throat, breaking both of them out of their shared reverie and JD righted himself, planting both his feet firmly on the floor.

              “First day with your new feet, Newbie?” Perry had asked, rolling up the sleeves on his lab coat. 

              JD had forced a laugh as he nervously ran a hand through his hair, though he hadn’t the foggiest idea why he was so nervous all of a sudden.  “Something like that,” he’d agreed.  “I’m late for rounds, though, I should go.”

              They had parted ways, then, with JD hurrying off to rounds – somehow managing not to fall ass over teakettle again – and Perry heading toward the nurses’ station and trying to rid himself of the inexplicable blush that had settled on his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

              The second time it happened, it was just as believable, if not more so.  This time, the Janitor _was_ sneaking around, doing his best to follow JD throughout the hospital and harass him at every turn.  JD, being the avid daydreamer he was, rarely watched where he was going, and as such, found himself speeding down the hallway with one foot in a mop bucket – and he very much doubted that the water was clean.  He was certain he was about to go down when the same pair of strong arms that he was unlikely to ever forget the feeling of reached out and grabbed him, saving him from certain death – or perhaps just a few bruises and a wounded ego. 

              The breath rushed out of JD’s lungs when he slammed into Perry’s chest, but he was extraordinarily grateful to have been saved, not that he needed saving, per se, but if Perry were to call him a damsel in distress, he probably wouldn’t have disagreed. 

              “Thank you,” JD huffed out, grimacing at the feeling of his wet shoe.

              Perry grunted in acknowledgement and, after a brief moment of hesitation, patted JD on the shoulder.  “It’s a good thing you work in the hospital, kid, because you just might be the most accident-prone person on the planet.”

              “How d’you know this one was my fault?” JD asked, crossing his arms, though the effect was ruined when he took a step and his shoe made a terrible squelching sound.

              “Because I know you,” Perry informed him, raising an eyebrow as he grabbed his chart off the nurses’ station counter.

              “Valid point,” JD allowed, dropping his arms and squelching his way to the locker room. 

 

* * *

 

 

              The third time it happened was a good deal more frightening than the first two times.  JD’s and Perry’s shifts were over at the same time and they just happened to be walking out of the hospital together, though neither of them had planned it.  JD walked down the concrete steps just outside the doors and was making his way across the parking lot when Perry ran up right behind him and grabbed his arm, yanking him back rather roughly.  Mere moments later, a car sped past where JD had just been standing, clearly in so much of a hurry that they wouldn’t have stopped in time. 

              Once JD was able to process what had happened, he realized he was shaking.  And that Perry’s hand was wrapped around his arm like a vise.  He worked on taking a few deep breaths before he attempted to speak.

              “Th-thank you.”  The words came out much weaker than he’d intended them to.

              “Just watch where you’re going, would ya?” Perry growled, dropping his hand, though JD did not miss the stricken look on Perry’s face before he wiped it away. 

              “I’ll do my best,” JD said awkwardly.  Perry was already walking away and gave no signal that he heard the other doctor.

 

* * *

 

 

              The fourth time it happened, JD didn’t know about it.  Perry hadn’t been there to rescue him, and even though it was nothing but a minor concussion – or at least that’s what the E.R. attending had told him – Perry couldn’t help but feel guilty.  He lingered in JD’s room while Carla, Elliot, and Turk checked on him, though they didn’t do much else other than talk quietly amongst themselves, seeing as JD was still unconscious.  Once they all left, Perry made sure the door was shut and he spent a good minute just holding JD close, grateful that his falling off his scooter hadn’t resulted in a much more serious accident.

              When JD woke up, Perry was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

              The fifth time it happened was much different than the rest in that it was a mutual decision for JD to be wrapped up in Perry’s arms with his face buried against his shoulder.  They’d just lost Mrs. Wilk, a patient they’d both grown attached to.  It seemed that the only peace and quiet they could find in the hospital was up on the roof, and after a long few minutes of nothing but silence between them, JD inched closer to Perry, who only hesitated briefly before putting his arm around JD’s shoulders.  That quickly led to the two of them embracing each other, silently mourning their lost patient.  They were both able to take solace in the fact that they weren’t alone any longer.

 

* * *

 

 

             JD lost track of how many times it happened after that.  He was so often in Perry’s arms that it was commonplace, though he never stopped treasuring the feeling.  Of course, they caused quite a stir at the hospital, but after the initial shock died down, Perry seemed to let his guard down – though if he even heard a whisper of someone commenting on their private lives, he was sure to put them in their place.

Things between JD and Perry moved rather quickly.  It wasn’t long after they admitted their feelings for each other that JD was moving into Perry’s apartment, leaving behind Turk and Carla, who were quite happy to have their own space.  It seemed that everyone had seen the attraction between JD and Perry long before they themselves saw it, which was something they often joked about. 

 

* * *

 

 

              The time that JD treasured most was not their first embrace, nor the one that brought them together.  He had long since stopped keeping track of how many times a day Perry held him or kissed him – love couldn’t be measured in such a way.  No, his favorite time was when both of them were dressed in their best suits and swaying in time with the rhythm of their song.  It came eight months after Perry had gotten down on one knee – in public, no less – and asked JD to marry him.  They were surrounded by their closest friends who had all bore witness to a love that JD knew he would never feel with anyone else.  He smiled softly as Perry began to hum along with the words, their arms wrapped tightly around each other, and embraced the idea of forever.


	30. Spooning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao i'm ridiculous. when i first had the idea for this chapter, it was going to be a really sweet, romantic sex scene. but as the muses would have it, things change. anyway, enjoy!

_“I am warning you.  You better come through for him.”_

_“What do you want me to do anyway?”_

_“Be more sensitive!  Try giving him a hug!”_

_“Barbie… You’ve met me before, yes?  Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year and nine months ago, I hugged my son.  Which means you’re gonna have to do it.”_

_“Um, you saw us before.  We’re still awkward from the break-up.”_

_“Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him that I won’t have to deal with problems like this?  Because I’m seriously considering taking that hit.  I mean, honestly, what is he like in postgame?  Is there spooning?  Because I don’t spoon.  I’m not a spooner.”_

The funny thing was, Perry knew what he was doing – it was a mixture of annoying Elliot and hiding his true feelings behind a wall of sarcasm.  The truth of it all was seeing JD like this hurt him, tugged at heartstrings he didn’t even know he had.  What made it all even worse was that it was obvious that JD was trying to keep himself together, trying not to rely too heavily on anyone but himself, but was failing miserably.  Perry could see it in every expression on the younger man’s face – in the tight, forced smiles that never reached his eyes.  The same eyes that Perry had determined long ago that he never wanted to lose from his life.

              Elliot’s words nagged at Perry for the rest of the day, but by some unforeseen stroke of luck, he managed to avoid JD.  At least until JD showed up at his front door later that evening after he got home from work.  When he heard the knock at the door, the thought crossed his mind that it might be Jordan dropping Jack off without any warning – not something he altogether minded.  She never stayed long and talked extensively of her latest escapades with the college-aged boys she enjoyed spending time with.  But upon opening the door, it was not his son that Perry saw.  Rather, it was JD, looking confused, hurt, and heartbroken all at once.

              “I’m sorry,” JD said after a long moment of silence during which they both just looked at each other.  “I – I know I’m the last person you want to deal with, but I just needed someone to talk to and everyone else is busy –”

              “Come in,” Perry said, effectively cutting JD off, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

              “What?”

              “I invited you inside,” Perry said calmly, stepping back to let JD through the doorway.  “Unless you’d prefer to stand out in the hallway all evening.”

              JD blinked again before following Perry into his apartment, moving aside so Perry could shut the door behind him.  When Perry turned back toward JD, he was struck by the intensity of his feelings for him.  He’d spent so long pushing them down, filing them away, pretending they didn’t exist.  And because Perry was a selfish person, more selfish than most people knew, he stepped forward, crowding JD.  He lifted his hands and while JD did not flinch, he looked apprehensive about what was to come.  The last thing Perry wanted to do in that moment was frighten JD, so he took extra care in brushing his thumbs along JD’s cheeks, cradling his face in his hands with an uncharacteristic gentleness. 

              “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” Perry murmured, so quietly he wondered if JD even heard him.

              “I don’t want you to stop,” JD whispered, looking up at Perry with the doe eyes he so desperately loved, now filled with desperation and hurt and longing, all of it enough to break Perry’s heart.

              It was all he could do to pull JD into his arms and kiss him, long and slow.  He had never anticipated admitting his feelings to JD, a decision that had been driven mostly by fear of any and all emotions the kid stirred within him.  When it came down to it, JD was just about the most lovable person Perry had ever met, and he’d had a hard time resisting his charm right from the start.  It hadn’t been until now, four years later, that Perry finally gave in to his desires – the only desire stronger than his physical attraction to JD was the desire to keep him safe and happy at all times.  Seeing him so subdued and shaken after the loss of his father had nearly brought Perry to his knees and now that he’d given in, there would be no going back.

              JD didn’t seem to mind.

              Perry did not want to break the kiss for fear that JD might run for the hills even now, but their breathing was ragged and he wanted to make sure that this was what JD wanted.  He pulled back, just far enough to look into JD’s eyes, though they were both still very much in each other’s personal space. 

              “Should have been honest with you right from the start,” Perry murmured, carding his fingers through JD’s hair – he could only assume there was less product in his hair than usual because miraculously, his fingers didn’t get stuck. 

              “Might have saved some time,” JD said weakly, still clutching Perry’s upper arms as if that was the only thing keeping him upright.  “You… kissed me.”

              “And I’d gladly do it again,” Perry said, now speaking freely for the first time.

              “Maybe we should sit,” JD said softly, maintaining eye contact with Perry the whole time. 

              Perry led JD over to the couch, watching as the younger man slowly sank down upon it.  “You kissed me,” he said again, marveling at the idea.

              Perry sighed and sat down beside him, resisting the urge to place his hand on JD’s thigh.  “Should I not have?” he asked, now wondering if this was all too much too soon for JD. 

              “No, it’s not that,” JD said quickly, his eyes wide with fear that he’d somehow offended Perry.  “It’s just that… well, I’ve wanted you for so long.  I never actually thought you’d want me back.”

              Perry felt his heart swell at JD’s words, but did his best to mask the warmth JD’s words instilled in him.  “Looks like you and I were in the same boat, just dancing around each other all these years.”

              “Looks like it,” JD agreed, swallowing hard as he looked at Perry.  “Just promise me one thing?”

              “Anything, kiddo,” Perry said readily, surprising himself with the devotion in his voice.

              “Always kiss me like that,” JD breathed, the words no sooner out of his mouth than Perry was wrapping a hand around the back of JD’s neck and pressing their lips together once again.  JD whimpered into the kiss and threaded his fingers into Perry’s curls, kissing him back with an unspoken desperation that they both felt.

              Perry kissed JD thoroughly, his free hand resting on JD’s hip, his fingers digging in as their lips worked together.  It was everything he’d ever wanted and the notion that this was actually happening made his head spin.  Of course, the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal, but now he knew that he wasn’t alone in his feelings, that JD felt the same, and for the first time, he was filled with hope that they might actually make it, that his dreams weren’t all fantasy.

              Regretfully, but with other ideas in mind, Perry’s lips left JD’s in favor of kissing down his neck.  The resulting whimper that left JD’s mouth made shivers break out all over Perry’s body and he was determined to hear that and more.

“Tell me what you want,” Perry whispered, his tongue darting out against the skin of JD’s neck. 

JD let out a shaky breath, one of his hands still threaded into Perry’s hair, effectively holding him in place.  “I – I want…”  He trailed off, wanting so many things all at once but having no idea how to articulate them.

              Perry pulled back, noticing JD’s swollen lips and wide eyes, both of which had quite the effect on him.  “I’ll tell you what I want, then,” he said softly.  “I want you.  I’ve wanted you from the start, from the moment I saw you.  You were clueless and scared, but you cared so much.  You were the only other person I’ve met who cares as much as me.  I want you to be happy, I want to make you feel good…  I want you in my life, JD.  I know that the things I’ve done in the past can’t just be swept under the rug, but I _can_ say how sorry I am that I hurt you over and over again.  And I promise you that I’ll do everything in my power never to hurt you again.”

              “You… do you _love_ me?” JD asked in a whisper, his eyes shining.  “Because that’s kind of what it sounds like.”

              Perry reached out and took JD’s hands in his own.  “I do,” he said, a small smile playing on his lips.  “I love you, JD.”

              JD paused and then slowly began to pull his hands away.  “This isn’t real,” he said under his breath as he shook his head.  “It’s – it’s just another daydream…”

              Perry’s smile dropped off his face as he watched JD stand, turning away from him.  “What are you talking about?” he asked, his brows furrowing.  This reaction was the last one he’d ever expected.

              “This can’t be real,” JD said again, his voice growing thick with emotion.  “You don’t love me.  You _can’t_.”

              Perry shot up off the couch and walked around JD, gently lifting his chin.  “Why can’t I?” he asked.  “Why can’t I love you?”

              “Because if this isn’t real,” JD said, his voice and his hands shaking as he looked up at Perry, tears streaming down his cheeks, “that means my dad dying wasn’t real either.”

              “Oh, Newbie,” Perry said, feeling rather certain that his heart just broke in two.  He gathered JD in his arms and held him close, letting the younger man cry.  “It’ll be okay.  You’ll be okay.”

              JD clutched the front of Perry’s shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded.  “I don’t want to feel anymore,” he whimpered.  “I hate it.”

              “I know,” Perry soothed as he rubbed JD’s back.  “I know.  But believe me, your ability to feel is one of your best qualities and what makes you a damn good doctor.”

              JD shook his head again.  “I don’t care about that,” he continued, sounding pained.  “I just want it to stop.”

              “Come here,” Perry murmured, slowly leading JD back to the couch.  “Why don’t you tell me about your dad?” he suggested, pulling a blanket over JD and letting him curl into his side.

              “What do you want to know?” JD sniffled, resting his head in the crook of Perry’s neck. 

              Perry took it as a good sign that JD’s crying seemed to have slowed, but wasn’t quite sure what he was doing.  He didn’t know how to handle it when people cried.  Hell, when Jack cried, half the time he just handed him off to Jordan.  “Anything,” Perry said, rubbing JD’s shoulder.  “Tell me some of the good memories you had with him.  Those are the ones you should hang on to.”

              JD bit his bottom lip, clearly trying not to cry again.  “The first time he called me his son,” he whispered, suddenly quite tense.  “I don’t think he even understood, but he knew it’d make me happy…”

              Perry blinked a few times.  “I… JD, I don’t…”

              “I’m trans, Perry,” JD said with an uncharacteristic tiredness.  “Why do you think I told you off about the girls’ names on my third day?”

              “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?  Back then?” Perry asked, both shocked and regretful that he’d ever called JD those things in the first place.

              “Why would I?” JD asked, sitting up to look at Perry.  “You have me no reason to.”

              “Fair enough,” Perry said after a moment.  “But for the record, I’m sorry.  And it doesn’t change a goddamn thing.”

              “Good,” JD said softly.  “And thank you.  Not sure I’d be able to take you rejecting me over that.”

              “You don’t need to even think about that,” Perry said, replacing his arm around JD.  “Come here.”

              JD leaned back into Perry once again, closing his eyes.  “I just want it to stop, just for a minute or two,” he whispered.

              Perry wasn’t sure how to respond.  He knew there was nothing he could say that would completely take away JD’s pain, so instead, he settled for pressing a kiss to the top of his head and holding him close.  “I promise it’ll be okay eventually,” he said after a while.  “Just give yourself some time to heal.  And in the meantime, I’ll be here for anything you need, all right?”

              JD nodded, sniffling again, though he seemed to have cried himself out.  “Thanks,” he said quietly, his nose brushing against Perry’s neck.  “And Perry?”

              “Yeah?”

              “I love you, too.”

              Despite all intentions that Perry had of bringing JD to bed that night, it wasn’t the right time.  And when he realized that they were both in a place where they could put their whole selves in a real relationship, he wanted their first time to be special, romantic.  And as everyone, JD included, would soon find out, Perry could talk a good game, but at the end of the day, he was, in fact, a spooner.


	31. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really digging trans JD lately (okay, like always), but I'm trying to make more of a conscious effort to have more of my writing include that. So here's a short drabble about two happy dads-to-be.

              Perry dropped his duffel bag on the floor when he stepped back into his apartment.  He had just finished up at the gym with a rigorous workout, showered, and dressed and was now looking forward to a day off spent with JD.  He ran a hand through his still-damp hair just as JD walked into the living room, a dishtowel in his hands.

              “Hey, babe,” Perry said in greeting, watching as JD’s expression slowly shifted. 

              JD’s eyes slowly traveled over Perry’s body and he licked his lips as he crossed the room toward him.  Without a word, he pulled Perry in for a long, hard, and rather sloppy kiss.

              “What was that for?” Perry asked, his eyebrows shooting up when JD finally broke the kiss, though his body was already starting to respond.

              “You look so fucking hot,” JD said in a low voice, grabbing Perry by the hips and pulling him back toward the couch.  “And I have been _so_ horny lately.  I want you _now_.”  He shoved Perry down onto the couch and straddled him, kissing him again, just as thoroughly. 

              Perry was quite taken aback by JD’s sudden attack, but not at all upset about it.  He hummed into the kiss, gripping JD’s waist and grinding up against him.  “You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he breathed, kissing JD’s throat.  “Might be easier for me to fuck you if we were naked, though.”

              JD reluctantly slid off Perry and moved to pull his own shirt off, but then paused, his eyes going wide.

              “Newbie?” Perry asked, watching JD expectantly. 

              JD covered his mouth and darted down the hall toward the master suite without another word. 

              “JD, what the hell?” Perry muttered, pushing himself up off the couch just as he heard the unmistakable sound of JD getting sick.  Now more concerned than ever, he hurried down the hall, the sexual tension of the moment forgotten.  JD was kneeling on the floor in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet.  Perry watched him in pity before crouching down beside him and rubbing his back.  Thankfully, it was over soon after and JD sat back, wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand. 

              “That came out of nowhere,” he said weakly, suddenly looking quite haggard.

              “Did you eat something?” Perry asked, helping JD to his feet, where he braced himself against the counter. 

              JD shook his head and put his hand up, signaling Perry to be quiet.  “Please don’t talk about food right now,” JD said tersely, taking several deep breaths through his nose.  “God, what is going on with me?”

              “Can I get you anything?” Perry offered.  This wasn’t how he’d envisioned their day off together, but if JD was sick, well he was going to take better care of him than anyone else could.

              “No,” JD sighed, running a hand through his hair.  “Just… give me a minute to wash up and I’ll be right out.  We can just relax on the couch, how’s that sound?”

              “Perfect, as long as you’re feeling up to it,” Perry said, watching JD a moment longer before stepping out of the bathroom and leaving him alone.  He busied himself with getting JD a glass of water and setting out a few blankets and the pillows JD liked best. 

              Before long, he heard JD’s bare feet padding down the hallway at a rather brisk pace.  By the time he looked up, JD was throwing himself at Perry, nearly slamming into him.  “JD, what –?”

              JD was very nearly sobbing in Perry’s arms.  “Perry, look,” he said thickly, pulling back and holding up an unmistakable object.  “I’m pregnant.”

              Perry’s eyes went wide and he stared intensely at the stick JD held up with shaking hands.  Sure enough, the small screen clearly read ‘pregnant’ and Perry looked back up at JD who had tears streaming down his face.

              “It makes so much sense,” JD continued, swallowing hard against his tears.  “I’ve been so tired and then out-of-control horny, and then the throwing up…”

              Perry looked at the pregnancy test again and then back up at JD’s face before letting out a weak laugh.  “You’re pregnant,” he said with a ridiculous grin, crushing his lips against JD’s.  “And you brushed your teeth, thank god.”

              JD barked out a watery laugh, dropping the pregnancy test onto the coffee table in favor of throwing his arms around Perry.  “It worked,” he sobbed.  “We – we didn’t have to do fertility shots or – or in vitro…”

              Perry pulled back, taking JD’s face in his hands and brushing away his tears.  “I love you so much, angel,” he breathed.  “You’re going to be an amazing dad.”

              JD beamed up at Perry.  “God, you are too, Per,” he gushed.  “The best.”

              “I’m afraid that spot is reserved for you,” Perry teased, but then grew serious.  “But don’t forget what we’ve talked about.  If anyone tries to give you a hard time, you tell me right away –”

              JD kissed Perry then, effectively silencing him.  “I know,” he murmured when he pulled back.  “But let’s not go there right now.  I promise that you will know every little thing that someone says to me, but for now, I just want to be happy and celebrate, is that okay?”

              Perry’s expression softened and he hugged JD close once again.  “That’s perfect, sweetheart,” he breathed.  “Just perfect.”


	32. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one popped into my head last night before i fell asleep and i remembered it when i woke up, so i had to write it. sorry about all the sadness and drama lately, but i am the angst queen after all.  
> as usual, trans JD is my fave <3

              JD is just finishing up with a patient in one of the private ICU rooms when he hears someone shout, “Gun!” from out on the floor.  They’ve all been trained on how to react when a weapon is involved, so JD is relatively calm as he assures his patient that he’ll be all right.  That is, until he spots Perry standing near the nurses’ station, just a few feet away from the gunman wildly waving his pistol around.

              “Where is my wife?” the man shouts.  “I want to see her!”  He looks haggard, with bags under his eyes and a five o’clock shadow, and dangerous.  All at once, everyone working in the ICU realizes who he is: the husband of the woman they just pronounced not ten minutes ago.  As far as JD knows, she is still in her room down the hall while they wait for the morgue.  “You’re all hiding her from me!  I want to see her!”

              JD’s heart begins to race and his eyes go wide as Perry takes a step toward the man.  Silently, JD implores Perry to stay put, but all he gets in return in a meaningful look.  He knows it’s Perry trying to reassure him that everything will be all right.

              “If you’ll give us a moment to explain –” Perry starts, but the man quickly cuts him off.

              “Tell me where she is!” he roars, turning his weapon on Perry, the barrel just inches away from Perry’s chest.

              Perry somehow remains calm and slowly raises his arms.  “There was nothing anyone could do for your wife.  Now just hand me the gun and we can talk about this –”

              JD scarcely has time to think before the gunshot echoes throughout the entire ICU.  “You killed her!” the man yells, looking around at everyone with wild eyes.  JD lets out a strangled scream, watching as Perry crumples to the floor, clutching his chest as blood sputters from his mouth.

              JD wakes up and sits bolt upright in bed, sobbing and gasping.  He’s disoriented for a few moments before remembering he’s in his bedroom, that Perry should be lying right next to him.  His tears are blinding him as he turns to his right, a sob hitching in his throat when he feels Perry there.  He frantically searches Perry’s chest for any sign of a bullet wound, verging on hysterics.

              Perry stirs and then jolts out of sleep when he hears JD’s sobs.  He sits up and flicks on the light on his bedside table.  “Sweetheart,” he says quickly, taking JD’s hands in his to stop him from pawing at his chest, “what’s wrong?”  He hasn’t seen JD like this in a long time, if at all, and is genuinely alarmed that something horrible has happened.

              JD can hardly speak through his tears, so he settles for throwing his arms around Perry’s neck, trying to catch his breath.  “You – got – shot,” he manages to get out, only starting to calm when Perry holds him as tightly as he can with JD’s large, pregnant belly between them.

              “It was only a nightmare, angel,” Perry says soothingly as he rubs JD’s back.  “I’m right here with you.  I’m okay.”

              JD buries his face in Perry’s neck, trying to get a grip on himself.  “It seemed so real,” he whispers, taking deep, shaky breaths. 

              “I know,” Perry murmurs.  “But I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

              JD nods, pulling back as his back has started to protest their position.  He sits back against the headboard and rubs his belly, looking down at it.  “This was the worst one yet,” he admits, feeling a little foolish now for all his panic.  “It… god, it was awful…”

              Perry reaches out, placing one of his hands over JD’s.  “Well, hopefully the dreams will go away once the baby is born,” he offers, unsure of how to best help JD.  “Not much longer now.”

              “Three weeks and two days,” JD replies, lifting his free hand to wipe at his eyes, which are quite red and puffy.  “But who’s counting?”

              Perry shifts closer and puts his arm back around JD.  “I love you,” he tells him, closing his eyes as he rests his head against JD’s. 

              “I love you, too,” JD replies in a whisper.  “I’m sorry about waking you.  I – I just don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to you.”

              Perry shushes JD.  “You’ll never have to think about that,” he says firmly.  There’s a pause for a few moments during which Perry knows JD is trying to hold back the tears that seem to flow so easily these days.  Instead, JD moves Perry’s hand on his belly so he can feel the baby kicking.

              “I think I need to be done at work,” JD finally says, surprising Perry.  “I know I said I wanted to work as long as possible, even if it’s just clerical stuff, but between not sleeping and the backaches… I can’t do it anymore, Per.”

              “Then I’ll tell Kelso as soon as I go in this morning,” Perry says readily.  “There’s no reason that you should have to keep working, especially with as close to your due date as you are.  These last few weeks should just be about taking it easy.”

              JD nods.  “That’s all I want,” he sighs, wincing when the baby kicks him even harder than usual.  “You’re going to have to teach her how to play soccer with kicks like that.”

              Perry manages a chuckle.  “I can’t wait to meet her,” he says softly, unable to help the smile that forms on his face at the idea.

              In the low light, JD smiles back, and even if it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, he’s trying.  “Me either,” he agrees.  “But she’s been inside me for almost nine months already, so by default, I’ll be her favorite.”

              Perry grins.  “You know what, I’m so damn proud of you that I might just be okay with that.”

              JD closes his eyes and leans into Perry, finally beginning to relax after the horrific dream.  “Do me a favor?  If there’s ever a gunman in the ICU, don’t try to negotiate with him.

              Perry raises his eyebrows, but continues to rub JD’s stomach, trying to soothe him.  “I promise,” he says, wishing there was a way he could spare JD these vivid nightmares.  “But that’s where the dreams aren’t so accurate.  I have two people depending on me and I would never do anything to risk not coming home to you every day.”

              “Good,” JD murmurs, knowing there’s no way he’ll be getting any more sleep tonight.  Whenever he closes his eyes, he sees Perry lying on the floor, helpless and bleeding.  Despite the dreams, which he’s certain will stop plaguing him once the baby is born, he wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.  The chance to bring their daughter into the world himself is a privilege, and one he wouldn’t take back even if he could.


	33. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was inspired by a reply to one of my tumblr posts and i died a little

When JD said he’d meet Turk for coffee at Sacred Heart on his day off, he’d actually hoped to have coffee with Turk.  But the surgeon had been paged when they’d done nothing more than get their greetings out of the way.  JD figured since he’d driven forty minutes that he might as well make the most of the trip, so he ordered a coffee and found a spot at an empty table against the wall.  It was out of the way, which after sitting he realized he actually preferred.  It was strange, feeling like an outsider at the hospital where he’d spent eight years of his life.  He recognized a few people here and there, but knew none of them well enough to do more than say hello or give them a wave.  

Then he spotted Perry.  He watched as the older man ordered his drink and then peered around the small coffee shop for an available seat.  JD did not wave him over, nor did he make eye contact with him.  That was why it was such a shock when a white lab coat appeared in front of him and sat down in the seat across the table.

“Figures this was the only open spot,” Perry muttered, his deep voice rumbling in his chest.  “Morning, Clara.”

“Morning,” JD said in response, but his heart wasn’t in it.  He thought he should have missed the girls’ names, and maybe part of him did, but he mostly just wanted things to be different between him and Perry.  He’d held out hope for so long that their relationship would evolve; faintly, he remembered the spark of hope he’d felt when Perry and Jordan had re-finalized their divorce, their marriage (or lack thereof) having fallen apart.  But it had been more than four years since then and neither he nor Perry had had much of a love life.  Sure, they’d both seen people, but JD knew he was just stalling, hoping that someday Perry would come around.

“You do realize you’re at the wrong hospital, yes?” Perry asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I was supposed to meet Turk for coffee, but he got paged,” JD explained.

“I suppose that accounts for the frown, then,” Perry commented, arching an eyebrow.

JD shrugged.  “Sorry, I guess I’m just tired.  Hey, how’s Jack?”  He was eager to change the subject.  He wondered if Perry knew it had less to do with Turk and much, much more to do with the fact that he was resigning himself to never being with Perry.

“He’s good,” Perry said sincerely.  “He’s with Jordan this week.  Miss the little nightmare like crazy to tell you the truth.”

JD managed a smile at that, realizing that Perry was being honest with him.  “Yeah, I know the feeling.  Kim has Sam until tomorrow night.  I wish I could have him with me all the time.”

Perry nodded sagely.  “How old’s he now?” 

“Almost a year,” JD said, letting out a long breath.  “God, I can’t believe it.”

“Sure goes fast, doesn’t it?” 

JD paused for a moment.  “His middle name is Perry,” he said after some hesitation.  He’d never shared that fact with Perry and was unsure of how it’d be received.  Most likely with an eyeroll, a girls’ name, or a smack upside the head.

He’d never expected Perry to be touched by it.

“Well, that’s… that’s somethin’,” Perry said softly, not meeting JD’s eyes.  They sat in silence for so long after that that JD wondered if he should just get up and leave.  Finally, Perry spoke, nearly making JD jump.  “Say, were you planning on sticking around all day?”

“Uh, well, I don’t really have anything else to do, but if you’d like me to get out of your hair -”

“That’s not what I meant,” Perry said, effectively cutting JD off.  “I was wondering if you’d want to grab a bite to eat after my shift this evening.”

JD’s eyes widened.  He didn’t dare try to read into it, as much as he wanted to.  “Oh, yeah, I - I could stick around.”

“Good,” Perry said, rising up out of his seat.  “And Newbie?”

JD’s head snapped up and his eyes met Perry’s, waiting.

“Wear something nice.”


	34. Daycare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Before JD and Perry get together, JD drops off Sammy at the hospital daycare in the morning and decides to swing by at lunch to spend some time with him. He finds Perry sitting in the playroom playing with Sammy as Jack runs around, telling him about this big save JD had made recently. JD gets paged before he's seen by them but the staff say Perry comes in often to sit with Jack and Sammy.

JD’s day had been uneventful so far. Kim was gone for a long weekend to visit her mother, but he suspected that it had a little more to do with the fact that their relationship was going down the tubes. It wasn’t as though both of them weren’t trying, but they could only force their affections for so long. JD had begun to realize that staying together just for Sam’s sake might not have been the best choice. And as sad as it was that he and Kim couldn’t make it work, he was glad to have a break from her, a chance to really bond with his son. Of course, he was stuck at work all day but Elliot had agreed to cover his weekend shifts, so it was just one more day that stood between him and some much-needed, uninterrupted time with Sammy. 

Seeing as JD’s day really was uneventful thus far, after he’d gotten a quick bite to eat, he headed down to the hospital daycare to check on Sam. What he saw made him stop in his tracks. Perry was there, Jack running around in circles and giggling. That was par for the course, as JD had found out; Jack was quite the little tornado. No, what took him complete off guard was that Perry was holding Sam in his lap and talking softly to him.

JD’s heart swelled with affection at the sight before him and deciding it was worth the risk of Perry spotting him, he moved a little closer, wanting to hear what Perry could possibly be saying. Expecting to hear the older doctor telling Sam ridiculous things about how his father was an unfit role model, instead Perry was in the middle of regaling the story of the one-in-a-million JD had made the other day. 

“Even I didn’t catch it right away, if you can believe it,” Perry was saying, just the smallest hint of a smile on his face. “Your dad was pretty darn impressive, to tell you the truth. You might just have a fighting chance after all.”

JD grinned at the teasing note in Perry’s voice, but the story seemed to be finished and Perry listened with rapt attention as Jack spoke to him, holding Sammy all the while. Before JD had a chance to announce his presence, his pager went off and he darted down the hall, jumping right back into work.

 

At the end of his shift, JD headed back down to the daycare to pick up Sam. His mood had never faltered as the day wore on, for every time he thought of Perry holding his son, speaking to him so gently, it filled him with an unrivaled warmth. “Say, I caught a glimpse of Dr. Cox in here earlier,” JD said conversationally to one of the daycare workers. 

“Oh, he comes in here all the time,” she said brightly. “Mostly to check on Jack – you know how he can be, right? But whenever Sam is here, he makes sure to talk to him, read to him. Any number of things, really. And he’s always telling Jack to be nice to Sam, too, tells us it’s just practice for when they’re at home with their little one… I forget her name…”

“Jennifer Dylan,” JD supplied readily. 

“Hey, they should call her JD, just like you,” she said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah,” JD agreed, feeling oddly choked up. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Perry had agreed to the name. He’d only jokingly asked Jordan to name their daughter that, figuring Perry would put up such a fight that they’d choose something different. Much to his delight, not only had they kept the name, but he’d heard Jordan call Jennifer by her initials more than once. 

On his way out, JD bumped into Perry on the exit ramp. “Goodnight, Perry,” he said, content to keep the knowledge that Perry spent time with his son to himself. 

Perry nodded at him in acknowledgement. “That’s a good kid you’ve got there,” he said after JD had passed. 

JD turned and smiled. “Yeah, I think so,” he said warmly. “He gets to spend a lot of time with good people, so…”

“That he does,” Perry agreed, making it impossible to tell whether he knew that JD was aware of his frequent daycare visits. “See ya later, kid. Enjoy your weekend.”

As Perry walked toward his car, he patted JD on the shoulder, never looking back. 

JD felt as thought he might explode with sheer happiness. Once he was in the drivers seat and Sammy was secured in his car seat, he looked over his shoulder at his son. “I think he likes us,” he told Sam and hummed happily the entire way home.


	35. Wedding Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: At Ted and Gooch's wedding, JD drinks too much and gets on the stage to make his toast, its a very nice drunk toast, as he gets to the end, he starts saying "I am in love with... " before Turk tackles him off the stage because the Janitor decided to try and 'Carrie' him. Whatever is in the buckets shorts the sound system and thus the wedding is over but Perry can't stop hearing JD's announcement that he loves someone and gets all moody and Perry-like.

As JD looked around the room at all the people surrounding him, realizing most of them had found love, had found the one person they were willing to fight for over all others, he grew inexplicably sad.

Well, really, it wasn’t inexplicable. It was the opposite. Explicable was the word his drunken brain thought up and he tittered into the microphone.

Perhaps getting wine drunk at the wedding reception of a hospital lawyer you never had all that much respect for wasn’t the best choice.

“I can feel the love in this room,” JD continued, earning a few smiles from the small crowd, both from the sentiment and his obvious drunkenness. In fact, it seemed only one person was not smiling and he was seated in the far back corner, nursing a scotch. “And not just from Ted and Gooch. From Turk and Carla and Elliot and Keith and…”

As JD prattled on, naming every couple his eyes fell upon - or at least the ones whose names he could remember - the Janitor’s most important prank of all was about to come to fruition. It was true, he’d taken his inspiration from the movie Carrie, which he’d only recently seen (and he most certainly did not tell Perry after what happened with The Sixth Sense).

Unbeknownst to JD, his best friend had spotted the Janitor’s plans and quickly excused himself, waving frantically to JD from the side of the stage. JD, blinded by alcohol and the bright lights, didn’t see Turk’s warnings. In fact, he had eyes only for Perry.

“And seeing all this love,” he continued, swaying ever so slightly, “has made me realize that life is too damn short to not share your feelings. I am in love with -”

Turk barreled across the stage and tackled JD just as the Janitor overturned the rigged bucket, the substance shorting out the sound system and covering up JD’s declaration of love.

 

Several hours later, once the wedding reception was well underway and most couples were out on the floor dancing, Carla left Turk, who’d been far more interested in doing interpretive dance with JD than dancing with her, and found Perry lingering by the now-closed bar. She pulled up a stool next to him and he offered her the half-empty bottle of scotch.

“No thanks,” Carla sighed, gesturing toward her baby bump. “Trying to cut back.”

“Bribed the bartender to leave me the bottle,” Perry muttered, glaring at the countertop.

“Why aren’t you out there with him?” Carla asked bluntly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Perry grunted, taking another swig from the bottle. “But if it had something to do with a drunken idiot and a stupid wedding toast turned confession, I don’t care.”

“Yeah, you do,” Carla said, crossing her arms. “No one else might see it, but I sure do. The way you watch him when he doesn’t know it, the way you have to hide a smile when he’s laughing - and not because it’s funny but because you like his laugh - and the way you were hoping against all hope that he was going to tell everyone that he’s in love with /you/.”

When Perry didn’t answer, Carla continued. “Perry, don’t you think it’s time that you allowed yourself to be happy?”

Perry said nothing and eventually Carla tired of waiting for a response, so she made her way back to her husband, insisting on at least one slow dance. This left JD without an interpretive dance partner and he stumbled his way past Perry out into the parking lot. Driven by nothing more than a desire for fresh air, or at least that’s what he convinced himself of, Perry followed a short time later, only to find the younger doctor openly weeping as he leaned against the side of the building, his head ducked and his arms wrapped around himself.

Perry cleared his throat to announce his presence, but his heart constricted at the way JD flinched. He quickly wiped at his cheeks and blinked his eyes. “Hey, I was just getting some fresh air,” JD said in an attempt at nonchalance.

“Sure didn’t look that way,” Perry said, though he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t just doing JD a favor and pretending he hadn’t seen the waterworks.

JD shrugged. “It’s the wine,” he explained. “Gives me the blues… Weddings do too, I guess.”

Perry hummed in response, leaning against the wall beside JD. “That was quite the speech you gave back there,” he said casually.

“All ad-libbed if you can believe it,” JD mumbled. They were nearing dangerous territory now and he had to be on his guard, but the alcohol was making it difficult.

“Sounded like you were about to make a pretty big confession,” Perry continued, not entirely certain why he was still pressing the issue.

“Well, I wasn’t,” JD said a little too quickly. “And I didn’t. So it doesn’t matter.”

“Why do you say that? Afraid the object of your affection might not return the sentiment?”

JD shook his head. “There’s no way he ever would. She. I meant she. No way /she/ would.”

Perry swallowed, looking down at his feet for a moment. It was better to do this now when he might not remember it the next morning. “Newbie,” he breathed, turning his head and finding JD staring right back at him. “I think he just might.”

JD’s eyes searched Perry’s for any signs of joking or misunderstanding. He found none. “I know I’m drunk, but I still know what I want,” he said bravely. “And it’s not this. I - I want to remember this - us - /you/. So if you… if you remember this tomorrow, you know where to find me. If not… well, then I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

With that, JD went back into the reception hall, leaving Perry feeling oddly empty.

 

The next day had both of them feeling as though they’d been hit by a freight train. It took Perry a shower, some Tylenol, and a vat of coffee to feel human again - and to remember just what had transpired the night before. He had half a mind just to pretend it was a drunken dream, but Carla’s voice kept echoing in his head. It was time for him to be happy.

He arrived at JD’s apartment just after noon and hammered on the door. He heard a groan from inside the apartment and shuffling feet and eventually, he was face to face with JD. And he went speechless.

JD blinked at Perry, obviously still quite hungover, but upright at the very least. He looked at Perry expectantly, simply waiting for him to speak.

“I remember,” Perry finally managed, his throat feeling quite dry and his heart pounding. “I remember what you said and what you were/going/ to say. So I - I’m here. If you want me.”

JD’s breath caught in his throat. “I - I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said weakly, backing into his apartment.

“Don’t you pull that, not now,” Perry said, stepping forward through the doorway. He closed the door behind him. “Not now that I’m being fucking /honest/ with you.”

“How do I know this isn’t a joke?” JD asked, and the sheer possibility that Perry would have once done this just to pull JD’s leg stabbed through him.

“Because you and I - we’ve done the whole song and dance thing for years. And quite frankly I’m sick of it. I’m here now and you can take me or leave me, but this is the only chance you’re getting. I’m not vulnerable with people, Newbie, you know that. If you’re not interested, you had better tell me now because I did not waste eight years of loving you just to –”

JD silenced Perry with a kiss. A kiss that lingered on and on and grew in confidence and passion. Perry’s hands flew to JD’s face, the back of his neck, keeping him close. The kiss was rather wet and JD realized absently that he was crying. Perry couldn’t bring himself to care.


	36. The New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: long term relationship jdox reacting to a transphobic patient
> 
> Trans JD, warnings for transphobic and homophobic slurs

JD’s day begins like any other. A new patient arrives in the ICU and, by default of the rotation put in place, becomes JD’s patient. It also happens to be one of the rare days that, as Chief of Medicine, Perry has some time to spare for patient interaction.

“What do you say, babe?” Perry asks JD, gesturing toward the new patient’s room. “Old time’s sake?”

JD simply smiles and leads the way, pulling the patient’s chart from the holder next to the doorway. “So, Mr. Lange,” he says in greeting, looking up at the elderly man lying in the bed, “how are you feeling?”

“How does it look like I’m feeling?” the old man spits, glaring at JD and returning none of the warmth he’s putting out.

JD doesn’t skip a beat. “I’m Dr. Dorian and this is Dr. Cox. We’ll get to the bottom of this and have you feeling better in no time.”

“We’re going to want to run some tests, get blood work done - your standard fare, really,” Perry continues.

“A nurse will be in shortly to draw some blood and we’ll go from there,” JD says, his impeccable bedside manner never faltering. He turns, Perry right beside him. “Oh, don’t forget, Pride tonight, right?”

Perry smiles and places a hand on the small of JD’s back as they near the doorway. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Newbie, you know that.”

“Pride,” comes a snort from behind them. “Pride in what? What’s so damn special about those f*****s that warrants a parade? All they’re good for is blocking traffic. The worst of them all are those damn t******s marching around with six inch hooker heels and makeup caked on so thick they have to chisel it off. There’s nothing normal about a man stuffing himself into a pair of women’s pantyhose, I can tell you that. They should be shot on sight, all of them.”

JD, as shaken as he is by the hateful words his patient is speaking, has to physically restrain his husband, who looks about two seconds away from murdering Mr. Lange. “He’s not worth it,” JD says under his breath, gripping Perry’s shoulder.

Perry, in typical fashion, doesn’t listen. “You listen here,” he growls, leaning in towards Lange even as JD tries to hold him back, “if I ever hear those vile words come out of your mouth again, I’ll knock you on your —“

“Perry,” JD hisses, cutting him off. “Stop it. You really want to deal with a lawsuit right now on top of everything else? Get out of here.” He pushes his husband toward the door, standing resolutely beside Lange’s bed. Perry looks ready to argue, but finally acquiesces and leaves, fuming. JD looks back to Lange, who looks sufficiently rattled as though no one had ever called him out before.

“I’m a 40 year old transgender man,” JD begins, somehow managing to keep his voice from shaking. “I carried my daughter and gave birth to her. I have been happily married to my husband, the Chief of Medicine, the one you just insulted, for eight years. I’m sorry if I don’t fit your expectations for what a trans person should look like and if you don’t want me as your doctor because of that, so be it. But you should know that I am your best chance at getting out of this hospital because despite your bigotry and prejudices, I’m still willing to treat you, willing to figure out why you’re so ill, willing to save your life. But the decision is yours.”

With that, JD places Mr. Lange’s chart back in its holder and turns on his heel and leaves the room. He’s furious, but he’s also proud of himself for keeping his cool. He’s said his piece and after all, that’s really all he can do. If Mr. Lange chooses to get a different doctor, he’s powerless to stop it. He thinks that maybe he’d be better off if that were to happen, but he knows he’ll never stop trying to change the minds of those who view the world differently than he does. Because in the end, it’s not just differing opinions. It’s choosing to believe that some people - based on race, sexuality, gender, whatever - are less deserving of human rights, of happiness and JD will never stop trying to change that.

He finds Perry waiting just outside the door and before JD can say anything, Perry pulls him into a tight hug. “I love you,” he murmurs, pulling back to look into JD’s eyes, not surprised to find angry tears there. “And I am so proud of you. You have to know that.”

“Of course I know that,” JD sighs, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. “It’s easier to - to believe that people like that don’t really exist until it happens to you. How… how is it fair that people like that get to go around spouting these outdated, hateful ideas and yet I have to be afraid for my life?”

“JD,” Perry says firmly, his hands on JD’s shoulders, “I will never let anyone hurt you. But you’re right. It isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean we should stop fighting. That’s why we go to Pride and to the town hall meetings. We vote. We speak up. We fight for our ability, our right to love each other, to be fathers to our daughter. We are helping to pave the way for the future so that someday, they might have it easier than us. Those ideas, the ones people like that man in there hold so near and dear, they’re fading away. We, JD, we are the new normal, and pretty soon, those bastards won’t know what hit them.”

JD pulls Perry’s face to his and kisses him deeply. “The new normal,” he repeats in a whisper, letting his forehead rest against Perry’s for a brief, tender moment. “I think I like the sound of that.”

“I like the sound of most things I say,” Perry says, cracking a smile.

JD is grateful that Perry always knows just what to say and how to ease the tension in a situation. He takes a deep breath and straightens out his scrubs. “Well, I think I’ll go back in there and see if I’m still his doctor. Maybe, just maybe, I changed someone’s mind today. Either way, I can’t wait for tonight.”

Perry watches him go, his back straight and his mind resolute. Of course, like any concerned husband would, he waits outside the door until he’s certain Lange won’t try anything else. In fact, the man seems abashed and listens to JD’s every word. As long as people like Lange are out there, as long as they attack people like himself, people like JD, he’ll never stop looking out for his husband, even if that means he has to do it until his dying breath. He knows JD is strong, immensely so, and that he’s capable of defending himself, but Perry is protective of the people he loves, none more so than his husband and daughter. Satisfied that there will be no more fighting today, he makes his way back to his office, looking forward to celebrating tonight with his friends and family.


	37. Quarantine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: The floor of the hospital is quarantined (because someone might have mentioned Ebola this time) and JD finds an unoccupied room to sleep for a few hours since all the OC rooms are taken. Perry finds the room a bit later. Annoyed that the one last bed is occupied by sleeping JD, he shakes him awake, tells him to 'shove over' and lays on top of the blankets to sleep. Nurse Roberts finds them cuddling.

“Damn quarantine,” Perry muttered under his breath. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he was stuck in the hospital after his shift had ended, all the call rooms on the floor were taken. As a last ditch effort, he began scouring the hallways for an empty patient room, knowing it couldn’t be filled by an actual patient if they were under quarantine. Blessedly, he came across a room without a patient in it. However, as his luck would have it, someone else had beaten him to it. When he realized who that someone was, he groaned internally.

As Perry saw it, he had two options. Tell Newbie to take a hike or keep looking for an empty bed. A third option crept its way into Perry’s head, one that he couldn’t shake off once it took root. Grumbling, he shook JD’s shoulder none too gently, rousing the young doctor from his sleep.

“Wha-?” JD mumbled, blinking up at Perry.

“Shove over,” Perry said harshly. He waited until JD did as he was told before flopping down on top of the blankets.

The hospital beds were small, leaving them little space with which to work. Perry could physically feel JD beside him, too tired to question the arrangement. Hesitantly, Perry chanced a look over at him and found JD already asleep once again, lying on his stomach with his cheek smushed up against the pillow. Perry sighed and kicked his shoes off before letting sleep come for him.

When the quarantine was lifted, Laverne was tasked with alerting those who had been stuck at the hospital past their scheduled shifts. A last minute choice to check the empty room at the end of the hall had her witnessing first hand the two doctors. Not only were they sleeping in the same bed, but they were wrapped around each other. Their legs were intertwined and JD lay with his head on Perry’s chest with Perry’s arms wrapped securely around him. Feeling slightly dizzy at the finding, Laverne ran off to find someone to share the gossip with.

Half an hour later, JD woke, the sun coming in through the window making it impossible to sleep any longer. It took him a full minute to realize where he was and who he was with. Swallowing hard and knowing that he’d recognize the distinctly Coxian scent anywhere, he didn’t dare move for fear of waking the other man.

He wasn’t sure how long it was before Perry began to stir. More than that, JD was stunned to find that Perry seemed to be quite peaceful as he woke. He shivered when Perry stretched leisurely and ran his hand over JD’s back as if it were a commonplace act between them.

And then Perry froze.

JD hesitantly lifted his head, still very much in Perry’s hold, and looked up at the other doctor. “Hey,” he murmured, his voice still sounding too loud in the otherwise silent room.

Perry looked back at him, for some reason still not untangling himself from JD. “Hey,” he finally replied, seeming at a loss as to what to do.

“Uh, so, if you want, we can just… forget this ever happened. Be our little secret,” JD offered, assuming Perry would want that.

“I don’t do secrets, Newbie,” Perry said frankly, surprising JD with the gentle tone of his voice. “And if I want to be able to do this in, say, an on-call room, it can’t be a secret.”

“I - what? You - you want to sleep with me? Shit, I mean, not sleep with me sleep with me, but… What?”

Perry simply smiled back at JD. “Maybe I want to do both,” he said casually. “Maybe I’m tired of pretending that I don’t see the way you look at me. Maybe I want more.”

“This isn’t real,” JD suddenly laughed. “I’m still sleeping and this is some crazy ass dream and I -“

Perry swiftly cut off JD’s ramblings with a soft, slow kiss. “Still think you’re dreaming?”

JD brushed his fingers over his lips, looking at Perry in awe. He stayed that way for a long moment before flashing a grin at Perry and quite literally throwing himself at the older man.

They didn’t leave the room for quite some time, giving Laverne plenty of opportunity to inform the entire hospital staff of what she’d seen. Neither doctor could bring himself to care.


	38. What's In A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Perry and Jordan are still barely an item but she brings little JD to the hospital one day and Perry slips up and calls her JD in front of the actual JD. And Jordan realizing Perry's internal meltdown is happening takes the moment to torture Perry further by telling JD that he always calls her that at home.

JD wants to be smug, wants to skip through the halls of the hospital proclaiming to everyone that Perry willingly calls his daughter /JD/. But he can’t. He can’t because somehow the knowledge hurts. All he’s ever wanted was for Perry to call him by his name, to acknowledge that he cares for JD and that maybe, just maybe, he loves him too. But he knows it will never happen and that someday, he just has to stop hoping, stop believing. And all JD has ever done was hope and believe. He’s not sure what will happen if he stops.

He knows Jordan sees the fleeting sadness in his eyes and she watches him, staring at him in a calculating way that makes him wonder if his thoughts aren’t such a secret. While Perry flounders and groans and rolls his eyes at Jordan’s revelation, JD excuses himself. He walks and walks, climbs stair after stair, and finally winds up on the roof. He’s not sure why he thought staring out over the city would make him feel better. It seems like such a poetic thing to do, something someone in a movie would do when they need to soul search. 

It gets him nowhere. 

Perry finds him nearly an hour later. Truthfully, he’s perplexed as to why he’s not shouting the joyous news from the rooftop. Slowly, he approaches JD and leans against the wall beside him, keeping a safe distance between them. When he finally catches a glimpse at the younger doctor’s face, he grows even more confused, finding an uncharacteristic frown there. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Perry murmurs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his labcoat. 

JD suddenly feels tired. Exhausted. More so than he ever has been. “Spare me,” he mutters, closing his eyes. He’s certain of what Perry’s expression looks like anyway - stunned, raised eyebrows…

“What was that?”

JD turns to Perry, years of pent-up anger rising to the surface. “I said spare me. I’m tired of the games, the name calling, the shoves. It’s clear you don’t give a shit about me, so how about you just leave me alone and save us both the trouble?”

Perry does, in fact, look stunned by JD’s outburst. So stunned that he’s momentarily speechless. By the time he recovers, JD is halfway across the roof. 

“Now just wait a minute,” Perry says, jogging over and easily catching up with JD. The other man doesn’t stop, just continues to stride purposefully toward the door.   
“Dammit,” Perry growls, placing a hand on JD’s arm. 

JD whips his arm out of Perry’s grip and rounds on him. He opens his mouth, ready to give Perry just as good as he’s gotten over the last seven years. Before he can say anything, Perry’s lips are on his, kissing him so soundly that his legs nearly give out. 

By the time Perry’s lips leave his, JD is clutching the front of Perry’s coat just to stay upright. It’s everything he thought it would be and more, and he can’t believe it’s happening. 

Perry takes JD’s face in his hands and looks at him, /into/ him. “Are you done with your tantrum now?” he breathes. 

“You done pretending?” JD counters, voice surprisingly even despite how much his world has just been rocked. 

“Yes, JD,” Perry says, speaking JD’s name in such a tender way that JD can’t help but suck in a soft gasp. “I’m done pretending.”

JD doesn’t expect things to be easy, that they won’t have to work on things, that they won’t fight or go to bed angry sometimes. But what he knows, deep down in his heart of hearts, is that they can make it. They can make it through all the /shit/ because they’ve been doing it for the last seven years. Breakups and babies and deaths and highs and lows - they’d already seen all of it. And they were better together.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Perry trying to leave JD because he feels like he's not good enough and JD making this big grand gesture of love and it just going pear shaped because its JD and he's a mess of a man.
> 
> This one is a little less writing-y in the beginning and mostly just screaming with the anon who sent me this message lmao

Perry is always trying to look out for JD, do what’s best for him, and keep him safe. In what Perry considers a moment of weakness and selfishness, he and JD get together. And as much as he loves JD, he believes it’s not right because JD deserves so much better, deserves the world, quite frankly, and Perry can’t give it to him. 

So they have a very painful, very unnecessary breakup, and it’s clear to everyone, Perry included, just how miserable JD is. Perry’s never hurt so badly before either, but he truly believes it’s for the best that they keep their distance from each other. Until the day that JD, in typical fashion, tries to make this grand gesture to win Perry back. Thanks to his utter lack of athletic prowess, shocking lack of coordination, so much so that it’s called into question whether or not he’s even a functioning human, JD lands himself a spot in the ER, and boy, oh boy, when Perry finds out, he’s down there in an instant, berating the ER nurse who probably doesn’t know the full scope of his reputation into giving him information about JD.

Finally, he’s let back into JD’s room, which is more just a bed surrounded by a not-so-private curtain. He lets out a sigh of relief when he sees JD is at least conscious, but quickly lays into him. 

“You want to tell me what the hell you were doing, pulling a stupid stunt like that?”

JD looks so miserable, not to mention the fact that Perry seems to be channeling the old Dr. Cox, the persona from before they ever dated. He gears up for a good old fashioned rant, bracing himself, but the harsh words never come. Perry just sighs and walks over to his bedside and gently brushes JD’s hair back off his forehead, his hairstyle having been ruined. 

JD lets his eyes flutter closed at the touch, but it only makes his heart constrict rather painfully, knowing this won’t last.

“I was just trying to show you… never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“It matters, Newbie. It always matters.”

JD glances up at Perry, biting back the tears he hasn’t let fall since the night of their breakup. “I wanted you to know that… that I’m still in love with you. I - I know we hadn’t said it yet, but I was. And I still am. And I don’t want things to be over. I want to try again. Because no matter what you think, Perry, you’re worth fighting for.”

Perry swallows hard, still believing that this isn’t for the best, but the truth is that the last several weeks have been some of the most miserable of his life, and he figures it’s been the same for JD if he was willing to try something so ridiculous. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “All right, kid, you’ve got me.” He takes JD’s hand in his and looks down the bed at the leg JD has propped up on a pillow. “And by the looks of that ankle, you’re gonna need it.”

JD manages a smile and quickly brushes away a tear. He squeezes Perry’s hand and relaxes some. “Guess so.”

“Newbie?”

“Yeah, Perry?”

“I love you too.”


	40. Wondering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JD is leaving SH for good, but he can't leave without kissing Perry. So he kisses him full blown on the mouth in front of the nurse's station and just books it. Perry is stunned. But a good stunned. But JD won't return his calls or see him if he shows up at his new hospital. Que S9 when he comes back to SH after ghosting on Perry and hoping he's forgotten and won't kill him.

Perry Cox was a doctor. Above all else, that was what he was. Yes, he was a father, and that was perhaps one of the greatest things he’d ever done. Jack kept him on his toes, that much was certain, and he’d helped to ensure that even after he and Jordan called it quits they remained friends. But first and foremost, Perry was a doctor and being a doctor meant that he was able to think on his feet and make split-second decisions. 

As he walked through the hallways of the new hospital, which for all the memories the old building had held, he quite liked, he heard the all-too-familiar sound of two grown men acting like children. It was a sound that was forever imbedded into his very brain cells, even if he hadn’t heard it in nearly a year. It wasn’t until he saw the source of the ruckus that he really believed it was him, though. 

And just like that, twenty-five years of decision-making and level-headedness in difficult situations flew out the window. Perry’s brain came to a screeching halt when he saw JD, and for good reason. The last time he’d seen JD, the younger man had kissed him – in full view of half the hospital staff, right on the mouth, and with a sad sort of desperation. And then he’d left. Perry had called his cell, his landline, and even his work number once he’d gotten ahold of it. When none of those calls garnered a response, Perry went a step further and showed up at County and asked after JD. But JD had refused to see him. He hadn’t even bothered to filter down an excuse. Just a refusal. 

Something about the kiss had triggered a response in Perry, one he hadn’t realized could even exist when it came to JD. Hell, he was Newbie for Christ’s sake. He’d spent no less than eight years teaching him, looking over his shoulder, offering advice and tough love, and now, all because of a kiss, Perry was forced to reevaluate everything he thought he knew. And the conclusion he’d come to, many months ago, was that he loved JD. Despite every fiber of his being was screaming at him not to, he did. But after a while, the sting of rejection had become too much and Perry stopped trying. He stopped calling, stopped showing up at JD’s new hospital, stopped asking Turk, Carla, and Elliot about him. He hadn’t quite managed to stop thinking about him, but had at least been able to limit those thoughts to when he was alone and could wonder how different things could have been. 

Perry froze in the middle of the hallway, staring at the affectionate display before him. JD was hugging Turk and muttering something about chocolate bears. JD hadn’t yet spotted Perry, but Perry wasn’t sure he’d be able to move in time. What the hell was JD doing here? He hadn’t come around since leaving, not even to visit. Perry’d supposed JD had moved on, had found someone and that the kiss had been nothing more than hero worship. But when JD looked at him over Turk’s shoulder, everything unspoken between them came rushing back. 

Perry crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying to look intimidating. JD swallowed hard and slowly pulled away from Turk. Turk left in quite the hurry and JD very cautiously walked toward Perry. “Uh, hey,” he said weakly, sounding almost embarrassed. 

Perry said nothing, instead waiting for JD to explain himself. 

“I’m teaching a class at the university this semester,” JD said, offering a hint of a smile. 

A class? Perry was the Chief of Medicine. How did he not know JD had been invited to be on the teaching staff, even temporarily? Mentally, he shook himself, but still couldn’t find the words he’d wanted to speak for close to a year. 

“So…,” JD sighed, “I’ll get out of your hair. Should probably go get acclimated with my classroom…”

“What was the point?” Perry blurted out, nearly cutting JD off. “If you were going to pretend I no longer existed, why even kiss me?”

“So you didn’t forget then,” JD mumbled, looking down. 

“Forget?” Perry asked incredulously. “You – that’s just fantastic, Dorian, really. You kiss me and then you bolt and then you completely ignore my existence and hope I forget the whole thing happened. Excellent work on your part. You know what? Go to hell.” Perry turned and stormed off, heading for his office, but he heard footsteps behind him. 

“Perry, wait. I – I freaked out, okay? I thought you’d hate me for what I did and you just kept calling and I thought for sure you wanted to murder me. But then I listened to the messages you left and I – I got scared. I’m still scared.”

“What could you possibly have to be scared of?” Perry asked, voice dripping with resentment. 

“How much I love you,” JD said softly. “You know me, probably better than almost anyone and you didn’t even have to try. But over the years, you saw me run from relationship to relationship. It’s no secret that commitment scares the crap out of me. And I guess I thought that since we didn’t work together anymore that I could keep running. And believe me, I know it was a shitty thing to do, but once I started I couldn’t stop. But I’ve never stopped thinking about you, Perry. And I’m not even here asking for a second chance because I know I don’t deserve it. I just want to tell you how truly sorry I am.”

“I’m not doing this here,” Perry said after a long pause. He glanced around, glad to find they didn’t have an audience. “Come on.” Without looking back to see if JD was following, he continued on toward his office. There were so many things he wanted to say to JD. He wanted to yell at him, to hurt him as badly as he himself had been hurt, but knew that one look at those doe eyes would do him in. When they arrived at his office, he let JD in and closed the door behind him. 

“Do you have any idea what you put me through?” Perry asked quietly, walking toward the windows and staring out. He could just barely see JD’s reflection in the glass, watched as he lowered his head. 

“I just couldn’t leave without letting you know,” JD murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“Eight years,” Perry sighed, shaking his head. “I would have thought that after that long you’d be able to come to me, be honest and straightforward.”

“I wanted to, but…”

“But what?” Perry snapped, turning to face JD.

“Part of me was worried you’d reject me,” JD admitted, looking ashamed. “Call me a girls’ name and make fun of me. I didn’t want to remember you that way and I didn’t think I could take you rejecting me to my face. I was protecting myself, but I was also hurting you. It’s something that I’ve regretted for a long time, but it’s still so fucking terrifying to put yourself out there, even after realizing what you did was wrong.”

“I called so many times,” Perry said in frustration. “I left you voicemails at three in the morning when I was drunk as hell – because of you, of course – and I never got a single reply.”

JD swallowed. “I dialed your number more times than I’d care to admit. But I could never make myself press send.”

Perry let out a bitter sigh. “So where does this leave us? Because I’m not interested in someone who’s going to run the moment things get real.”

JD stepped forward, still leaving a sizable distance between the two men. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said resolutely. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I’ll fight for you, Perry, as hard as I have to. There’s a reason I was offered a teaching position here. There’s a reason we’re together again, working with each other. I’m not letting this chance go to waste again.”

“And I’m just supposed to believe you?” Perry asked, even as he felt his resolve weakening. “Things aren’t that easy, JD.”

“But what if they are? Perry, I will spend forever trying to make you to believe me. I just need you to give me the chance to prove it.”

Perry hesitated. It was no secret that he wasn’t often vulnerable, but hell, he’d wanted JD so badly for so long and it hadn’t just hurt when JD left Sacred Heart – it had become a constant aching, especially after realizing the younger man wasn’t going to return his calls. That alone had proven just how much Perry cared for him. Finally, Perry relaxed, the fight going out of him. “Come here, kid,” he murmured, holding out his arms. 

“Yeah?” JD breathed, his eyes widening. He didn’t wait for an answer and instead surged forward, wrapping his arms around Perry’s middle, returning the embrace he’d waited so long to feel. 

Perry released a long breath as he stroked the back of JD’s neck, holding him as tightly as he dared. He gently rocked JD, his eyes falling shut as he simply enjoyed the embrace, one that was long overdue. 

When JD finally pulled back, his eyes were shining and he took Perry’s face in his hands. “I’m so sorry I ever hurt you,” he breathed. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Perry shook his head. “Consider us even,” he replied, not wasting another breath as he pulled JD flush against him for a long, languid kiss. It was enough that JD was there – finally – and Perry didn’t want to spend any more time lingering on what could have been. Instead, he looked to the future, the one that JD was sure to be in.


	41. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry thinks he’s not good enough for JD and is planning to end their relationship now, while he still can, before JD realizes how much better he can do. He’s about to do so when JD leans up, kisses Perry, and whispers that he loves him.

“Oh,” Perry whispered. The honesty, the devotion, the openness that JD had just demonstrated had taken a moment to settle into Perry’s conflicted mind, but once it had, it changed everything. The brush of JD’s lips against his own had always made him weak, even when the encounters were just imagined, long before the two of them had acted on their desires, but his words were just as powerful.  
Now it was more than just desire. It was devotion and want and need and love. God, it was love. Perry’s feelings for JD had always been strong, one way or the other, even when he’d detested him as a young intern. The detestation had quickly given way to mere annoyance and inconvenience, but that too had faded with time and in the several months that he and JD had spent dancing around each other and eventually falling into bed together, any and all remnants of the negative feelings Perry had toward JD had completely disappeared. He’d gotten to see the young doctor at some of his most intimate, vulnerable moments and could now truly understand just how brilliant he was.

  
JD had so much going for him. Over the last year and a half, Perry’d seen him come into his own as a doctor – and everyone else was noticing, too. JD had made some pretty impressive calls and diagnoses lately and was proving to be useful not only in diagnosing but in the fast-paced, high-pressure situations they often faced in the ICU. And it wasn’t just medically that JD shone. He exuded light, from his eyes, his smile. His personality was second to none and he left every life he touched a little better for it.  
And where did that leave Perry? Yes, it was true that he was good at what he did – great even. He’d had a longstanding reputation as the best doctor in the hospital, but he had another reputation, too, one not so prestigious. He was a jerk. A bitter, run-down, tired, baggage-laden jerk. JD, with his bright future and his whole life still ahead of him, could do so much better than what Perry offered.  
Yet somehow, despite all that, JD loved him. Perry never, not even for a moment, thought to wonder if JD was just joking around. He could tell by his tone, by his eyes – by and large the most expressive part of him – that he was entirely serious. Perry had been loved before, that was true, but never in such a pure, forgiving, and all-consuming way.   
And he felt he deserved none of it.

  
Hell, just seconds before, Perry’d been planning to break it off. He’d let JD take him to bed one last time and had been working up the courage to tell him that it was over, that he deserved someone more whole, who had more to give. And then the young doctor, who still held onto the blissful optimism Perry had never possessed, had uttered a simple three-word phrase that changed everything.  
Perry hadn’t been expecting it, that much was certain. But as soon as JD had said it, he knew the feelings, strong as they were, were reciprocated. He loved JD. He loved him deep down in his core and into the furthest reaches of his mind. As as steadfast as he’d been in his decision to let JD go, he was just as firm in the knowledge that he had to be selfish. He couldn’t let JD go anymore, not now. He still believed that someday JD would wise up and realize just how many opportunities he had ahead of him, that Perry was holding him back in one way or another, and he’d leave then. And god, would it hurt. Perry was quite certain it would kill him. That was why he’d been planning to break it off now, when it would be less painful, but all that certainty and resignation had flown out the window.

  
Realizing JD was waiting for him to respond in some way, Perry cleared his throat, surprised to find himself rather choked up. “Yeah,” he finally murmured, his thumbs brushing along JD’s cheekbones. “I love you, too, kiddo.”

  
JD snuggled in closer to Perry and pulled the blankets over their bare bodies. “You okay, Per?” he asked, though his voice gave away his sleepiness.

  
“I’m fine. Just fine,” Perry assured him, moving instead to wrap his arms around the younger man, holding him close and perhaps a little tighter than necessary. That was one lie he was content with telling. JD didn’t need to know his insecurities, his baggage, what he’d been planning. Maybe someday he’d share those feelings if the time came, but for now, he couldn’t stand the thought of causing JD any ounce of pain. After all, he deserved better than that.


	42. Drunk Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt i got on tumblr!
> 
> prompt: established jdox  
> Perry: I wasn't that drunk last night.  
> Carla: You were flirting with JD.  
> Perry: So what? We're together.   
> JD: You asked me if I was single. And then you threatened me when I said I wasn't.

 

             Perry barked out a laugh. “There’s no way I did that.”

             “Wanna bet?” Carla challenged. “None of us were nearly as drunk as you, so I figure we’ve got at least five witnesses between me, JD, Turk, Elliot, and Keith.”

             “Make that six, Nurse Espinosa,” Kelso interjected, filling in the empty seat at their usual cafeteria table. “I’m not likely to forget Perry threatening, well… himself.”

             “Now wait just a minute,” Perry bristled. He was already mildly annoyed and his hangover wasn’t doing him any favors. “For this to be even remotely believable, I’ll need a word-for-word account.”

             JD grinned and launched into his tale with Carla listening intently, ready to jump in if JD forgot any crucial details.

 

* * *

 

 

              “Newbie,” Perry slurred, sidling up next to the younger man. He was remarkably steady on his feet for being so drunk, but that was what he got for drinking so much at Elliot’s and Keith’s wedding reception. It was the only way, he’d told JD, that he’d make it through such an occasion without wanting to off himself.

              JD smiled politely at Perry, although somewhat exasperated by Perry’s actions. He’d already had to apologize to Elliot’s mom about Perry’s behavior, though he suspected she was just being uptight. “Yeah?”

              “You… you look real nice this evening,” Perry said, hesitating as though he was embarrassed.

              Amused, JD arched an eyebrow. “Well, you don’t look so bad yourself,” he chuckled. “You always did clean up good.”

              JD could have sworn Perry blushed just then. “Say, Newbie,” Perry continued on, staring at his feet, “you wouldn’t happen to be single, would you?”

              JD very nearly fell over, his entire body ready to burst with laughter, but by some great exercise of self control, he managed to keep it in. He caught a glimpse of his friends nearby, close enough to hear the exchange over the music. “I – no, Perry, I’m afraid I’m taken. Quite happily, in fact.”

              Perry’s expression suddenly shifted, revealing his jealousy of JD’s mystery man – who happened to be himself. “I swear, JD,” he said, surging forward and holding JD’s face in his hands, “I’ll kick his ass. Her ass. Whoever you’re dating, they don’t deserve you. Dammit, Newbie…” Perry swayed on his feet and JD held his waist.

              “Do you think you’ve had a little too much to drink?” JD hinted, still endlessly amused.

              “If anything, I need more,” Perry mumbled. “Gotta get over you somehow, don’t I? ‘Less you think it won’t last. ‘Less maybe you wanna come home with me.”

              JD couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore. “Oh, Perry,” he choked out between giggles, lifting the older man’s face so he could look into his eyes. “You are so shitfaced you don’t even know that I’m your boyfriend.”

              “You’re dating _me_?” Perry asked, sounding awestruck. “Holy…”

              “Sure am, though sometimes I have to ask myself why,” he chuckled, brushing his thumbs over Perry’s cheeks. “I think it’s time I brought you home. You’re gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.”

              “I need proof,” Perry demanded, looking so endearingly stubborn that JD knew he’d never get Perry out of here unless he humored him.

              JD rolled his eyes but then pressed his lips against Perry’s, tasting nothing but scotch. It was a taste he’d gotten used to over the last year, but wasn’t necessarily one he enjoyed. “There. Proven.”

 

* * *

 

 

              “And the look on your face!” JD roared, practically falling out of his seat. “You were so happy, Per. It was like having another first kiss. Then, of course, you passed out in the car on the way home. That was interesting, getting you up to the apartment.”

              Perry knew his cheeks were burning. How could he have been so drunk as to not remember JD was dating him. Truthfully, he felt a bit ashamed. He knew everyone else thought it was hilarious, but it worried him. He managed to chuckle along with the others, but that nagging feeling followed him all day.

              It wasn’t until he and JD got home that evening that Perry brought it up again. “Can I ask you something?” he said after sitting down beside JD on the couch.

              “Yeah, of course,” JD said, turning his attention to Perry.

              “Do you think… god, I can’t believe I’m even saying this… do you think I drink too much? I just… aw hell, I just can’t believe that I couldn’t remember, well, _you._ This last year, JD, with you has been incredible and I love you. I know it took me a long time to say it, but you’ve been there for me this whole time, through so many things already, and I just _forgot.”_

              JD looked at Perry in surprise and sat forward, taking his hands in his own. “Perry, it was one time. I mean, yeah, you had quite a bit to drink, but it’s not like you make it a habit. There’s nothing wrong with having a drink at the end of the night after work. Honestly, I thought you flirting with me was pretty cute. You were sweet, just like you always are. Just quite a bit more… uninhibited.” JD chuckled then, ducking his head for a moment. “It reminded me of when we first got together. How unsure we were of each other, but how strongly we felt, even then. I don’t think we need to read into what happened at the reception other than you still have a crush on me. But want to know a secret? I still have a crush on you, too.”

              Perry couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe you’re right,” he agreed, squeezing JD’s hand. “I think I do have a crush on you. But I should warn you, I think it’s getting pretty serious.”

              “Mine, too,” JD laughed, leaning in to kiss Perry tenderly. “I love you, you big idiot. But if you’re worried about forgetting me again, maybe don’t drink so much. Or go to Elliot’s wedding receptions.”

              “Both very good points,” Perry muttered as he pulled JD down on top of him, intent on making sure he’d never forget again.

 

 


	43. Anesthesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt i got on tumblr!
> 
> inspired by the video where the guy wakes up after surgery and doesn't recognize his wife :)

              Perry was rather proud of himself.  He’d caused a diversion with a little help from the Janitor and snuck past the nurse that had been trying to keep him out of the recovery wing.  He knew JD’s surgery had gone fine, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to be with him while he woke up.  He had been sitting beside JD’s bed for no more than ten minutes when the younger man began to wake.  Smiling, he stood and took JD’s hand, watching him closely.

              “Open your eyes, JD,” he urged, keeping his voice low and soothing.  He’d never been under the knife himself, but he knew coming out of the anesthesia could be quite the trip.  “I’m right here.”

              Slowly but surely, JD’s heavily-lidded eyes opened, struggling to focus on Perry and hold his gaze.  He groaned quietly and his lids drooped once again.

              Perry chuckled.  “How you feeling, kiddo?”

              “Like garbage,” JD mumbled, opening his eyes once again, this time seeming to take in Perry a little better.  “Whoa…,” he breathed, eyes widening.

              “What is it, Newbie?” Perry asked, concerned by JD’s reaction.

              “Did my doctor send you?” JD asked slowly, slurring his words.

              Perry’s brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to respond, but JD beat him to the punch.

              “You are _eye candy_.  Whoa,” he repeated, sounding awestruck.

              Perry snorted, quickly realizing that JD was so out of it he didn’t even recognize him.  “No, your doctor didn’t send me,” he said, just barely holding back his laughter.  “I snuck in, actually.”

              “You’re the hottest guy I’ve ever seen,” JD said, blinking up at Perry.  “Do you model?”

              Perry had to laugh at that, an idea so ludicrous that it would _never_ happen.  “No, JD,” he chuckled.  “No modeling for me.”

              “Who… who _are_ you?  What’s your name?”

              “I’m Perry, your husband,” Perry said simply, scarcely able to imagine what JD’s reaction would be.

              JD’s jaw nearly dropped, though the effect was ruined by how lethargic he was.  “You’re my _husband_?  Holy shit!”  He paused then, seeming to process the information – or just be baffled by it.  “Dang…  How long?”

              “A long time,” Perry said, unable to wipe the grin off his face.  “’Bout five years now.”

              “Do we have children together?” JD asked, mesmerized.

              “One, yeah,” Perry told him, endlessly amused.  “Our daughter Grace just turned a year old last month.”

              “Oh man…  Hey, have we kissed yet?”

              Perry barked out a laugh, finding it harder and harder to keep it together.  “Yeah, Newbie, we’ve, uh, we’ve kissed a lot.”

              “Do we call each other baby?”

              “Not really, no, but we have other names for each other,” Perry said, struggling to remember a time when he’d found JD _more_ endearing.

              “Oh my god,” JD groaned, “I hit the jackpot!”

              Perry had to brace himself against JD’s bedrails, inches away from losing it totally.

              “Come here,” JD mumbled, pulling on Perry’s hand, “let me see your face.  God, your eyes are _perfect_!  Turn around for me.”

              “Calm down there, kiddo,” Perry reproached.  “You still need to rest.”

              JD ignored Perry completely.  “We’re married!  How did I manage that?”

              Perry sank down in his chair, his entire body shaking with laughter.  “We’ll have to get you to a mirror soon.  That’ll clear things up.”

              JD gasped comically.  “Am I as hot as you?”

              “Hotter,” Perry laughed, taking JD’s hand in his once again.


	44. Petey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another prompt i received on tumblr! gotta love that jealous!Perry! (2x17 my own private practice guy)

              “What is your _problem_?”  The words exploded out of JD’s mouth faster than he could think to stop them.  He knew as soon as he’d shut his mouth that he’d made a mistake, but there was no going back now.  He was in it for real now and he had to deal with the consequences.  He stood his ground, swallowed hard, and waited for Perry to murder him.

              “What did you just say to me?” Perry asked in a low voice, a muscle in his neck jumping.

              “I just don’t get it!” JD said, throwing his arms up in exasperation.  “I haven’t done anything wrong, I’ve done all my paperwork, checked on all my patients, made rounds, I – I did _everything_ you could possibly want me to do and you’re _still_ riding my ass and jumping down my throat every single time I say something!  So why don’t you just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it?  What’s the point in yelling at me all the time if I don’t know what you want?”

              Perry crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring JD down.  But the longer he looked at the young intern, the more he felt his anger fading to something much more sinister – _fear_.  “Come with me,” he said emotionlessly as he spun on his heel and trudged down the hall.  He didn’t look back to see whether or not JD was following him – he knew he would be.  He always did.

              Perry didn’t stop until he reached the doctors’ lounge and he whistled shrilly and ordered the two residents there to leave, which they did with haste.  He finally turned around, coming face to face with JD once again.  Perry hated how upset he looked, knowing that he’d caused that.  “You went out last night with Pete.”  It wasn’t a question.

              “Well, yeah,” JD said slowly, wondering if this was all one big set-up.  “He invited me to and I had the evening off so…”

              “That’s my problem,” Perry said flatly.

              JD narrowed his eyes as he looked at Perry, trying to understand what exactly he meant.  “Dr. Cox, I don’t…”

              “Pete has a history of taking things that don’t belong to him,” Perry continued, ignoring JD’s mumbling.  “More specifically, he has a history of taking things from _me_.  You ever wonder what the last straw was in my marriage?  The tipping point?  You can thank Pete for that.”

              JD floundered, slowly wrapping his head around the implications of Perry’s words.  “I – I don’t _belong_ to anyone,” he said, his voice surprisingly weak. 

              “No, you don’t,” Perry agreed.  “But you… could.  If you wanted to.”

              Was Perry… Was this his way of…  _Oh god_.  “Are you trying to tell me that you’ve been yelling at me all day because you’re… you’re _jealous_?”

              “Newbie, _don’t_ ,” Perry said, his voice ringing with authority – and more of that fear.

              “This isn’t fair!” JD cried suddenly, looking at Perry imploringly.  “I don’t want to play head games anymore!  If you want me, why can’t you just tell me?  Because if I have to choose between you and _Pete_ , I will pick you every single time.  I just don’t want to have to try and read between the lines with everything –”

              Perry surged forward and pulled JD into a crushing kiss.  He’d been waiting so long to feel JD’s lips against his own, and for a while, he’d been certain it would never happen.  Leave it to JD, though, to call him on his shit and force him into a corner, all without even realizing it.  He was pleased to find that JD wasted no time in throwing himself wholeheartedly into the kiss, his hands coming up to grip the front of Perry’s lab coat, his way of keeping him close. 

              When the time came that their lips parted, the two of them breathing hard, JD leaned forward and rested his head against Perry’s cheek.  “You could have just asked me not to go,” he whispered, reveling in the feeling of Perry’s arms around his middle. 

              “Could’ve,” Perry muttered, closing his eyes for a moment and simply enjoying the feeling of JD pressed up against him.  “You make it sound so easy.”

              “I’m not Jordan, you know,” JD murmured, lifting his head to look Perry in the eyes.  “And I’m not promising that I won’t make mistakes or hurt you, but I’ll never do it on purpose.  That’s just not who I am.  You know that, right?”

              Perry nodded, pulling JD back against his chest.  Those blue eyes made him far too weak in the knees that the longer he stared into them, the closer he got to melting completely.  “I know that,” he assured JD.  “I know.”

              And for the first time in a long time, he found himself trusting another person implicitly.


	45. Speechless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt on tumblr! gets a lil smutty :)

Perry knew he wasn’t being subtle. He knew it and he knew Jordan knew it, too. But god, if he hadn’t imagined what JD sounded like in bed over and over again. It was the perfect fodder for his fantasies, of which he had a few, most of which involved JD on his knees or pressed up against a wall... or on all fours. So maybe there were more than a few. And as much as he wanted to drink in those moans and the occasional gasp that was loud enough for him to hear through the guest bedroom door, they made him furious. Furious because it wasn’t him causing JD to make those noises. Furious at himself for  _wanting_ it to be him. Furious that it was  _Danni_ of all people. Perry had never been a fan of hers and of Jordan’s two siblings, Ben had always been his favorite - perhaps even more so than Jordan herself. 

All this fury did not stop Perry from making excuses to pass by the bedroom door - he’d left something in the master bedroom, had to use the bathroom and insisted on using the one next door to the spare room, the list went on. And he knew Jordan saw right through it. Things had been strained between them to say the least. Ever since Perry found out Jordan had lied about Jack being his son, things were different. Where he had started feeling genuine affection for her, he now felt resentment, frustration. He was constantly reminded of why they’d gotten divorced in the first place and he was starting to wonder if he shouldn’t just break things off. It was harder now, though, with Jack. He wanted to be in his son’s life, make no mistake, but he knew that Jordan could be vengeful and manipulative and he didn’t want to risk not seeing his son. 

But the more strained things became between Perry and his ex-wife, the more he wanted JD. Most nights, he fell asleep to thoughts of him and had he been a little more vocal in bed, he had no doubt that he would have accidentally said his name. Still, he could tell Jordan knew, but why she hadn’t said anything, hadn’t teased him about it yet, was beyond him. Maybe she knew it was because it wasn’t just some crush anymore. Hell, Perry knew it, even if he didn’t want to admit it. After all, it was  _Newbie_. What would people say?

It took some serious mental restraint for Perry to keep from taking a long shower that evening - even he knew that’d be far too obvious to Jordan, but when he couldn’t sleep and the hours seemed to drag by through the night, he slid out of bed, careful not to wake his ex-wife, and wandered out into the kitchen. He jumped rather violently when he heard a soft voice behind him. He spun and saw JD in boxers and a t-shirt, a now-empty bowl of cereal in his hands.

“Sorry,” JD was quick to apologize, though he kept his voice at a whisper. “Midnight snack.”

Perry nodded and grunted in acknowledgement, annoyed to have been so obviously startled. Immediately, his mind registered that the two of them were alone in the kitchen while their significant others slept. “Sounded like you and Danni were having a good time this evening,” he said casually, though as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Perry kicked himself for even bringing it up.

“You heard that, huh?” JD asked, surprisingly unembarrassed.

Perry glanced at him over his shoulder as he poured himself a glass of water. He would have expected the kid to be bright red. “Pretty hard not to,” he remarked, working at keeping his tone light.

“Did you like it?” JD countered.

Perry couldn’t believe what he was hearing. JD sounded so confident, so composed and here he was, practically dropping his glass. “Pardon me?” Perry sputtered, taken aback by JD’s sudden daring. He wondered if it was the atmosphere, the dark room, the lack of an audience.

“I asked,” JD said slowly, walking around the counter until he was inches from Perry, “if you liked it. It’s a simple question, Perry.”

 _Perry_? Where the hell was this coming from?! “I - well, I -” Oh god, he was  _speechless_! Since when did JD have the power to make him speechless?

“It’s okay, Perry,” JD purred, placing a hand on Perry’s chest and leaning up until their lips were just a breath apart.  “You can tell me how much you liked it, how much you liked hearing me moan.  I bet you’d be much better at it than Danni…”

Perry was quite certain he’d never been more turned on in his life and it showed.  JD seemed to take notice as well, letting the hand not on Perry’s chest make its way down to the front of his pants where Perry ached to feel him the most.  “God,” Perry gasped, his eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of JD touching him, something he’d wanted for so long now. 

“Tell me you liked it,” JD breathed, brushing his lips against Perry’s neck.

“Liked it would be – oh, hell – an understatement,” Perry muttered, reaching behind him and gripping the edge of the counter as his hips rocked up into JD’s touch.  JD was only touching him through his sweatpants and here he was, practically putty in his hands.

“That’s what I thought,” JD murmured, slowly sliding down Perry’s body until he was on his knees, an image Perry thought of with great frequency. 

“Yes,” Perry whimpered, watching as JD pulled at the waistband of his pants, inching them down.  He twitched, desperate to feel JD’s mouth around him.

Just as JD reached up to free Perry from the confines of his boxers, Perry woke up in his own bed, Jordan lying beside him asleep.  He very nearly groaned, but stayed quiet, not wanting to deal with the embarrassment of Jordan finding him harder than hell from a fucking wet dream.  The dreams were getting too real, too vivid that Perry was becoming determined to do something about them.  He had no idea how the real JD would react and something told him that he wouldn’t be as confident or as willing as the JD in his dreams, but there was only one way to find out.

 


	46. Sold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from a prompt i got on tumblr!! i love these idiots

              JD knew he should be exuding confidence, that he should love the attention of the women bidding on him – and it was for a good cause, after all – but mostly he just felt awkward.  He was sitting on a stool beside Sacred Heart’s other eligible bachelors, but when the host of the evening had read off his informational card, JD had just barely managed to keep from squirming in his seat.  His cheeks were bright red and he squinted slightly against the harsh stage lighting.  Part of him regretted agreeing to this, but he wasn’t given much choice.  Kelso had practically forced him into it, saying that for some reason, women seemed to find him attractive despite his weak chin and large nose.  JD had sighed at the insult, but agreed nevertheless to be auctioned off at the year-end hospital banquet. 

              He listened absently as the bids for a night with him began.  He knew should be more excited at the prospect of someone actually _paying money_ to go on a date with him, but really there was only one person who he wanted to go on a date with.  JD couldn’t get his mind off Perry – just the way he looked tonight was enough to make his mouth water.  JD had caught a glimpse of Perry from across the large banquet hall, dressed sharply in a dark grey suit with a navy blue shirt underneath, when he arrived and hadn’t been able to get the image out of his head.  He had a general idea of where Perry was sitting, and it was near the stage, but the lights were so blinding that he couldn’t see him.  He wondered if that was for the best so he couldn’t accidentally make a fool of himself.

              Perry had grown more and more restless during the bachelor auction, becoming steadily more frustrated the closer they got to auctioning off JD.  Just the thought of some woman bidding on him just to spend an evening with him infuriated Perry.  He’d had the thought almost immediately after finding out about the ridiculous auction that he should bid on JD so no one else could have him and he could just play it off as a joke.  But what Perry wanted more than anything was to have one night alone with JD without the hospital there to interrupt.  One night where he could show JD how he really felt about him.  When he’d spotted JD from across the room earlier in the evening, his jaw had nearly dropped.  He’d never seen the kid dressed up before and he was surprised to find how well he could pull off a deep blue suit.  It had done nothing to calm him down, of course, and as the bidding on JD began, a muscle in his jaw started jumping.

              Much to both JD’s and Perry’s surprise, the bidding quickly surpassed all the others and continued to go higher than anyone would have expected.  JD’s blush deepened as the announcer commented on the sheer quantity of bids.  JD could just barely make out one of the women aggressively outbidding the others – he couldn’t even tell if she was attractive or not, but at least he was only obligated to go on one date with her after all this.  Soon, she and one other woman were the only bidders left and once again, she outbid her competition by a significant amount.  The bid was up to five hundred dollars, which was a staggering amount to JD. 

              The auctioneer laughed gleefully into his microphone.  “And going once, going twice –”

              “One thousand dollars,” came a booming voice from the crowd, off to JD’s left.  He raised his eyebrows at the sudden jump in price, and also noted that the voice was distinctly male and very, very familiar.

              “Sir, you realize you’ve just doubled the bid?” the auctioneer asked incredulously. 

              “What can I say?” Perry asked dryly as he stood up from his seat.  “I’m very passionate about raising money for the hospital.”

              JD swallowed hard.  Perry was so close that he could see him through the glare from the lights and he wasn’t looking at the auctioneer, but at _him_.  His expression was unreadable, but JD’s heart was pounding in his chest.

              “Well, in that case, _sold!_ ” cried the auctioneer.  “For one thousand dollars to this philanthropic gentleman!”

              JD did not relax as he moved onto the next and final bachelor – The Todd – and instead continued to watch Perry.  He’d sat back down, confident as ever and completely ignoring all the looks he was getting from the hospital staff.  He seriously doubted that what Perry had done had anything to do with raising money for the hospital, but what other motives could he have?  Was an elaborate prank really worth a thousand dollars to him?

              Luckily, JD didn’t have to wait long for his answer.  As soon as he and the other bachelors were released from the stage, he felt a hand at his elbow.  He looked back over his shoulder and found Perry gazing down at him and suddenly, his heart was in his throat.

              “What do you say you and I take a walk?” Perry said in a low, alluring voice.  It was all JD could do to nod and follow wherever Perry led him.

              They ended up outside the banquet hall and both of them were silent as they walked side-by-side down the street.  JD surprised himself by being the one to break the silence.

              “A thousand dollars is a lot of money,” he said softly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

              Perry nodded as they continued along the sidewalk.  “I suppose it is.”

              “Why’d you do it?” JD asked, finally looking up at Perry.  He was surprised to find Perry looking right back at him.

              “Why do you think?”

              “I honestly have no _idea_ what to think right now.  I mean, if this is your idea of a practical joke, can you just spare me the pain and –”

              “It’s not a joke,” Perry said, stopping abruptly.  “JD, I…  Do you have any idea what a catch you are?”

              JD couldn’t help but laugh.  “I feel like I’m having a stroke or something,” he mumbled, shaking his head.  “Since when do you think I’m a catch?”

              “A year and two months,” Perry said simply.

              JD’s eyes widened and he immediately stopped laughing.  “What?”

              “A year and two months ago, I realized that I wanted you,” Perry replied, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking remarkably uncomfortable, like he wasn’t used to being vulnerable, which JD supposed he wasn’t.  “It started off as just a physical want but over the last year… well, let’s say it’s much more than that now.  And watching ten different women bid on a date with you drove me nuts.  And Christ, JD, have you seen the way you look tonight?”

              JD’s throat was dry and his hands were sweaty.  He could hardly believe what he was hearing; it was everything he’d ever wanted to hear from Perry.  “It’s been almost two years for me,” he breathed, his eyes locked on Perry’s.  “When I saw you tonight… well, you look incredible.  And all I could think about was how badly I wanted to spend the night with you instead of one of those women.”

              Perry took a deep breath and seemed to debate something for a long moment. 

              “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” JD said, imploring Perry with his eyes.  “I can never tell.”

              “I’m thinking about how badly I want to kiss you,” Perry said slowly, “but I know that I won’t want to stop once I start.”

              JD’s stomach flipped at the idea.  “I want you to kiss me.  I’ve wanted you to kiss me for _years_.”

              Perry stepped forward, closing the small distance between them, but shocked JD by gently taking his face in his hands rather than crushing their lips together.  “I want you to know how serious I am about this, about you,” he murmured. 

              “Sounds like you’re just as serious as I am,” JD replied, tentatively wrapping his arms around Perry.  It wasn’t quite a hug, but it was just as good because mere moments later, Perry pressed his lips against JD’s in a long, slow kiss.

              JD would have preferred the kiss to last longer, but he couldn’t seem to stop smiling.  “Newbie,” Perry chuckled, “you’ve got to stop smiling long enough for me to ravish you.”

              “I don’t know if I can,” JD laughed, pulling back enough to look Perry in the eyes.  “I’m just so happy.”

              Perry smiled down at JD and ran a hand through his hair.  “Yeah, me too, kiddo.  Me too.”


	47. Five Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from another prompt on tumblr!

**Five Times Someone Thought JD & Perry Were a Thing and One Time They Were Right**

“Newbie!” Perry called from across the ICU bay, not bothering to look up to see where JD was.  “Little help here!”  His patient was coding and despite the flurry of nurses at his side and several other doctors nearby, there was only one person he trusted to help him. 

              Instantly, JD dropped his chart on the counter of the nurses’ station and hurried over to Perry’s patient.  He took Perry’s direction without a second thought, his practiced hands easily intubating the patient while Perry called for a crash cart. 

              When all was said and done and the patient was stabilized, JD stood next to Perry at the foot of the bed while he notated the chart.  “That was some good work there, Newbie,” Perry said gruffly, not lifting his head to look at JD.

              JD couldn’t completely keep the smile off his face, both from the satisfaction of saving someone’s life and from Perry’s praise.  It wasn’t often that he received it, but he savored it when he did.

              A few hours later, Perry was rounding a corridor when he overheard two of that year’s interns discussing his and JD’s save earlier.

              “What do you mean they’re not together?” the shorter one asked.

              “There’s no way Dr. Dorian would be with someone like Cox,” the other disagreed.  “He’s way too nice!”

              “But you saw the way they ran that code.  They knew what the other was doing without even having to say it out loud.”

              “That doesn’t mean they’re _dating_.  They’ve just worked together for three years.”

              Perry forced himself to shake off the moment, doing his best to scrub it from his memory.

 

* * *

 

 

              “You guys, I’m really worried about Perry,” JD confessed over lunch with Turk, Carla, and Elliot.  “He hasn’t left the hospital in forty-eight hours.  Jordan had to call _me_ to make sure he’ll show up at Ben’s funeral tomorrow.”

              “You know how he is,” Carla said dismissively.  “He has to deal with things his own way, but he’s strong.  He’ll get through it.”

              “Besides, shouldn’t you be pissed at him?” Turk interjected.  “He tried to tell you it was your fault.”

              JD shook his head.  “I know he didn’t mean it.  It still hurt, don’t get me wrong, but I know that I did everything I could for Ben.  And Perry lashes out – that’s what he does.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about him.”

              “Sometimes I think you’re a little too forgiving when it comes to Dr. Cox,” Elliot muttered under her breath.

              “What is that supposed to mean?” JD asked, his brows furrowing.

              “All I’m saying is that you spend way too much time worrying about what he thinks of you when he just treats you like crap.”

              JD’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly.  “Well, I’m sorry you think that.  He’s my attending and he’s taught me a lot, Elliot.  I’m not just going to abandon him when he needs me – I mean _someone_ – most.”

              Turk laughed into his food, quickly trying to disguise it as a cough, but JD wasn’t fooled. 

              “His best friend just died!” JD said, his voice rising.  “You guys are being ridiculous.”  He pushed himself away from the table and walked out of the cafeteria.

              “Way to be subtle, you two,” Carla scolded, eyeing them both with reproach.

              “Oh, come on, Carla.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say JD had a crush on the guy,” Elliot snorted.  “Can you imagine, the two of them?”

              Turk shuddered.  “I think I might throw up,” he groaned.  “Don’t even _joke_ like that.”

              Carla rolled her eyes.  “You might try being supportive, Turk,” she sighed.

              “Baby, please.  If JD _likes_ Dr. Cox, hell will freeze over.”

              Carla gave up trying to talk sense into Turk and Elliot, but she had a sneaking suspicion that JD and Perry were already much closer than everyone thought – or that they were about to be.

 

* * *

 

 

              When JD came back home from Ohio, the last thing he expected was to find Perry covering all his shifts and then showing up at his apartment just to hug him.  But he had stayed wrapped up in Perry's arms for several minutes – or at least that was what it had felt like.  He hadn’t actually thought to time it since it was so unexpected, but it made him feel much better.  He didn’t feel quite normal yet, and he wasn’t sure he ever would after losing his father, but knowing that Perry really did care about him did wonders. 

              “Say, little brother,” Dan said later that night after Perry had gone home, “when did you and Coxie become a thing?”

              “A thing?” JD repeated, a little confused.  “What do you mean?  He’s always been my mentor, right from my first day.”

              “Not your mentor,” Dan said, slurring his words some.  “Aren’t you two doing it?”

              JD’s eyes widened.  “No, Dan, we are not _doing it_ ,” he gaped.  “Why would you think that?”

              “Well, s’obvious he cares about you,” Dan said with a shrug.  “Just assumed from the way you acted tonight.  He showed up and you seemed… I dunno… better.”

              “You’re drunk,” JD muttered, shaking off Dan’s comment and doing his best not to read more into it.

 

* * *

 

 

              “I can’t believe we’re gonna have to deal with this joker,” Perry muttered, glaring through the windows of Mrs. Wilk’s room as Lester Hedrick, the hospital’s grief counselor, approached.  He stood beside JD, close enough that they were touching. 

              Before JD could reply, Hedrick opened the door and greeted Mrs. Wilk.  “And Dr. Cox, Dr. Dorian, pleasure as always,” he said in a patronizing tone.

              “Is it?” Perry muttered, quiet enough that Hedrick couldn’t hear. 

              “Patricia, I’m sure your doctors have done a thorough job of explaining to you what the process of dying will be like, but do you have any questions for me?” Hedrick asked Mrs. Wilk.

              She shook her head, making it obvious how weak she had become.  “No, I’ve been very lucky to have Dr. Dorian and Dr. Cox here with me.  All my loose ends are tied up.”

              Hedrick looked back at the two of them, still standing side-by-side, Perry with his arms crossed in front of his chest.  “I hadn’t heard about you two, by the way,” he said with a nod, “but congratulations.”

              “Congratulations for what?” Perry growled.

              Hedrick lifted his eyebrows, his eyes darting between Perry and JD, drawing attention to their close proximity.  “My mistake,” he said after a pause.  “Never mind.”

              JD swallowed hard, knowing exactly what Hedrick had presumed.  He and Perry had been working alongside each other much more often since he’d become an attending, working more as equals rather than teacher and student.  It was a dynamic shift, and JD felt certain that Hedrick wasn’t the only one who had noticed.

  

* * *

 

 

              “Kim, will you go on a date with me?” JD asked, feeling rather bold.

              Kim looked taken aback, much to JD’s surprise – he’d thought she had been _feeling_ the moment, too, but it looked like he might have judged it wrong.  “I – what?”

              “I asked you out,” JD said lamely.  “You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to, though.”

              “I’m sorry, it’s not that,” Kim said slowly.  “I just assumed that you and Perry were together.”

              “You what?” JD asked incredulously.  “You’re joking.”

              Kim shook her head.  “I’m not the only one who thinks that, JD,” she said with a small laugh.  “Are you telling me that you _aren’t_ together?”

              “No!  Yes!” JD cried.  “Yes, I’m telling you that _no,_ we’re not together.”

              “But you just seem so… in-sync with each other.  And you have this weird shorthand that no one understands and you work so well together.  I guess I just assumed.”

              “We’ve worked together for a long time,” JD mumbled, then he sighed.  “How bad is it that I wish you were right?”

              Kim smiled softly.  “JD, you’re a great guy, seriously.  Anyone would be lucky to have you.  If Perry can’t see that, well, he’s missing out.”

              JD blushed and quickly tried to hide it.  “Thanks.  Sorry I asked you out.”

              Kim patted JD on the shoulder.  “Maybe he’ll come around,” she offered.  “You never know.”

  

* * *

 

 

              “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen,” Perry sighed, taking a sip of his beer. 

              JD grinned, watching Keith propose to Elliot in the exact way she wanted.  “It is,” he agreed, “but she’s happy and he’s good to her. That’s all that really matters.”

              “I suppose you’re right,” Perry said with a shrug, watching as the rest of the crowd cheered when Keith slid the ring on Elliot’s finger.  “None of this really means anything unless you’re happy.”

              JD looked over at Perry, finding him staring straight ahead.  “Are you happy?” he asked curiously, not expecting to get a real answer.

              Instead, Perry turned to face JD, seeming to debate for a long moment.  He wrapped an arm around JD’s shoulders and pulled him close, kissing him long and hard.  When they finally broke apart, everyone around them was frozen and staring at them.  “Thrilled,” Perry breathed, a smirk on his face.

              “Yeah,” JD said breathlessly, clinging to the front of Perry’s shirt and gazing up at him with heavily lidded eyes.  “Me too.  Took you long enough.”

              Perry arched an eyebrow.  “Is that so?” he countered, but he didn’t receive an answer since JD eagerly pulled him into another long kiss.

              “I _knew_ it!” Carla hissed when she spotted them in the crowd, the two of them in their own little world as everyone around them celebrated Elliot and Keith’s engagement.


	48. Mixed Signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another prompt from tumblr! this one got smutty :)

              JD’d had enough.  Turk had long since gone to bed, leaving him alone with his thoughts in the living room.  He clutched his pillow to his chest and heaved himself off the couch, walking purposefully over to his bedroom door – _his door_ – and knocked firmly.

              “No vacancy,” Perry muttered, loud enough that JD could hear him through the closed – and locked – door. 

              “Dr. Cox,” JD sighed, unable to believe he was about to beg to be allowed into his own _room_.  “Please, I can’t sleep on the couch.  I’ll mess up my back and then all you’ll hear this week at work is how much _pain_ I’m in and how all this could have just been avoided if I was allowed in _my own bed_!”

              JD heard grumbling and then finally his door opened.  He seized his opportunity faster than Perry could react and slipped through the small opening.  Not that Perry couldn’t haul him bodily back out into the living room, but he hoped the older man was just too tired to fight.  He turned back toward Perry, grinning triumphantly.

              Perry just shook his head and climbed back into JD’s bed – on _his_ side, no less.  JD blinked in confusion.  He was quite certain Perry would have slept on the couch, or possibly even gone back home to Jordan as a result of him gaining back control of his bedroom.  This was not an outcome JD had expected. 

              “Uh, Dr. Cox?” JD asked hesitantly.

              “What is it, Newbie?” Perry asked tiredly, shoving his face further into a pillow.

              “Well, it’s just that I was hoping to, y’know, sleep in my own bed tonight.”

              “No one’s stopping you,” Perry muttered.

              JD gulped, his eyes widening momentarily at the prospect of sharing a bed with Perry.  Would it be that strange?  Perry was facing away from him after all, and he didn’t take up much space so he could just… sneak in there and sleep right on the edge of the bed, right?  Slowly, he crossed his room, still holding his pillow tightly to his chest, and moved back toward the bed.  As gently as he possibly could, he pulled back the covers and slipped beneath them, doing his best not to touch any part of Perry.  Thankfully, he got himself situated without incident and before long, he was able to relax.  He didn’t dare turn toward Perry, but soon found himself drifting off to sleep without much worry for the man lying beside him.

 

              When JD woke the next morning, he was much warmer than usual.  He chalked it up to the fact that he had slept in more clothes than usual – and that Carla sometimes liked to turn the heat up when he and Turk weren’t paying attention.  When he shifted, though, the reason for his warmth became exceedingly obvious.  Perry had an arm draped over him and JD’s head was resting on his chest.  They were… _cuddling_.  JD didn’t dare move another inch, for fear that Perry would maim him, but his brain was screaming at him to do something – _anything_.  And then he received a shock even more disconcerting than finding himself cuddling with Perry: _Perry was already awake._

              “Morning, kiddo,” Perry murmured, his voice rough from sleep.  The sound was intoxicating. 

              JD continued to lay in Perry’s arms, frozen.  “Morning,” he managed to choke out.  “How’d you sleep?”  God, was he actually trying to make small talk _now_?

              “Never better,” Perry replied with a yawn. 

              JD was left to assume that he had initiated their positions in his sleep and that Perry was actually being decent and not mentioning it.  So when he attempted to casually pull away, he was stunned to find that Perry tightened his hold.  Finally, JD lifted his head and looked up at Perry and the expression on his face made JD’s confusion fade instantly.  His eyes were soft, still tired, but alight somehow, and there was just the hint of scruff on his chin.  His hair was a mess, but somehow perfect, and it caught the sunlight streaming in from behind the curtains and highlighted the faint reddish tones in his curls.  He must have had a similar expression on his own face, because before JD could speak, Perry was kissing him, and doing a damn good job of it.

JD didn’t care if this was another one of his fantasies because it was turning out to be the best one yet.  He couldn’t believe how well he and Perry fit together, and not just their lips, but their bodies as well.  The arm Perry had draped around JD moved to grip his waist and tug him closer, leaving them pressed up against each other from head to toe.  When Perry broke away to kiss along JD’s jaw to his neck, JD couldn’t help but smile.

              “Careful now,” he said breathlessly, his eyes fluttering shut as Perry ran a hand over his side.  “I’m starting to think this was all just a clever ploy to lure me into my own bed.”

              “It was,” Perry said simply, his lips brushing against JD’s neck.  “You sound surprised.”

              JD’s smile widened and he pushed Perry back against the bed, swinging a leg over his hip and straddling him.  “Can you blame me?” he asked, arching an eyebrow as he returned the favor, nipping lightly where Perry’s neck met his shoulder.  He hummed in satisfaction when Perry’s hips bucked up against his and he groaned softly.  “You’ve been giving me some mixed signals here.”

              Perry gripped JD’s hips and let his head fall back against the pillows to give JD better access.  “No idea what you’re talking about,” he huffed.

              JD rolled his hips against Perry’s, eliciting a low moan from his chest.  JD was certain he’d never heard a better sound.  “You want to try that again?” he breathed, continuing to rock against Perry, holding back his own gasps.

              “Not a chance,” Perry maintained, though his hold on JD’s waist tightened considerably.

              JD could feel Perry pressing back up against him, growing harder with every roll of his hips, and he was content to draw this out as long as it took.  He wasn’t fighting for dominance, just to be on equal footing, both in bed and out of it.  “You take all the time you need,” JD purred, pressing his lips back to Perry’s neck and sucking hard, determined to leave a mark.  The realization that he could do this to Perry, mark him and make him shudder and moan, was almost too much.

              “Dammit, JD,” Perry growled, his hips straining up against JD’s in search of more friction. 

              “All you have to do is say the word, Perry,” JD reminded him.  “Just admit you’ve been giving me some pretty serious mixed signals and we can stop all this… unnecessary torture.”  To punctuate his words, JD gave a particularly forceful snap of his hips that made Perry swear under his breath.

              Perry forced his eyes opened and looked up at JD.  “You’re right,” he managed.  “I’ve been messing with you because I wasn’t sure I could handle… well, _you_.  You’re so _good_ , JD, and I’m not.  But that didn’t stop me from wanting you, kid, not one bit.  And I couldn’t stand it anymore and when Jordan kicked me out last night, it was because I told her how I felt about you, not because I told her how I felt about _her._ ”

              JD froze, gazing down at Perry and hanging on his every word.  “Wow,” he whispered.  “You’re serious?”

              Perry huffed out a laugh.  “D’you think I’d be joking around right now?”

              “No, I guess not,” JD answered, taken aback by the sudden honesty Perry had shown.  “So this is for real.  This isn’t just you getting back at Jordan or something?  You actually want this?”

              “I want _you_ ,” Perry said firmly, removing his hands from JD’s hips and instead bringing them up to cup his cheeks.  “And it’s about high time I admit it.”

              JD couldn’t help the silly smile that formed on his face at Perry’s declaration.  He nodded, suddenly choked up.  “I want you, too, Perry,” he said softly, not trusting his voice to be steady.  “Always have.”

              Abandoning talk, Perry pulled JD’s face back toward his and kissed him deeply, drinking in every soft noise JD had to give.  They had both wasted so much time pretending not to want each other that it was an all-out sprint to the finish line now.  Eagerly, pulled off Perry’s shirt, glad to be able to really look at him for the first time, and sent it flying across the room.  His own shirt soon followed and he moaned softly when Perry sat up, JD still in his lap, and kissed across his chest. 

              JD leaned over toward his bedside table and rummaged through the drawer until he found a condom and he pressed it into Perry’s hand.  They both shed their own pants and boxers, finally leaving themselves bare to each other, JD blushing slightly at Perry’s obvious approval.  He’d never worried too much about what Perry would think of him, partially because he never expected this to happen, but also because Perry was a good guy and JD being trans wouldn’t make one bit of difference to him.  He was happier than words could express that he’d turned out to be right.

              Once Perry had himself squared away with the condom, JD straddled him once again.  He pressed his lips against Perry’s in another kiss as he sank down onto him.  He’d forgotten altogether about Turk and Carla asleep in their own bedroom when he let out a long, low moan, the sensation rocking him to his core.  Perry seemed to be in a similar position; his jaw went slack against JD’s for a moment and he tightened his hold on him, wrapping JD up in his arms and holding him close.

              “God, yes,” JD whimpered, clinging to Perry as he slowly started to move his hips.  “Wanted you so bad… for so long.”

              Perry let out a low groan as JD rocked his hips, starting out slow and gradually increasing his pace.  “Makes two of us,” he choked out, snapping his hips up in rhythm with JD’s movements.  He rested his forehead against JD’s, and as badly as he wanted to kiss those full lips, he didn’t want to risk muffling any of the gorgeous noises JD made.

              JD largely controlled the pace, moaning often, though he did his best to stay somewhat quiet.  He didn’t want it to end and every time he felt himself nearing the edge, he slowed down, wanting to prolong the inevitable.  He knew this was only the first time, but he wanted it to be good, wanted it to be special.  Perry swore under his breath when JD would back off and crushed their lips together in a searing, desperate kiss.  Soon, though, JD wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold off, especially when Perry moved a hand in between them to touch him, doing so in such a skilled manner than JD couldn’t hope to stay quiet. 

              “Fuck, Perry,” he gasped, burying his face in the crook of Perry’s neck.  Abandoning any hope of holding on any longer, he gave Perry everything he had and sped up even faster than before.  Words fell from his mouth faster than he could keep track of them, many of them obscenities, but he didn’t care what he said when Perry was bringing him so close to the edge.  His legs began to shake and the familiar pressure building deep inside him rose steadily.  “I’m so close,” he managed to choke out in a desperate cry as Perry’s hips snapped up against his with more force.

              “Want you to come for me,” Perry breathed, his lips ghosting against JD’s ear.  “Let go, JD.”

              JD didn’t last much longer after that and he sucked in a sharp breath as he reached the point of no return.  Perry did not slow his movements in the least and sent JD careening over the edge, though he was unprepared for just how responsive JD really was.  He cried out and arched against Perry as he rode it out, gasps and whimpers leaving his mouth, peppered with Perry’s name over and over again.  Perry followed closely behind, JD’s obvious ecstasy far too much for Perry to withstand.  He fell back against the bed, taking JD with him, whose entire body had gone limp in the aftermath of his orgasm. 

              With his eyes closed, Perry lifted a hand to brush through JD’s hair, savoring the bliss of the afterglow.  He surprised himself when he was the one to break the silence.  “That was incredible, Newbie,” he murmured, smiling when he felt JD press a soft kiss to his neck.

              “The best,” JD replied in a quiet, sleepy voice.  “You’re amazing.”

              “Plenty more where that came from,” Perry chuckled, amazed at the warmth JD brought with him and how easy it was for him to make others feel the same.

              “I sure hope so,” JD said with a grin.  “I don’t plan on letting you leave just yet.”

              “’M not going anywhere, kiddo.  You can count on that.”


	49. My Break Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another one from a tumblr prompt! love how this one turned out! nothing like some good old fashioned hurt/comfort

              Carla’s day had started like any other.  She woke, showered, dressed, had breakfast, and cleaned up around the apartment while she waited for Turk to get ready.  One noticeable difference from every other day was JD’s absence.  Normally, he was just as much a part of Carla’s morning routine as anything else.  They usually chatted over breakfast and then when Turk emerged from the bedroom, the two of them would make a joke or allude to something stupid they’d done in med school.  But since two nights ago, JD had hardly come out of his bedroom.  Two nights ago, he’d stopped acting like the JD Carla knew and loved.  Two nights ago, Perry had broken up with him.

              This did not deter Carla from trying to cheer her Bambi up – or at least get him out of bed.  She’d decided to give him one more day to wallow in self-pity before she really kicked his ass and forced him go back to work.  After all, she wasn’t heartless.  She could appreciate how hard it would be for JD to go back to the hospital where he had for so long worked beside Perry, and that he had to work through his raw emotions first.  More than anything, more than the sadness it caused her to see her friend so devastated, she was furious.  And Carla when she was furious was a force to be reckoned with. 

              Rather than laying into Perry the first moment she saw him, she’d chosen to observe him, her anger simmering just below the surface.  Truthfully, she hadn’t seen much of him lately – they were both busy now that flu season had arrived.  More patients to take care of meant less time for socializing.  Carla spent the first half of her day simply watching Perry and was surprised to find that his demeanor seemed quite typical.  He barked at the interns, she heard him complaining about patients, and he bickered with Kelso. 

              Carla spotted Perry later that day sitting alone at one of the far tables in the cafeteria and squared her shoulders.  If she didn’t lay into him now, when would she get her next chance?  She knew that JD had asked – practically begged – her not to talk to Perry, but the opportunity was just too clear.  She walked purposefully toward Perry, but paused for a moment, her lunch tray held in front of her.  Now that she looked at Perry – really _looked_ at him – it was obvious that he was hurting, too.  Carla did not feel as much compassion for him as she did JD, that was true, but Perry had been her friend before all this.  When JD had come home in tears and told Carla – who had been the only one home at the time – that Perry had broken up with him, she hadn’t wanted to give up on the two of them.  She’d been so sure they were made for each other, but JD, through his tears, explained how Perry had said he couldn’t do this anymore.  He hadn’t given real concrete reasons either, not that JD had told Carla anyway, and she didn’t feel like pressing JD for more information was appropriate at the time.  So on his behalf, she cold-shouldered Perry when she could, but seeing JD so broken, in so much pain, was hurting her, too.  But now it appeared that JD wasn’t the only one hurting from the break-up.

              “This seat taken?” she asked, standing expectantly across from Perry.

              He cringed at the sound of her voice and did not look up.  “I’m betting you’ll sit there no matter what I say,” he said dryly, pushing away his uneaten tray of food.

              “I came over here,” Carla said as she sat down, her tone impassive, “to tear you a new one, you know.”

              “Get to tearing, then,” Perry replied, stunning Carla with the lack of emotion in his voice.  “Lord knows I deserve it and you’ve always been good at it.”

              “But _then_ ,” Carla started as soon as Perry stopped talking, “I noticed that you were sitting here, all by your lonesome _moping_.  I wouldn’t expect the person who did the breaking up to be so… sad.”

              “Carla, honestly, I think I’d prefer you hating me to this psychoanalysis.  So could you just leave me be or start shrieking because _this_ I cannot handle.”

              Carla sighed and crossed her arms as she leaned in toward Perry.  “You look like hell,” she said flatly, noting the bags under Perry’s eyes.

              “If you must know, my back has been acting up,” Perry snarled.

              “And why is that?” Carla asked, not believing Perry’s excuse.

              Perry’s jaw tightened for a moment before he finally looked up at Carla.  “Because I’ve slept on the couch for the last two nights,” he said, his voice much quieter.  “I can’t sleep in my bed.  Doesn’t feel right without him there.”

              Carla blinked, digesting the response she hadn’t been expecting.  “I… what now?” she finally asked, at a loss as to what else to say.

              “I made a _huge_ mistake, Carla,” Perry groaned, finally letting some emotion show in his expression.  “I swore to myself that I’d never hurt him…”

              Carla composed herself – seeing Perry like this was disconcerting.  “Then why on earth did you end things with him?”

              Perry shook his head, looking pained.  “Carla, you and I both know he deserves _so_ much better than me.  He – he deserves someone who can give him everything, who’s more _like_ him.  Someone who knows how _good_ he is.”

              “You’re full of shit,” Carla said flatly.  “I have never heard something so ridiculous in all my life.  You’re making all these excuses because you’re too proud to admit that you’re _scared._ You’re scared of being vulnerable and of giving yourself to one person who you _know_ would do _anything_ for you.  That level of devotion really freaks you out, doesn’t it?  And I’m betting it’s because the idea that you can love someone and they can love you just as much and you can be _happy_ if you’d just _try for once in your life_ is so foreign to you that you’d rather just run the opposite direction and start this whole cycle of hurt all over again.”

              Perry looked abashed, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Carla kept right on going, her rage finally having bubbled up to the surface.

              “If you honestly, truly care about JD – if you _love_ him – you wouldn’t be here right now.  You’d be kneeling by his bed and begging for forgiveness.  Because you, me, and everyone else know that you’re meant for each other and that he loves you more than anything in this world.  He hasn’t left his damn bed since it happened, Perry, and he can’t keep going like this.  And if you’re still too proud and hard-headed to admit that you’re scared, then you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life.”

              With that, Carla left the table, taking her tray with her without another word or glance in Perry’s direction.  She knew coddling Perry would never have made a difference and that he responded much better when she gave his usual blunt rants right back to him.  She could only hope that he took it to heart.

              Perry did not think as he left the hospital.  He hadn’t bothered to tell anyone he was leaving and he was sure he’d pay for that dearly later, thanks in large part to Kelso, but for once, he could recognize that the hospital couldn’t be his first choice anymore.  He sped toward JD’s apartment, disobeying several traffic laws in the process, and finally arrived ten minutes later.  The reality of what he was doing really didn’t sink in until he was standing face-to-face with the apartment door.  Suddenly, the key to the apartment felt much heavier in his pocket, though he was quite happy that he hadn’t returned it already.  He took a deep breath and hesitated just another moment more before he unlocked the door and stepped inside. 

              The apartment was quiet and JD’s bedroom door was shut.  Perry could just make out the muffled sounds of JD’s shower running.  At least he’d been able to rouse himself enough to take a shower.  Perry sighed and opened the door to JD’s room, deciding to wait for him on the bed.  And then the sound of low, heart-wrenching sobs met his ears.  It was clear that JD wasn’t doing as well as he seemed and Perry felt a physical _ache_ in his chest at the sound.  There was no way he could stand to listen to one second more of this.

              “JD?” he called into the bathroom, trying to be loud enough for him to hear over the water, but his voice was surprisingly weak.  “JD, I – I want to talk.”

              Immediately, the sobbing ceased and Perry heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle of shampoo being dropped.  “I’ll be out in a minute,” came JD’s broken voice, still thick with tears.

              Perry sank down onto JD’s bed and put his head in his hands as he waited.  How had he screwed things up so royally?  And hadn’t he sworn again and again that no matter what happened he’d never hurt JD?  He’d promised him so many times and now here he was, crying his eyes out in the shower because of Perry.  It only reaffirmed his belief that JD deserved so much better.  He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard JD turn the water off and he waited anxiously for him to dress and emerge from the bathroom.  When he finally did, there was no way he could have prepared himself for just how miserable JD looked.

              Standing before him was a very pale JD with bags under his red and puffy eyes, his damp hair lying limp against his forehead.  He was dressed in an old sweatshirt and sweatpants and he looked like death warmed over.  He did not speak, instead waiting for Perry to explain himself.

              “JD,” Perry started, pausing when he found his breath catching in his throat.  He closed his eyes and began again.  “JD, sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.  If I could take it all back, I would.”

              JD’s lip quivered, but he stood his ground.  “Well, you can’t,” he said, his voice only shaking a little.  “What’s done is done.  You made it perfectly clear that you don’t want me.”

              “It’s not that I don’t want you,” Perry said, his tone pleading.  “I never stopped wanting you, kiddo.  I – I was scared.  And Carla tearing me a new one today made me realize that.”

              “What could you possibly have to be scared of?” JD asked, trying his hardest to sound angry, but it only came out as devastated.

              “Of just how much I love you,” Perry said weakly.  It was quite the sobering experience to actually say it out loud and judging by JD’s expression, he could see that.  “JD, I’m not here to make excuses for myself.  I just want you to know that if I could have a second chance at this, I’d make sure you knew just how much I care about you.  Your happiness means everything to me and while I’m quite certain that there are plenty of people out there who could make you happier than I ever could, I don’t know that I could live with myself if I didn’t come here and try to make things right.”

              JD sniffed, drawing in a deep, shaky breath, before walking over to the bed and sitting down beside Perry.  “Why do you think someone else could make me happier?” he asked in a small voice, staring down at his lap.  “All I’ve ever wanted is you and when I _had_ you, I was… Perry, you made me happier than I ever could have imagined.  And then, out of nowhere, you pushed me away with stupid excuses and you said things just to hurt me, to make sure I’d go.  And now you’re telling me it’s because you were scared?”

              “I’ve never felt like this in my entire life,” Perry said quietly, knowing that if there was any hope of JD forgiving him, he’d have to be more vulnerable than he’d ever been.  “I – I don’t know how to handle it.”

              “You could start by talking about it,” JD said, a bitter edge to his voice that had never been there before.  “I tell you everything, Perry.  You’ve never done the same for me.”

              Perry swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.  “I’d like to start now, if that’s all right.”

              JD said nothing, so Perry took it as permission to continue.

              “The morning before… everything,” he started uncertainly, “I woke up before you did.  And for a while, I just laid there, watching you sleep.  It wasn’t the first time, but this time was… different somehow.  You looked so peaceful, and just lying there looking at you, Newbie, I could see _everything_.  Our whole lives were there, right in front of me.  The big things, the small things.  I could see moving in together, getting married, having a kid or two… I could also see the long days at work and coming home to you and having a frozen pizza for dinner and the stupid arguments we’d have.  What scared me most about all that was how badly I wanted it.  The domesticity, the idea of being so transparent with another person… it freaked me out, JD.  And my first instinct was to run away and the only way I could think to do that was to hurt you so badly that you’d willingly go.  It was cruel and selfish and so very wrong of me to put you through that.  Which is why I’ll understand if you want to go our separate ways, but I wouldn’t be able to give up without at least trying.”

              “All I ever wanted was for you to be like this,” JD said, his voice wavering once again.  “To be completely honest with me.  I always sensed there was _something_ you were holding back, I just didn’t know what it was.  I want all those things with you, too, Perry.  Don’t you think that scares me just as much?  But even through all that fear and uncertainty, I _know_ that it’s right.  I don’t care if there are twenty thousand other people scattered across the globe that are ‘better suited’ for me than you.  I don’t want anyone else.  And I never will.”

              Perry released a long breath and slowly held out his hand for JD to take, but only if he chose to.  “You’ve always been so patient with me, sweetheart, and for that, I can’t thank you enough.  And if there’s any way for me to repay that to you, I’ll try for the rest of my life.”

              JD hesitated for a moment, but then took Perry’s hand, lacing their fingers together.  “Just promise me that when you get scared,” he murmured, looking up at Perry with tear-filled eyes, “you’ll tell me.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from this, it’s that we’re stronger together.  You keep me in check when I’m doing something dumb or crazy and I can help you when you’re worried about something.”

              “I promise,” Perry vowed, squeezing JD’s hand.  “I love you, kid.  Your forgiveness means everything.”

              “I love you, too,” JD whispered, closing his eyes even as his tears finally slipped free.  He ducked his head and immediately, Perry pulled him closer, into his arms. 

              Perry pressed a kiss to JD’s hair, which was still damp, and rocked him slowly.  He didn’t bother telling him he was okay or that things would be all right, because he couldn’t be certain that either of them were true.  All he could promise was that he would try his hardest to see that JD would soon be happy again.  And for now, that was enough.

             


	50. 5 Times (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here's another prompt from tumblr! 5 times perry defends/protects JD and 1 time JD overhears

              It wasn’t the first time JD had pulled strings on a patient’s behalf, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but this time, Kelso hadn’t been so oblivious.  He was on a tirade through the ICU in search of the doctor that had gone behind his back.  Perry had assisted JD in his deception – anything that was both in a patient’s best interest _and_ went against Kelso’s rules delighted him – and knew that JD wouldn’t stand much of a chance against a furious Bob Kelso. 

              “Now, Bob, I feel that it’s important that you know who exactly pulled the strings this time,” Perry said, heading off Kelso on his way to the doctor’s lounge where he’d last seen JD.

              “I never pegged you for a tattletale, Perry, it’s beneath you,” Kelso grumbled.

              “It was me,” Perry said, nearly cutting Kelso off.  “I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner, actually.”

              Kelso’s eyes narrowed.  “It’s not as if you’ve been gloating about it all day.  Usually, you’re so _obvious_ about it.”

              “You sound disappointed,” Perry countered, knowing that it wasn’t much of a stretch that this particular instance of insubordination could be his fault.  He wasn’t sure why he was protecting JD – maybe because the young intern’s mistakes would come back on him anyway or maybe because he thought JD wouldn’t be able to handle Kelso coming down on him or maybe because he was glad that the kid was on his side.  Whatever the reason, it was too late to go back now.  He squared his jaw and awaited his punishment, vowing to himself to never tell JD what he’d done.

 

* * *

 

 

              “I just can’t stand all this touchy-feely crap from Dr. Dorian.”

              Perry stopped in his tracks just outside the doctors’ lounge, listening to two interns discussing JD.  He wasn’t sure why he even cared, but for some reason – even though JD’s extra mile philosophy infuriated him some days – their conversation didn’t sit well with him.

              “He’s just so over-the-top,” complained the other intern.  “I became a doctor to treat diseases, not to go buy comic books and sing to my patients. “

              “That’s funny,” Perry interjected, startling the two interns, “because you _say_ you became a doctor, but right now all I see in front of me are two hopeless wastes of space who can hardly place a central line.  So how’s about you get out there and do your damn jobs?”

              The two interns fled, looking abashed – and slightly terrified.  Perry smiled to himself, glad to know he hadn’t lost his touch for putting the fear of god into interns. 

 

* * *

 

 

              “Hey, jumpsuit,” Perry said, arching an eyebrow as he watched the Janitor placed a mop bucket strategically in front of the doorway JD had just gone into.  “What are you up to?”

              “Messin’ with Scooter,” the Janitor said as if it explained everything. 

              “And by Scooter, you mean…?”

              “Dorian,” the Janitor grunted, angling the mop bucket just so.

              “Right,” Perry said slowly, narrowing his eyes.  He got the idea of what was supposed to happen – JD would walk out of the patient’s room and step into the mop bucket and probably slip, fall, and break his neck.  “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

              The Janitor glared at Perry.  “Why do you care?” he asked bluntly.

              “Because if he breaks a bone, I won’t have my own personalized lackey to do all my busy work,” Perry said without a second thought. 

              It wasn’t until the Janitor left and took his mop bucket with him, grumbling under his breath, that Perry had a second thought as to why he _really_ cared about JD’s wellbeing.  He quickly filed the thought away, not wanting to consider the implications for even a moment.

 

* * *

 

 

              “Hey, mind if I join you guys?”

              Perry had to repress a shudder at hearing Dan’s voice.  Every time JD’s brother had come to town, he had done his level best to annoy the life out of Perry.  He shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d stick around after their father’s passing, but he’d stuck around for so long now, that Perry just couldn’t take it anymore.

              “What you should be asking is ‘mind if I diddle your ex?’ Oh, and just a real big congratulations on your ongoing streak of being the world’s worst older brother!” Perry said, voice laden with sarcasm.  Truthfully, he’d had no real reason to rant at Dan for anything other than annoying him personally, but when he’d heard that Dan was sleeping with Elliot – so recently after he and JD had broken up, and with little regard for his brother’s feelings – it had incensed him.  He walked away without pausing to see what JD’s reaction had been, but he heard Dan call after him in thanks and with another ridiculous nickname.  He’d have to get another dig or two in before Dan left for good since he figured JD’d never do it himself.

 

* * *

 

 

              Perry glanced down at the chart in his hands.  “I’m here because I understand you want a second opinion,” he said, briefly glancing up at the patient in front of him.  Up until that point, JD had been treating her.

              “My previous doctor,” the older woman said scathingly, “seems to have no idea what he’s doing.  I decided I wanted a more qualified doctor.”

              “I see,” Perry said slowly, skimming over JD’s notes, the patient’s test results, and her symptoms.  Everything pointed to exactly what JD had told her.  He snapped the chart shut and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  “Mrs. Newberry, I’m the first one to admit that Dr. Dorian can be strange at times – and downright irritating at others – but that does not change the fact that he is an extremely skilled doctor and you were lucky to have him as yours.  I agree with his suggestion for your course of treatment and I believe his diagnosis is spot-on.  Now, I understand you’re scared, but asking for a different doctor doesn’t change anything.  In fact, I think it would be foolish of you not to stay under Dr. Dorian’s care.  But if you’d like a third opinion, I’m sure we can arrange that for you.”

 

* * *

 

              As if Dan hadn’t driven him nuts before, Perry was now mere inches away from slaughtering him.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  Dan was actually trying to convince Perry that he didn’t care about JD.

              “And I’ve heard the way you talk to him,” Dan continued.  “It’s obvious you can’t stand to be around him.  JD’s my little brother, and I’ve lived with him for most of my life, so I _know_ he can be pretty annoying at times, but –”

              “Dan, I’ve always known you were a little off, but if you are so out-of-touch as to think I don’t care about your brother, you’ve got another thing coming.  I have worked with Newbie for six years and I have watched him grow from a frightened intern to an _incredible_ doctor who cares more about his patients than any other doctor I’ve ever met.  He is a _damn_ special person, so don’t _you_ tell _me_ that I don’t care about him – and _why the hell are you smiling_?”

              Dan grinned and gestured behind Perry.

              Perry glanced over his shoulder and found JD staring at him, his mouth gaping.  “Oh hell,” he groaned, turning back to Dan, who was nowhere to be found now.  “Newbie, I –”

              “You really meant all that?” JD asked, stepping toward Perry.  “You didn’t know I was there.”

              Perry didn’t know what else he could do.  There was no denying what he’d been saying if his passion was any indication.  So he decided to tell the truth.  “I’ve spent six years defending you, protecting you,” he said quietly.  “I was so careful to keep you from finding out.  I always cared about you, kid.  So now you know.  Doesn’t mean we have to make a big show out of it or –”

              JD threw himself at Perry and kissed him hard.  Perry was far too shocked to do anything but reciprocate and wrap JD in a loose hold.  “Everyone tried to prove me wrong,” JD said breathlessly when they broke apart.  Perry wasn’t surprised to find his doe eyes shining.  “They told me you didn’t care, that you never would.  But I always knew somehow.”

              “JD, I don’t…  This isn’t a good idea,” Perry said weakly.

              JD actually chuckled.  “Who cares?” he asked, throwing up his arms.  “ _I_ think it’s a perfect idea.  I didn’t care when people warned me about you, when Turk tried to talk me out of falling for you, when Carla tried to protect me from getting hurt…  I don’t care what anyone else thinks about you because I _know_ this is right.  And I think you do too.”

              Perry couldn’t argue with JD’s logic, though he was intrigued by one thing he’d said.  “You’re falling for me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

              JD laughed, grinning widely.  “Wasn’t it obvious?”

              “Maybe in hindsight,” Perry allowed, a smile playing on his lips.  “Leave it to your idiot brother to trick me.”

              “I put him up to it,” JD admitted.  “I’m glad it worked.  You’re pretty hot when you get all passionate.”

              Perry groaned and rolled his eyes.  Sure, JD was insufferable sometimes, but he was also an excellent kisser.  Perry pushed him back up against the wall and kissed him once again.  Maybe this wouldn’t be all bad.


End file.
